How to disappear

Hudson

The less I know, the better - Tame Impala

None of this was my plan I swear.

I didn't plan for her to be on Porter's bus, 

I didn't plan for him to force me to meet her,

I didn't plan for her to be placed in my PC,

and I definitely didn't plan for me and porter to be sitting at a table with her and jade.

Like I said I didn't plan any of this, yet I still catch myself stealing glances at her whenever possible.

She doesn't add much to the conversation but just her presence being here makes the room feel so much less empty.

She is clearly trying to be polite despite the fact that two random boys two years ahead of her in school are randomly following her around on her first day.

Jade on the other hand is less discreet in her discomfort. The minute Porter sat down she seemed to physically recoil, and since then every movement Porter has made has earned itself a physical reaction from Jade. 

The unexpressed hostility makes me want to pull every single one of my ligaments off, and Bernadette doesn't look any more comfortable than me.

Oh my god I need to stop bringing up Bernadette. It's a good thing PC is almost over; I need to get out of this classroom.

"Alright everyone you can start heading to first period have a good day and I'll see you all at 3"

Before my brain can even register it, I'm outside the classroom just walking, not walking hurtling.

Today is really not my day.

All day my mind has been stuck on a one-track loop, considering I only just met the girl the fact that she's been domineering my thoughts must be a sign of like mental illness or something, right?

Or maybe it's just a completely normal phenomenon for us as humans to obsess over new additions to our lives, something about dopamine or endorphins, I don't know.

I need to ask someone this, I can't ask Porter because he'll make it into a big thing, I can't tell my parents because me having any form of human interaction is a danger to my career and neither are happy after how my last relationship went, I can't tell Zoey or Jackson and that, I fear is pretty self-explanatory. 

Other than that, I don't think there's really anyone else.

"Hey Hudson! are you coming or not?" Elliott Hackett--Brooklyn's older brother, Arias Boyfriend, Porter's man crush, and my friend--calls out to me, already on the way to our lunch spot. 

Porter, Jacob, Conan and Ezra are nowhere to be seen so I assume they're already there.

"Yeah, one second" if I keep on fucking things up, someone's going to notice. Hopefully if I just make it through today, everything will be fine.

Considering today is just not my day.

"Earth to Hudson..." Ezra snaps his fingers in front of my face, when did he get here? "What's up with you today?" 

I could probably list a couple things but it all really boils down to one thing. 

Bernadette and her stupid perfect fucking everything. 

I mean it's really only the natural thing when you see a non-basic person to think about them a whole tonne. It's refreshing, it's new, it's intriguing and I am only human.