Uncovered Illusion - Taekook

We pull apart from each other a few seconds later, and for a moment I think I imagined the whole conversation, the whole argument, because Jungkook smiles a little and sits down on his bed again, almost like nothing happened at all. He looks down, rubs a hand over his face, then lifts his head and looks me right in the eyes, something hidden there that I've seen before, that I can't quite describe.

"When I was quite young," he starts out of nowhere, almost conversationally, "I met someone who seemed to see me as intelligent, important, whatever you wanna call it. I felt like I mattered to them. And it was all because they took me under their wing and taught me everything I know about technology and manipulating computers."

He sighs a little. "My mother died, as you know, and they just tried desperately to gain my trust even more than before. They created the code I had with my father, said it was about security. And then they made the decision to expand the gang hideout and become much more...extreme. She wasn't there to control my father, stop him from seeing the reality of the situation. And so he fell deeper into a trap he couldn't get out of, one I had never even seen coming. I thought it was my father's fault."

"Green Arrow?" I guess, and he nods once, reluctantly, hanging his head shamefully.
"Green Arrow used to be one of my favourite people. Until Junghoon died, and I took on his identity. Then things started to make sense."

"How so?"
"He'd taught Junghoon as well," Jungkook says simply, "but in a totally different way. To me, it was a game. To Hoon, it was a hunt. He was the man with the power, taking money for ransom online and controlling people's lives from his computer, I was trying to hack into criminal databases and revealing identities of key figures to the authorities. As it turned out, every person I exposed was brutally murdered by our gang for not being one of us."

He looks up, eyes brimming with tears. "I killed so many people, Tae, all because I never saw through their lies. I brought about the destruction of livelihoods, divided families, ruined people's futures all because I thought I was making a positive difference. They may have been criminals, but they didn't deserve what they got."

He takes a shaky breath, and for a moment I think he's going to break out into wild sobs, before he calms himself down again. "Green Arrow made me watch every clip he'd taken of the so-called 'executions' of these criminals. He'd stare at me with his creepy ass eyes, tell me I was a coward for being disgusted by what was on the screen. He was harsher than I'd ever known him. He was the one who made Hoon into an asshole. I know that now."

"And how were you supposed to see that, as a kid?" I ask him gently, and he shrugs, shaking his head.
"Something always felt wrong, but I put it down to being too superstitious. And then when things changed, I suppose I found myself drawn into my own lie, trapped without a way of escaping what I had created. If only I'd been myself, let my father choose my fate, let him blame me for Hoon's death. Then I could've avoided all of this."

I shake my head, determined to somehow help him believe that he's not to blame for all of this. I know it's not easy. I know that he struggles with this. But he has to learn to accept himself, because otherwise he'll never be as happy as he could be. Sure, he made a few mistakes, but he's a human being, and there's something very real about him, something that I can't deny.

"One day I'm going to make you realise that it wasn't all your fault," I tell him gently, cupping his face in my hand, and he doesn't push away as I was expecting him to. Instead he smiles sadly, lifting his gaze once more to meet mine.
"One day you'll realise that I'm not what I seem. It was my family that destroyed your life, the gang my father controls, and so by default I am guilty too."

I shake my head, switching to sit beside him and placing an arm around his shoulders, wondering if he'll pull away out of sheer guilt. Instead, he leans into the contact, resting his head on my collarbone. "If you think like that, you'll never think positively of yourself, and you'll never be happy. I'm not having that."