I'm trying o.k?

Phil's pov:

We had managed to leave the house by 11 and were walking around the streets darting into various shops. I had seen some jumpers I liked but hadn't bought anything other than a t.shirt so far, it had a stack of pancakes on it with syrup dripping down.

Dan hadn't tried much on, he was a bit jumpy and had that pained expression jumping across his face every now and then. He bough a few jumpers, mainly blacks or grays. One of them (a black one) had leather triangles over a strip on the chest and another one was gray with horns on the hood.

"Hey why don't you try this top?" I held up a black top with a gray fair-isle pocket.

He shook his head at me. "Nah I'm kinda feeling the baggy jumpers at the moment, they're so... cosy."

I frowned at him before accepting that he didn't want me to see how skinny he had gotten and I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. Instead I helped him find jumpers and we both way too interested in the sock isle. There were socks with gnomes on and some with flying pigs, it was heaven.

Later we sat down in the coffee shop in our spot. Once again Dan only wanted coffee but I added a secret order of pancakes to my lunch. When they arrived I pushed them towards Dan with a grin, he wouldn't be able to resist these.

"Er Phil, I.. I didn't order these." He stuttered through the sentence and I thought about how this situation could be really difficult for him. I tried to play it innocent at first.

"No I ordered them for you, thought since you weren't ordering anything else then I would order you pancakes since I know you like them-" Oh I'm rambling say something "can you just eat something please?" 

Dan stared at me. Shit that was really blunt, I should have been more sensitive, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck!

"Phil I..." He glanced around at all the people in the cafe, then back at me. I knew I looked sad, borderline expectant, almost desperate. "I can't - I mean I, er, I have to leave. Sorry."

"Dan wait!" He didn't look back when I responded but instead just walked out of the door. The bells jingled when he threw open the door, a joyful high-pitched chime contrasting to the atmosphere Dan had left me in.

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Dan's pov:

"Can you just eat something please?" Phil starred at me waiting for a response.

Oh no he knew. He had noticed. Shit what do I do? Crap his eyes, he looks so disappointed I wasn't careful enough oh God what do I do?

"Phil I..." Should I tell him everything? No that's too much, he can't know. "I can't - I mean I, er, I have to leave. Sorry."

I walked away and ignored Phil calling me back. Nicely handled Dan, you could have just gone to the loo and took a minute to breath or faked a phone call, literally anything!

The air was cold when I ran out of the coffee shop back to our apartment, people gave me strange looks as I rushed passed them on the street. Once I was inside I slide down the wall onto the floor next to the front door. Not only was I horrified at myself for letting Phil find out about the eating but I was practically surviving on coffee and vodka so running here had taken all my energy. After I had stopped shaking I dragged myself to the kitchen for another cup of coffee, I knew it was bad but drinking something to stay functioning was better than eating.

It had been 2 hours when Phil stepped through the door. I guess he had tried to give me some space after the coffee shop incident. For the first time in days I was sitting in the lounge instead of my room, mindlessly scrolling through tumblr and playing radio head through my phone.