Realmshift: code of the fallen

Kai had fought many things since arriving in Realmshift. Glitch monks, PvP cults, a volcano powered by dessert. He'd accepted forbidden code, accidentally exploded a prophetic cherry, and adopted a goose that may or may not be immortal.

But none of that prepared him for the forest of sighs.

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

Which, in Kai's experience, meant something terrible was preparing a monologue.

The trees in this part of the Shattered World Tree were tall and skeletal, their bark etched with glowing words that shifted constantly, long, drawn-out sentences like someone had carved abandoned philosophy dissertations into the world itself.

Crumble walked beside him with a worried look. "I don't like this biome. It's all... thinking."

Greg the Goose honked once and then refused to move forward, instead sitting on a nearby log shaped like an armchair.

"Even Greg's not into it," Crumble added. "That's a bad sign."

Kai frowned. "We've survived hot dairy. We can handle whatever this is."

The trees groaned softly.

Then the ground spoke.

[NEW AREA: Nihilgrove]
The forest where meaning goes to respawn.

A figure stepped out of the fog ahead, tall, robed, glowing faintly in the gloom. It carried no weapon. Instead, it wielded a book. A massive one. And its name tag flickered ominously.

[Elite Mob: Existential Shade – Friedrich.exe]
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he does not become a loot drop."

Crumble hissed. "We're gonna get metaphor'd to death."

Kai instinctively reached for the Spoon of Unrelenting Destiny. It vibrated uncertainly, like even it wasn't sure how to fight a quote.

The shade raised one hand, and the fog grew thicker. From all sides, shadowy figures emerged, each one murmuring lines that made Kai's brain itch.

"Time is a flat circle."
"Nothing matters, and that's terrifying."
"You will die, and your stats will be redistributed."
"You've already lost this fight. We all have."

Kai stumbled back. His HUD dimmed. His health bar flickered. His quest log rearranged itself to:

[Main Objective: Find Meaning (Optional)]

He shouted, "Nope. Not today!"

And with that, he countered.

Not with fire. Not with fury.

With memes.

"My body is ready!"

The fog paused.

"I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a spoon to the knee."

The nearest shade recoiled.

"Yeet."

One of the robed figures literally exploded.

Kai pressed on, speaking faster now, channeling every meme the internet had ever infected his brain with.

"Do you even lift, bro?"
"This is fine."
"It's over 9000!"
"Surprise Pikachu face!"

A wave of chaos rippled outward. The forest twitched. A tree's bark morphed into ASCII.

Crumble watched, slack-jawed, as Kai became a one-man Tumblr thread with a passive-aggressive Twitter voice.