Almost Everything

The door slamming shut. The lock clicking, leaving me but nothing and an empty room. The candle light table in front of me. I stood there in complete stillness. Scared to breathe too loudly, silent tears slid down my cheeks. My thoughts echoing in my mind. All I could think about was how I had broken an innocent's man heart. How he got caught up in this big mess, which he really didn't deserve to be in. I tried to replace him for Alex and I knew it was wrong. I did but I was hurting. Because when you lose somebody, the one thing you have left of them is a whole where that person used to be, and I tried to fill mine with Louis. And I learnt very early on that you cannot replace people no matter who you meet. There will always be traits so unique that they can never be replaced. No matter how hard you try or how bad you want it. I knew that deep down, but I still did it. I still broke an innocent's man heart and I will never forgive myself for that.

I slowly walked over to the table. Taking it all in. He had set the table. A big glowing candle sat in the middle. I leant over and blew it out. Watching the smoke disappear, breathing in the smell of the burnt out flames. I poured myself a large glass of red wine which was open on the table. The table set for two people. Two plates. Two glasses. Two sets of cutlery. Two napkins. Taking a large sip, the liquid slurring round my mouth. I swallowed harshly. Setting the glass back down on the table. This overwhelming feeling rose inside of me. Thrashing my arm across the table, sending everything flying across the room. Everything hitting the floor at once with one big crash sent echoing through the room. Wine splashed up the white walls. Broken plates and glasses scattered across the floor.

I collapsed into the sofa. The room filled with complete silence. I thought that ending things with Louis would be such a relief. That this suffocating feeling would suddenly be lifted and I would be able to breathe again. But I can't. It's worse than ever before. My chest ached. I clutched it tightly, leaning forward. Breaking down into a complete mess. Chocking on my own tears. Muffling my sobs with my other hand. I cried and cried till I had no tears left. This feeling was awful. It was worse than when I was lying to myself about my feelings for Alex. Burying my hurt in mine and Louis relationship. It felt as though someone was constantly stabbing in my chest.

I woke up with the sun glaring in my eyes on the sofa. I was still in my clothes from yesterday, my head pounding. I must had fallen asleep. I padded the floor beside me in search for my phone. Finally finding it I picked it up. The bright screen blinding me. My eyes adjusted to read that I have 15 missed calls and countless text messages. The majority of them being from Alex. A few from Cara. And I had a text from Louis asking if it was okay for him to collect the rest of his stuff this afternoon. I checked the time it was 7:30. I was supposed to be on my way to the office by now. I had so much to do with the boy's album coming out in just a few weeks. I sat up, the room slightly spinning as I did. I rubbed my temples. Picking my phone up again and began to sift through the notifications.

I started with Louis as I knew it would be the easiest. I texted him to come round this afternoon to collect the rest of his things. I asked if he wanted me to be there or not. I understood if he wanted more answers for me, like how long have I known that I've loved Alex, how long we've been going behind his back for ect. He deserved to know the truth if he wanted to. But I also understood if he never wanted to see me again.

Next I moved on to Cara. I read her texts which were her just concerned about where I was. Apparently Alex had been round to her and Miles' place looking for me last night. I hadn't spoken to her in the past few days and she was worried. She had no idea what was going on with me and Alex. For all she knew me and Louis were doing perfectly fine. Since she moved in with Miles we've be distant. I always avoided going round there due to the fact Alex might be there. Plus both of our schedules have been pretty hectic recently. With the boys having just about to release the Album, and her modelling career is just starting to take off. I told her I was fine. That I was just sleeping it all off and that I would call her later.