Thinking Different Thoughts

Chapter 5

I shrugged and leaned back in my chair. Mr. Skye wasn't really aware of my presence in the classroom, or really anyone's. He would just read and drone on and not pay attention. As long as we weren't talking loudly or moving around too much. 

I popped in an earbud and turned on Pandora on my phone. Now that I wasn't with mom she couldn't stop me from listening to music, now could she? 

Tyler seemed to loosen up a little and he moved his arm. The character he was drawing was beginning to look like me, but I couldn't be sure. Maybe it was just a random character and it looked like me. Surely that's what that was. Just someone that looked like me. 

"I'm bored." He whispered, not moving from over his drawing. He kept sketching as he talked. 

"Me too." I said back, leaning back so the front legs of the chair left the ground. 

"Careful, you don't want to fall back," he said, reminding me of some old teachers I'd had in Columbus. 

"Maybe I do," I said in a matter-of-fact voice. "You don't know what I want. This class is worse than math."

He chuckled a little - I know because his shoulders moved a little. 

I looked to my left. I was right by a window. The teacher was walking slowly across the front of the room with a book in his hands. We were reading a Shakespeare story that had been transferred to a book. It was really boring and generic. Romeo and Juliet. 

I thought about making a break for it out the window but decided against it. Tyler would stop me or tell the teacher if he noticed. 

"I wouldn't tell. I would actually probably go with you," he said without looking up. Now the character had a nose piercing. Like mine. 

My hand touched my nose, searching for the small silver ring that was missing. I forgot that I had to take it off. 

"Who're you drawing there?" I asked again. 

"No one in particular." Tyler answered. I don't know why my heart seemed to skip a beat or flutter or whatever when Tyler talked, but it did. It made me really happy to hear him talk and I wanted to make him talk more. 

"Really?" I asked knowingly. It was seriously beginning to look like me. The curly hair was a giveaway. 

"Mr. Dun, Mr. Joseph," Mr. Skye said, pausing from reading the book\play thing. 

"Yeah?" We said almost in sync.

"Anything you want to share with the class?" He asked, annoyed. 

I looked at the drawing that Tyler had moved to his lap under the table. 

"No, sir." He answered. 

"Then read along and stop talking," he said. Tyler nodded and flipped a couple pages in his book. I was content with my book being there and not open because Mr. Skye wouldn't know the difference. For the rest of class he would just read and ignore any other side conversations. 

"You're an idiot," Tyler said, looking at me with a faint smile. His eyes were really dark - the kind of eyes you could get lost in. 

Stop already! Josh - this school or at least Tyler is doing something to you! What did you promise at the old school? That you would come back gay and soft? Or that you wouldn't change?  Stop being so gay and be more tough. 

I seemed to remind myself this same thing almost daily. It was stupid and annoying. Why couldn't I be more tough and like my old-self?

I don't even care anymore. This is a new place with new people who don't know the old me. Why can't I change? I was only a bad kid because I was incapable of feeling after a while. I thought getting in trouble would make me feel something but nothing came of it. What if I made some better friends? Would that make me feel again?