she's my world || chaesoo

Things at work had been quite busy since Jennie had broken up with her. Jisoo welcomed the distraction, but it did mean that she didn't have the same time to talk to Irene as she always had. They also hadn't been having the same catch-ups at night because after work everyone had been so exhausted most days. Irene had found her a few times at the bar, but they hadn't truly talked. If she was honest, Jisoo had been pushing her away.

After her confrontation with Chaeyoung regarding her drinking, Jisoo had stopped going to the bar, and instead she had been reading at nights in an attempt to avoid feeling the emptiness in the apartment. She got lost in the world of Rizzoli and Isles, hardly moving until tiredness forced her to give up and go to bed. Tonight she was approaching the end of the book, and as things escalated she'd ended up pouring a glass of red wine. Jisoo was almost at the end of the book when she heard a familiar knock at her door.

After marking her position in the book with the piece of paper that she was using as a bookmark, Jisoo put the book down and walked to the door, opening it to find Irene on the other side.

"Hi!" greeted Irene.

Jisoo frowned, "What's wrong?"

Irene frowned, giving Jisoo a quick light punch to the arm and walking into her apartment. "Man, what a way to greet your sister."

Jisoo closed her apartment door. "It's late. And you're too cheerful."

Irene plopped down on the couch, observing the glass of red wine on Jisoo's coffee table as she did so.

"How are you doing?" she asked, looking up at Jisoo who was still standing.

Jisoo fidgeted with her sleeve as she tried to figure out how to answer that question, before sitting down on the couch next to Irene.

"Come on, Jisoo. Talk to me. I've hardly seen you since you and Jennie ended things. I'm sorry I've not been around. How are you, honestly?"

"Honestly, I'm not doing too good."

Irene reached out and held Jisoo's hand. "Let me help you. Don't bottle up your feelings, Jisoo. Talk to me. I'm here for you. All of us are."

"Then why am I alone most nights?"

"Chu..."

Jisoo shook her head, the pained expression on Irene's face causing her to feel guilty.

"You know how busy I've been. I've sent you texts. I've called. You've been ignoring me. Don't try to put blame on me. That's not fair."

Jisoo sighed and lifted the wine glass up, taking a drink. "I don't know what I'm doing, Irene."

Irene rubbed Jisoo's back. "You're the strongest person I know, Jisoo. I know you're hurting, and I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it'll get easier. It just takes time."

Jisoo looked at Irene, who pulled her into a hug and took the wine glass from her, placing it on the table.

Being held in Irene's arms gave Jisoo the security to be vulnerable, and she talked about Jennie.

"She's the first person I truly loved, Unnie. We were good together, we were great together, and I didn't know I could be that happy. I didn't know I had it in me to do that. To be happy. To have a relationship like that. What we had was amazing. I told her I wanted kids. And that she would be the best mother of my kids. She really didn't want kids. Weeks later, she told me she was losing feeling, and falling in love with Kai. Sometimes I wonder what we could've been if I had just waited until a better time. I mean, what was I thinking?"

"Jennie was a massive part of your life. She taught you how to be true to yourself. And if you want kids and she doesn't, then letting her go so you can find someone who you can accomplish that with, that's being true to yourself. Jennie understood that. She knew you had to achieve what you wanted, and you couldn't do that with her. As much as that killed you both, it was the right thing."