I'm trying o.k?

Dan's pov:

We had walked down to the coffee shop, not really talking about much but chatting occasionally. Phil seemed a bit cautious at first. He still seemed worried about something and constantly asked if everything was o.k. Lying to him was shit but it was all I could do, it hurt but it stopped me from hurting him instead.

The coffee shop was my favorite, there was lots of natural wood and low hanging lights with different glass chandeliers. We went to the till where there was a pleasing lack of people queuing and Phil checked out all of the cakes under the glass cover and read the sandwich menu too. His eyes darted between the chocolate muffin and the salted caramel cake. I tried not to smile at how adorable he was being as his tongue poked out the side of his mouth. Stop it Dan this isn't o.k.

Phil ordered a pumpkin spiced latte, sausage roll and the chocolate muffin. I ordered a gingerbread latte. He looked at me strangely.

Once our food had arrived we sat in our normal spot. It was a corner booth by the window and the sofa had a multicolored zigzag pattern. I sat closest to the window and rested my head against the glass, drinking my coffee to wake me up so that I didn't embarrass Phil by falling asleep in public. When I looked up I saw he was looking at me still.

"Did you say something?" I had probably zoned out again, it seemed to happen a lot recently.

"Er no, I was just thinking. You haven't eaten all day, are you sure you don't want anything else?"

"No, I mean lying in bed like a vegetable doesn't really build up an appetite."

Phil awkwardly laughed again. The way I do when I'm passing of being o.k when I'm not. I need to eat something, anything, so that he believes I'm fine because otherwise he'll spiral off and could find out about so many other worse things. Pay attention Dan.

Phil was talking about the plan for the radio show, I know that the show was easy and we did it every week but for some reason it seemed like a huge task. I had this colossal weight on my shoulders over something so simple. What was happening.

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Phil's pov:

Later we got back to the apartment and Dan went straight into the lounge and started up his laptop, I decided to go to my room and grab my phone charger. When I got back Dan had made himself a bowl of cereal and was munching on it whilst scrolling through tumblr.

I looked at him and took it all in. He had tanned skin but it didn't seem as bright as it used to, he looked skinnier too. His eyes were just the same in colour, beautifully brown with specs of hazel and gold. What are you doing Phil? I shook my head and noticed how sad they looked even though he was in his favorite position with a bowl of cereal he was lucky I hadn't eaten.

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That night I lay awake in bed thinking about Dan. It was bad that my head was occupied with worry about him but he ate less and slept more. He didn't tell me what was wrong and didn't seem interested in leaving the house. I started thinking about what he used to be like before, laughing and joking around, playing video games with me complaining when I ate his cereal. Last week I ate his cereal and he didn't say a thing. At the time I thought he was just angry but maybe he hadn't noticed. This was bad.

I heard a thump and wondered what it could be. It had to be Dan considering he was the only one in the apartment with me. Quickly I walked to Dan's room but he was tucked up in bed sound asleep. He must have just hit his arm on headboard again, he always complained about that.

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Dan's pov:

I was drunk again. Whilst I was pacing my room I hit my leg on the corner of my bed and fell to the floor. Fuck, Phil could have heard that!

Before my head could register what was happening I jumped into bed and wrapped the sheets around me. My brain spun but eventually calmed to it's usual state of drunkenness. I heard the door open and knew Phil was looking in on me.  He must have heard the thud and got worried.

Whenever Phil caught me flinching when my arm moved I told him I hit it on the headboard of my bed. He seemed to buy it, I hoped this was just another one of those moments.

Once he left I reached for the bottle I had left on the floor, I took several mouthfuls of vodka and placed the bottle back onto the ground. I fell against my pillow and and let sleep take over. My bed was the comfiest thing possible when I was drunk and guided me happily into dreams of pure nothingness at 5 in the morning. Wait why was Phil awake...