Save the World before you Save Yourself

I began to drag Percy by the sleeve to a somewhat private area. I respected that he did not want to be seen breaking down in public. No matter how many times my friends had seen me cry, it wouldn't be fair to him to go through all his torture and then be humiliated. I didn't think there was anything wrong with crying, but nobody-nobody- had seen Percy cry. At least no one in camp. I sure didnt, i didnt want to either.

I kept stealing glances back at him. He looked more annoyed than upset.

My fault,  but I was going to help him. I was tired of feeling useless to my friends. I was always able to help the other campers when they had their break downs, especially the young ones, but when it came to my friends, I wasn't sure. It was too close, to personal, everthing that should've come easy to a daughter of Aphrodite. But it didn't.

I looked back ahead. I found a break in the trail under a little pine tree. I marched over, still gripping his blue sleeve. Then plopping down in the crunchy leaves and yanking him into them with me, I said ,"spill."

"Gee Piper, way to start my therapy."

I laughed. He was obviously trying to use sarcasm as a defense. Pulling a Leo, I thought. But I wasn't going to have it.

"Okay then Percy. Since you insist on being difficult, tell me about your nightmare, that's what happened, right?"
Of course it did. It had to be. They were everyone's problem.

He looked away from me. "What can I say Piper?" His voice still rough. "They're about Tartarus." He looked as if he would say more, but stopped.

It had to be specific. Something bothered him most about it. I hated myself for prying.

I stared at him, waiting for him to continue, if he would.

"Piper."

"Please Percy. I want to help."

I placed my hands in my lap and watched as he brought his knees up to his chest and rested his arms on them.

Still not looking me in the eyes, he continued in a low voice.

"I just- I just keep remembering the arai cursing me and feeling my enemies pain and thinking,'this isn't even half of the monsters or demigods I've killed. And what about the ones on my side. They fought along side us.What if their last thoughts were,"
He waved his hands around in a voodoo ish way, "'curse Percy Jackson he got us into this mess we can't win'? I've caused so much pain. I'm not even supposed to be alive. The curses made me realize that. "

"Percy, it was self defense!" I say hopelessly. Id never heard Percy's side of the story. Only whispered tales from annabeth.

"Piper still! I've killed so much and harmed so many with cruel ways that I hadn't realized. Who deserves to be rewarded for that?"

He began to list on his hands. "That's why I didn't try to fight back a little bit when the poison was killing me. That's why I tried to drown in the stupid river. That's why all of this is happening. Want to know how I got poisoned? Ask Jason! I would be better off dead than cause more suffering."

His eyes were really red now and tears were present. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and kept them there. He just shook his head slowly, not saying a word.

"Percy you saved so many demigods. You won a war. "  I felt so bad for him. I had no idea that this was the issue. He was so guilty, so loyal. He couldn't stop thinking about them.

He looked angry when I said that. He burst out,"Don't give me all the credit. I get way more than I deserve," he growled."Two ears and everyone thanks me, thank everyone who died, not me."
He continued to ramble faster than Leo ever could.