Typical [L.P. + N.H. + A.I.]

Chapter Eight: Lost - Love

'Ashton, you do realise that I never said that I wanted to be with him? Do you realise that I never said that I love him? You just keep making decisions for me! You're the one who decided that I'd rather be with him than you. You're the one who decided that I love him and not you. Even if I keep telling from the start, that I only want you, I only see you. You just wouldn't have that. You never believed me! You never trusted me! You never wanted to!'

'I did believe you and I did trust you. But then you came here, you ran into him, and then suddenly you just Had to be friends with him again! And you wouldn't accept otherwise! And that's when I realise that you both love each other and that I can't do anything about it. Jess, you were never mine. It was always going to be you and Niall. I didn't see it before. I thought it's just a crush, it's nothing and you'll get over it, and you'll love me and we'll be happy together. And maybe, you believed that you loved me. Maybe you really thought that you had moved on and only wanted to be with me.'

'Loved? I still love you! I only Love you!'

'Let me finish! I'm not saying you're lying to me. I'm not saying you've been lying to me this whole time. I'm just saying that you have been lying to yourself. That subconsciously, you've never stopped loving Niall. And that when you saw him, it was triggered again and it started being less and less subconscious.'

'No! That's not true!'

'It is, Jess. Even if you're still in denial. It is! I mean I told you it's done, we're over, and you're not even crying! What kind of girl doesn't cry over a break-up?'

'It's not because I'm not crying in front of you that means I haven't cried at all. I spent a lot of my time today crying. I just don't feel like I can trust being vulnerable in front of you. I'm not sure that you'll hold me when I can't stand anymore because I'm crying so hard. And I don't feel like you'd try to calm me down and tell me that it's gonna be alright. Because you're the one ending this! I don't want to end it! I want to fix it! I want us to be better and be happy again!'

'Jess, there's nothing to fix. And we can't be happy together. We're not gonna be happy together. I'm doing both of us a favour here. You have to accept this. Because it's happening whether you like it or not. I'm sorry. I really am. But you're not alone. I'm leaving you knowing there's someone to pick up the pieces. I still care about you, but I know we're not meant to be together. I took the day to really think about it, and now I know it's what I want. It's what needs to be done.'

'You're still making decisions for the both of us on your own. We should've discussed it together. We should've come to this conclusion together!'

'Well, there you go, another reason why we don't work.'

'So this is really over huh...' I sigh.

'Yes. I'm sorry. But it's for the best! And since you're leaving tomorrow to London, you're free to spend the night here. I can crash at Cal's if it makes you more comfortable.'

'No, thank you. But I don't feel welcome here anymore. I'm gonna finish packing and go. Thank you for everything though. It was short, but it was nice.'

I walk close to him, put my hand on his cheek, 'I'll always only remember the good times with you. I get that it's over, I'm not saying I'm okay with it. But I accept it because it's what you want. Take care of yourself, Ashton.'

I got up the stairs, barely able to hold back my tears now that I'm alone. But before I finish the packing, I text Niall.

'Still up?'

'Yeah, what's up?'

'Pick me up, please? I don't have anywhere else to go.'

'Of course, I'll be there in 10!'

I make my way to the front door where Ashton is waiting.

'Should I even ask where will you stay until your flight?'

'You already know the answer.'

'I really hope he can me you happy, Jess.'

'Yeah, whatever.'

He opens the door and before letting me walk out for the last time, he lifts my head up to make me look at him

'Please don't be mad at me.'

'I'm not. I'm just mad in general. Not at you.'

'Are you gonna be okay?' 

'I'll make myself okay.'

'Jess...'

'Goodbye, Ashton.' I sigh walking out.

'Goodbye, Jessica.' He says closing the door behind me.