Don't be scared when I am around (yoonmin) [finished]

WARNING [SENSITIVE THEMES AHEAD] READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

I never felt like I deserved something. I was always a worthless piece of shit, with no friends, no boyifriend or girlfriend, not good at any lesson, not good with my sister. I basically had no life. All I had was my beloved mother. This woman who raised me to be better, who taught me to believe in love and friendship, who taught me that this world has two colours: black and white. We must experience sorrow to find happiness. We may be happy and then we might feel sorrow again. It is a circle that doesn't end. Limitless, endless. We are so powerless against life. We cannot change some things that life has decided for us. Like the day my parents died. I never wanted this to happen. I loved them both deeply. They fought the bullies at school who were mocking me for my beliefs and my choices. They taught me how to write lyrics. They taught me how to love myself. Suddenly my father decided to stop making me feel these emotions. He decided that pain was the only emotion that I deserved. I honestly don't know why he changed. Alcohol perhaps. Drugs. He wasn't himself. My sister somehow was never his target. I couldn't escape from this terrible situation, this cage that held me captive. Only when I was with my mother I felt safe.

My dad punched me really hard one day. I put up a fight though. I didn't want to harm him. My mother would hate me if I harmed the person she loved since she was seventeen, her husband. He didn't care if he harmed his child. He took a glass bottle and broke it on my head. It started bleeding so much that most of the floor turned red. I was dizzy but I still had my senses. When he grabbed his belt and hit my back with it. I didn't remember how many times he did. The wounds are gone now, but the pain is still the same. After that, he grabbed my mother and kissed her really hard almost tearing her bottom lip. She was screaming, telling me to stay behind. He took her arm violently and dragged her to the door. He tied her on the front sit of our car and he started driving.

I had no strength left but I couldn't bare losing the only person that actually cared about me. I took my bike and I pedaled as fast as I could. My dad missed all the red lights and so did I. He stopped near the sea. I had no idea if he saw me or not so I hid behind a tree. I saw how bloody I looked. Little pieces of shattered glass had made their way on my hands tearing my skin and vains. I didn't care about the intolerable amount of pain. Not at all. My dad stepped out of the door. He held my mom who was kicking him with all her power. Unefficiently. I screamed with what I saw at that moment. He jumped off the cliff with her on his back. I panicked and run towards them. I couldn't see them. I had no phone. I was alone.

I was at the hospital for a week. When I woke up my sister was there, observing me like she didn't want me to wake up.

''You were the reason they died'' she yelled at me. ''Try to live with that''.

I was crying for I don't know how long. My grandparents who weren't living with us took us under their care. I had lost my life, my hope, my support. I didn't care about me. I could've saved her but I was useless because I was wounded. The real reason is that I am a fucking coward. I stopped putting up a fight after that incident. Everyone was gossiping about me and my sister didn't seem to care. I think I have heard her once, confirming that I was the last person who saw them before death. Bullies were hitting me, people were hating on me, even my teachers didn't bother asking me questions.

I returned with bruises and hickies all over my body one day. I had one of my wrists cut almost entirely. It was raining. I stood by the doorstep and cried heavily so that my grandparents couldn't be able to see my tears when I get inside. I wore a fake smile and walked in. My grandma hugged me tightly. I told her that I was fine but she just lifted my shirt up and saw my bruises. My legs couldn't lift me up. My grandpa grabbed me and helped me stand up. My grandma prepared me a warm bath and treated my wounds. She told me that if I don't tie them right my blood pressure might fall. She dressed me up and brought me hot tea. She asked me what had happened with tears in her eyes not knowing what to say, or what to do.

They trapped me in the bathroom. Two guys. They grabbed me and one of them was hitting me with a broomstick while the other one was licking and kissing my face. The other one took a piece of glass from a broken mirror and tried to cut my vains. I spit on his eyes making him unable to see and I hit the other on his crotch really hard. I ran outside of the school as fast as I could. People was watching me being unable to walk but didn't help me. Maybe because I was looking like an ugly piece of shit. My grandma hugged me tightly and covered me with a blanket. Afterwards my grandpa asked me ''Son, do you want to leave from here? We can go back to our old house and change schools. Tell me a yes and we will do it''.

''I don't want to trouble you...''

''It's settled then...we are moving in''.

I guess news travel fast here, in your town. People seem to know a lot stuff about me but I am okay with it. Because I met you Jimin. You seemed like a terrible guy at first but I have to admit that you are dope. Yeah I said dope. It's been a while since I had a proper conversation with someone. The only thing that kept me company all this time was my music. My lyrics. My notes. My equipment. You made me talk again. You and Jungkook even got me in the basketball team. I know people will never stop talking bullshit about me. I just need one person and I will be alright. A friend, who will make ME believe back in love AND friendship, back in black and white.

A friend like YOU.