A Look Inside

Get Better
—
I feel so useless and inconvenient most of the time. I don't know how I started feeling this way or when, exactly. I have a feeling it started because my parents paid more attention to my brothers. Maybe that's because I always seemed to be okay with being by myself, I made it seem like I was alright with everyone not giving me a second thought.
One day I was okay with it, the next day I wasn't.
Past time, I felt irrelevant and insecure.
Present time, I feel worse. I feel as if I could just leave and no one would care or even notice. I don't get how I could matter or be an addition to anyone's life.
Some days are actually good and bearable. I can live with myself, I can see the good things in life. I want to live.
Other days are so miserable, I find it astonishing that I even got out of bed that morning. I want to die and never come back.

You know how people say that it gets better?
I wonder when that is. I wonder if it's true.

-h.r