There Are Worse Things I Could Do

   You wake up next to Dan. That's a good part of your life. He looked so peaceful. Probably because he doesn't have every single one of his regrets floating around in his mind. You slip out of bed careful not to wake Dan. Your legs are wobbly and you're very dizzy. You try to ignore it as you stumble out his flats door. You make it over to your flat and get into your front hall.

"(Y/F/N)!?" You call out.

The world was violently spinning around you. You were shaking and black spots started to cover your vision. You hear your friend come downstairs and you try to move forward but then you collapse in front of her. Your vision goes black and you're gone.

***time skip till you wake up***

Your eyes open slowly and you're in your bed. (y/F/N) is sitting on the edge of your bed taking on her phone.

"Yeah she just blacked out Olivia. I don't know what happened....yeah I know you wish you stayed longer......there's nothing you can do. I'll take care of her. Bye Olivia."

She turns and sees that you're awake.

"How are you?" She asks.

"I'm fine." You lie.

In reality you're in major pain. Your entire body is on fire. You forgot how much not eating effects your body.

"How long was I out?"

"Like an hour. Do you want me to tell Dan?"

"Definitely not. Keep it between us. It was probably nothing."

She nods. Then you start to think that she knows. Is that possible? No. It's not that noticeable. You only lost a bit. You lay back down. All your body wants to do is sleep. Instead you grab your phone and check your channel. You glance at the subscriber count and see 1,201,452 subscribers. Then you remember that you and Dan were supposed to film a video about hitting a million. You get up off your bed but then fall. (Y/F/N) springs up and gets you off the floor.

"(Y/N) what the hell is going on?"

"I honestly don't know. I'm fine. Just get me moving and I'll get over it." You reply.

"All right."

She helps you to your closet and hands you some clothes. Hmm what mask shall you put on. You can't go like this or Dan and Phill will know your not okay. How about the mask that says 'oh I'm alright. If I keep lying eventually it will come true.' Mask. That's the best one. You put them on rather easily and then you grab your camera off your nightstand. On your way to Dan's you see the refrigerator. There are worse things you could do than not eat.

You head to Dan's. You go through the door. Phill is sitting in the kitchen. He's looking though some papers that you presume are bills or fan mail.

"Hello Philip!" You say, your voice is filled with fake happiness.

"Hey (Y/N) how are you?"

"Fucking fabulous!"

He laughs a bit. You like his laugh but it's nothing to Dan's. You skip your way to Dan's room. You notice he's not on his bed but the bathroom door is shut. Light is visible from the small crack under the door. The shower is running on the other side. You go back to his room and sit on his bed and kick off your shoes. You lay there surrounded by the smell of him. Honestly you would be fine with laying there forever.

A bit away you can hear the shower turn off and a door open. Dan must be done with his shower. You lay there a bit longer and Dan eventually comes out. He's in a blue shirt and black skinny jeans. You smile at the sight of his hobbit hair that's still damp.

"Hello hobbit." You smirk.

His eyes light up with mock offence.

"How dare. You."

He lunged for you and lands in your lap. He starts to tickle you violently and then stops to plant a kiss on your forehead.

"You know I came to film a video. Not to be assaulted."

"Well you're gonna get both." He laughs.

He gets off the bed and opens his closet to get the tripod and lights. As he sets up you stand up and jump on his bed.

"Boing boing boing." You say over and over.

"Am I going to have to punch my girlfriend?" Dan says playfully as he plugs in the lights.

"Oh my god was that a threat?"

He laughs and sits down on the bed.

"Go on Twitter and ask for questions for a Q&A they send those questions so quickly it's scary." Dan explains.

You obey and send out a tweet. After a few seconds you get the questions. Some of them are incredibly funny. Some just make you wonder what goes on in fans minds.

After you and Dan pick out some questions you start to film your video.

Keep smiling. If you smile they can't see what's going on in your broken. The strings inside may snap but the smile can't break too. Just keep the mask on. The mask hides your feelings.

That was your thought throughout the video filming.