ForthBeam - What is this??

"Since I couldn't buy you lunch, can I buy you dinner?" Forth offered while I munched on the snacks he'd bought.

"No. I want to spend my evening alone." I answered without second thought.

"We don't have to eat out. We can stay at home for dinner. I'll even cook something for you if you want."

I looked up at him. I didn't really want to be alone, but I don't think I want to be with him either. Ever since our first time, I've been seeing him in a way I don't understand, in a way I don't want to see him. He's not treating me gently, like I was worried he would. So many confusing emotions twirling within me. I rubbed my palm over my forehead, I was starting to get a headache.

"No, it's fine. I'll be fine." I finally decided.

"Why don't you want to date me?"

I looked away from his imploring eyes then shrugged. Why indeed. He did say he wanted to date me because of me and not the sex, but I still find it hard to believe. Just yesterday, it feels like it was just yesterday, he was in love with N'Yo. Is it that easy to have a change of heart? I don't want to date him if we're only going to end up breaking up because he met someone else and had a change of heart.

"Ai'Beam, I am very serious about you, you know." Forth continued, still trying to convince me of his sincerity.

"It's time. I'm going back to class."

I didn't want to talk about that anymore and I made sure he could tell by my tone. He sighed and stood up with me. We made our way to my classroom.

"Do you really not want to have dinner with me?" He asked when we stopped in front of the class.

"No." I snatched my bag from him and entered the classroom.

"Did you change your mind about having lunch with me because of Ai'Forth?" Ai'Pha asked as I made myself comfortable on my seat.

"No. He came on his own." I ruffled through my bag without bothering to look at him.

"Are you two dating now?" Ai'Pha continued and they both turned expectant eyes at me.

"No, we're not." I answered emphatically, still without looking any of them directly in the eye.

"You're still playing hard to get?" This time I looked Kit in the eye before answering.

"You're one to talk, Ai'Kit."

"I had my reasons." Kit shrugged and looked away.

"I have my reasons too." I wish they'll stop hoping that Forth and I will get together.

It was a little after nine pm when I walked into my room. I sighed in relief. This is my space, a space I control, a space I value. I've never done 'it' here and nothing changes unless I want it to. Everything looked exactly the way I'd left it in the morning. I put my bag away, took my shoes of and lay down, enjoying the familiar feel of the sheets. I was asleep before I knew it.

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling unusually cold. I touched my hand to my forehead. Urgh, sweat, and my temperature is a little higher than normal. I stood up, too quickly, I fell back on the bed. Fucking shit.

I stood up again, a little slower. I made my way to the bathroom and got some first aid out of my medicine cabinet. I ingested the medicine without thinking. Moments later I started feeling worse. My stomach ached, I felt woozy. I was supposed to eat before taking the pills. I'd forgotten that I barely ate anything all day. I reached for my phone, turned it on and dialed a number.