I'm trying o.k?

Chapter 7

He walked cautiously into the lounge and glanced at me. "Do you want to talk about this?"

"No."

"Dan I know you're not o.k, I know about-"

"No you don't." I didn't care what he thought he knew, right now it didn't matter because I was to pissed off. I could deal with this on my own, if I wanted to, which I didn't. With a quick intake of breath I stood up and left with my laptop. Maybe I felt sympathetic to Phil earlier and I still wanted to hug him and let him know that everything was o.k but right now all I felt was anger at myself.

When I left I picked up the laptop with my most recently massacred arm, and felt the pain in my wrist as I clenched the laptop. Shit that was a lot of pain. I quickly dropped the laptop and Phil looked up at the thud. With a loud sigh I picked it up and continued the journey to my room.

It was too early to sleep so I resumed my tumblr position from my bed, back hunched over and eyes glaring angrily at the screen. I needed to fix this.

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Phil's pov:

That could have gone a million times better, instead of ending with Dan storming of to his room. He dropped his laptop too, I know he's clumsy but it always irritated him more when he was angry.

I have no idea how to deal with this when he won't talk to me about it. I've been thinking more about Dan, not just because I want to help him but because I want him to be better and comprehend that he deserves it. All I want is to be able to tell him I love him and not have it thrown back at me like I was insulting him.

All I have to do is get him to talk to me. I walked to the kitchen and made two cups of hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream and brought them to Dan's room.

"Dan can I come in?"

"Why so you can lecture me more?"

"No, no lecturing just... talking."

"Fine."

I pushed open the door and gave Dan his mug. He poked the little marshmallow and took a sip. Before he came in he had put the laptop on the floor and was sitting against the headboard with his knees drawn up to his chest, damp curly hair from a recent shower.

Once he was settled with his drink I walked round the other side and sat next to him, he snatched his arm away when I accidentally bashed it climbing onto the bed.

"Did you hit it on the headboard again?"

"Er yeah" He still didn't look at me, just sat there holding his hot chocolate with his arm on his lap.

"I promise I'm not going to lecture you I just want to talk about a few things." I took Dan's silence as a notion to carry on. "Obviously I know about the eating, but Dan I, I know about the drinking to."

He shot me a look wild with panic and shock, he opened his mouth to say something then looked away and quietly mumbled. "What do you mean, what do you know."

"I saw the vodka next to the bed and one night you were wondering drunk around the kitchen." He was frowning at his lap and drinking his hot chocolate.

"What did we talk about."

I don't think he was ready for this, he hadn't denied the drinking but if I told him I knew he loved me everything would be awkward. He would be on guard all of the time after feeling so vulnerable. "Nothing much, you were mumbling and roaming around so I just guided you back to bed and left you there. I stayed awake for a bit in case you got up again but I didn't hear anything else so you must have fallen asleep."

"O.k cool."

"So erm, how often do you drink, do you get as drunk as that a lot?"

"No." He said defensively. "I have some to help me sleep but the other night it didn't work because I had too much coffee in the day and I just kept drinking more until I guess I got drunk and wondered into the kitchen. Sorry to keep you up."

"Well I guess if you're only using it to sleep..." This was good, he seemed to ramble a bit but maybe he was just nervous at being put on the spot. I would leave it for today but if I saw him wondering around drunk again I would know he was lying. For his sake I hoped he was telling the truth, it would mean one less problem for me to help  him with.

That night I lay in my bed starring at the ceiling getting desperate for ideas on how to help Dan when he wouldn't let me.

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Dan's pov:

I lay on my back with my arms by my side, they were both in excruciating pain witch was horrifyingly satisfying. My sleeves were always long even when sleeping in case I carelessly wondered to the loo in the night or Phil came in to wake me up in the morning. I couldn't risk him coming in and seeing, everything was already shit, I couldn't make it worse.