How to disappear

Hudson

You get me so high - The Neighbourhood

There is simply too much to say for me to ever put into words. 

Each thought and idea I wish to display to her on a silver platter bubbles up and fizzes out, evaporating before I can save it. 

None of them matter though, if I could just talk to her at all I would be happy. I never knew how much I would need her till I didn't have her. I mean, I wasn't even aware of her existence a month ago, yet now she's all I need. I can't breathe without her. Even if all I have is a version of her in my mind.

I could never imagine a future for myself but when I'm with her it doesn't seem like a mountain to climb, it feels like a path already made, one I can just enjoy knowing she's with me.

"Earth to Hudson" Porters long fingers click in my face, giving me Deja vu and a wakeup call. Eli and Elliott seem unfazed by my subconscious disappearance, I was digging holes in my brain while they were drinking themselves silly.

Ever since Elis eighteenth birthday, him buying beers for us isn't uncommon. Porter sits on a children's swing with Elliott on the adult counterpart, me and Eli are sat in the tanbark. It's uncomfortable and pokes my ass but it's better than trying to squeeze in a toddler safe push swing.

"The house isn't as fucked as I thought it'd be, B's being too kind for her own good once again and cleaned up by herself before I woke up." Elliott tips the brass bottle all the way up and chugs before facing us again. 

"Well, isn't that like little Brookie." Eli chuckles before thrusting his bottle into the sand and standing. "I'm going to Jacob's house."

Eli's impatience has always rivalled with my restlessness; they are such similar traits yet somehow starkly different. 

"And why would you be doing that?" Porter picks up Eli's bottle, finishes it off before walking to the bin. I feel sad watching my best mate search in a beer bottle like the solution to all his issues lies within the brewed liquid. 

"He has the best secluded area, his parents are never around, and the best collection of games." None of his arguments are wrong, Jacob's basement is cool. Regardless of the fact that I've only ever been there once, I do feel shockingly comfortable. I always feel comfortable around him, he has that effect on people. The Jacob effect.

I do, however, think we would all rather keep a distance from the trio, we have a balance at the moment. One I would rather not ruin by getting too buddy buddy.

"But I like it here, it's fun to just get plastered at a park" Porter moves back to his baby swing, but instead of squeezing his ass into the tiny plastic seat, he places one foot on it and lifts himself up. 

"Yeah, you would love to just get wasted here" Eli sneers, thumping down onto the floor like a toddler having a tantrum. Porter remains unbothered as he swings in a flamingo pose, about to fall on his face but staying calm. It would be hard to not be calm when you're on whatever he's on, I'm not sure what it is exactly but I haven't seen him fully sober in a while.

"Hey, hey, let's not fight. All we do is fight these days" Elliotts voice lingers as he sits up, I know that was a dig at me and Porter, but I can't think of a witty comeback. I also don't want to. I'm happy using all my brainpower on her. Imagining her beautiful face staring at me with such clarity, her voice whispering in my ear like the angels themselves serenading me. 

"Fine we'll have a vote," He hops off of the swing and turns to face Eli, "We either go to Jacob's house, or we do something more interesting" 

"And what do you consider more interesting? Injections in an alleyway?"