Joey Gatto: Not Just A Fan

The bus was rowdy, but fun. Alicia and I were fangirling the whole time about how we felt like VIPs. I finally got the chance to ask her about her and Nick, I felt bad that I had been so caught up in everything with Joey. "So... how are things going with Nick?" I asked, trying to be subtle - Alicia never likes to make things into a big deal.

"Oh, pretty good..." I could see a smile emerging on her face. "We have been messaging a lot, he's a really genuine and silly guy. He is so goofy and his smile is so contagious." I was surprised she was so open about it, she deserves a good guy like Nick in her life. We continued to chat, and I debated whether or not to tell her the details of what had happened with Joey. I decided not to because I didn't want to steal the spotlight from her boy news, and also didn't want it to seem like I was making a big deal out of one kiss. Joey's fear of commitment loomed in the back of mind, as did my growing feelings for him. "you've only known each other for like a day," I reminded myself. Joey was sitting towards the back of the bus with the rest of the guys, rehearsing for their performance. In this case, rehearsing meant wrestling over the last stale doughnut from yesterday and attempting to freestyle to Joey's beatboxing... a talent I didn't realize was so sexy until I saw him do it. Lost in thought, I guess I had been staring, because Joey catches my eye and winks. Alicia gives me a suggestive look and waves me over to sit with him. She knows me too well not to suspect anything.

Shyly, I scoot my way towards where Joey is sitting. He gives me butterflies in a way that I had never felt before, which is just as nerve wracking as it is exciting, because I feel cautious about getting too attached. Joey puts his hand on my leg and gives me a playful smirk. An instant smile crosses my face. "We are almost there, pretty soon you will be fighting off girls left and right," I say, trying to keep the jealousy out of my voice. "Don't worry," he replies, "looking as good as you today, you will be fighting guys off left and right too - and you aren't even a creator." I blush bright red, and glance around the bus to make see if anyone is noticing our interaction. Everyone seems to be minding their own business except for Adam, who gives Joey a questioning glance before continuing to listen to his podcast. A few minutes of random small talk later, we pull up to the Digi convention center. The black bus is soon crowded with fans, and we are smuggled into a side entrance. I don't even realize until we get inside that Joey had grabbed my hand to keep from losing me in the crowd. Our interlocking fingers feel so right together, I note before quickly pushing the thought away. Despite Joey's flirting, I am cautious because when I fall, I fall hard, and I can't handle unrequited love right now.

Soon enough, it's time for us to say bye to the boys, at least for now, so they can go to their meet and greet and show. It's crazy to think that just a day ago, we were just fans, but now I would even consider us to be friends with these guys who we had idolised for so long. As we hug everyone on our way out, I notice Alicia and Nick sharing a lingering embrace. Nolan and I share a knowing smile, and he whispers to me, "I knew they should have sat together." After various "thank you agains" and "see you laters," Alicia and I head off to our Mikey Murphy meet and greet before the SDK show starts. After ages in line, Mikey signs my poster and takes pictures with Alicia and I. We say goodbye and giggle as we walk down the long halls of the building, stalling for time before we need to head towards the stage where the show is. Alicia shows me a text on her phone.

@Nick_TheHat: Hey Alicia! They are having trouble with the sound check, want to go grab a snack while they try to get everything set up?

The text brings and instant smile to her face. "Go," I say, secretly hoping to hear from Joey. I wait about 10 minutes and decide to text him. What do I have to lose?

@Lainie_Mueller: yo - wanna hit the fro yo truck while you wait for the sound system to get fixed? Maybe we can listen to some more music or something

A few minutes after I send the message, the "seen" icon pops up. I wait a bit longer and still no response. It becomes clear he won't answer. Of course he doesn't want to hang out with me. How could I be this stupid? It was one kiss. He's a popular and attractive youtuber, of course he probably hooks up with fans all the time. Just because he was nice and helped you doesn't mean he likes you it just means he's a good person, and was repaying the favor after we offered to drive them. I can't believe I let myself get my hopes up. I had only kissed a few guys before at parties, and never had anything serious. Why would this have been an exception? I continue to scold myself and decide to stop pacing around and just let myself cry. I slump down against the wall and tears start to fall down me cheeks. Lack of attention from boys is one of my biggest insecurities, on top of everything going on with my family, and the combination had resorted me into an emotional mess. I hear footsteps down the hall and rush to try to wipe off my cheeks. I don't want anyone to see me like this. I bury my head in my hands and wait for the person to pass, but instead, they sit down next to me.