Joey Gatto: Not Just A Fan

I mumble some sort of incoherent thank you to Ryan and run after Joey. I catch up and tap him on the shoulder. "Hey, look-" I start. He cuts me off.

"I just thought you were different Lainie. I felt like we had a connection. A real connection. Even though it hasn't been lone, we have opened up to each other so much. We have so many things in common. I should have known better. You are just another fan trying to make her way through the guys, chasing clout and forgetting we are real people." His speech has tear rolling down my cheeks for the third time today. "If that's really what you think of me, then clearly you don't know me at all. Ryan was literally just comforting me and trying to help me through an anxiety attack. My whole life has been spent feeling like I'm not enough, and that I am unlikeable. You leaving me on read plus everything with my brother just triggered a lot of emotions for me. If all I am to you is a clout chasing fan, then fine. Goodbye, Joey." I run down the hallway until I find an exit door. Joey calls after me but I don't turn around, making it clear I don't want to be followed.

 The cold air hits my face and I can feel my tears stinging my face. I cry for a few minutes and then receive a call for Alicia. I let it ring three times and take some deep breaths before answering. "Hey," I answer, in the most fake-cheery voice I could muster. "Hey L, I just finished with Nick, the show is gonna start soon, ready to meet up and get good spots? Where are you?" I pause a second, once again gathering myself, before replying, "just out on a little walk. I'll be right there, see you in 5! Hope you had fun with Nick!" I can practically her her grin through the phone as she says, "ok girl, see you in a few." Click. The call ends and I check my mirror to make sure my makeup isn't everywhere. I do a quick touch up of my eyeliner and stare at my reflection. I am better than this. I am a bad bitch. I am at my very first youtube even with my best friend. I got this. Even if this sudden confidence was forced, it at least helped get me into a better mindset before the rest of my day. I walk back inside, taking my time, and spot Alicia sitting on a bench. Before I could even ask, she spurts, "we kissed!" We both squeal in excitement, I am so happy for her and also grateful for a distraction. She tells me the story, of how he leaned in and kissed her mid sentence, because "he just couldn't wait any longer." I try not to get too jealous. I am glad I never told her about everything with Joey - not to keep secrets, but because of how it turned out. We find good places in the crowd to see the stage and the lights begin to dim. The whole show races by, with the boys cracking jokes and singing along to songs. It's over before I know it and Alicia and I are pushed out with the rest of the fans. "2 hours until Jack and Jack, wanna grab some real food?" she asks. Shit, with all this drama I forgot about the concert tonight. Suddenly, a tap on my shoulder jolts me from my train of though. I turn around and see the same crystal blue eyes I had stared into last night on the rooftop. "Hey Lainie, please, can we talk-" he starts, but I cut him off. "No. We are in a rush before our the concert later," I respond coldly. I lead Alicia away with a puzzled look on her face.