Uncovered Illusion - Taekook

Jungkook doesn't say much for a while once we've explained what's happened since the last time we saw our friends, and for a moment I think it's because he's blaming himself for something he didn't cause. Maybe he just wonders if things would be better if we weren't a team as we are today. Maybe he just thinks that I blame him for what's happened.

But then we have a moment to relax, when we have five seconds to sit down and be ourselves, he glances over at me. "Have I ever told you that I love you?"
"As a matter of fact, you have," I say quietly, almost shyly, somehow feeling flustered, and he cracks a smile.
"Well, I meant it."

I tilt my head at him. "I can literally detect lies. I knew that. I made you say it, if you remember rightly." His grin widens.
"Oh, I remember. Can't let myself forget something like that." Our friends turn to look at us, questioningly, but we just shake our heads in unison. "Nothing important, don't worry," he lies, squeezing my hand as an apology for the dishonesty.
"We're talking about the day he told me he loved me," I blurt out, and he goes bright red.

"Wait, that happened?" Yoongi questions, leaning forward, clearly more interested than I'd anticipated. "And it was true, I'm guessing, otherwise you wouldn't be that happy about it?" I nod shyly. "That's fucking adorable, what the hell?"
"Language, young man!" Jim scolds him automatically, and Yoongi sends the elder a half-serious scowl at the interruption.

"You're not my mother!"
Jin rolls his eyes. "That doesn't give you an excuse. Maybe I just don't like bad language?" he points out.

"He's right, babe. Give him a break, alright?" Jimin offers, laying a hand on Yoongi's arm, and the older just nods at his boyfriend's logic, looking a little guilty for a moment.
"Fair enough. Sorry, hyung."

"It's fine. Just watch it, yeah?"
"Will do," Yoongi promises quietly, nodding once and leaning back into the embrace of both Jimin and Hoseok, who welcome the warmth with fond smiles. Jin smiles sheepishly.
"Thank you. I'll try not to be so sensitive-"

"It's fine, love. We all understand," Namjoon says gently, placing a hand on his boyfriend's back for a moment, comfortingly. "You're allowed to have an opinion. We're the last people to judge you." Jin just nods a little.
"Thanks, Joon." Namjoon cracks a smile, kissing the side of his head and bringing him into a hug.
"Anytime, hun."

Jungkook rolls his eyes at the display of romance around us, before turning to me. "My precious darling prince, I-" he starts, and then can't continue, because he's too busy laughing at himself, almost hysterically. I just cross my arms and raise an eyebrow at him, pretending to be annoyed, until he calms down.

"Are you done there?" I ask quietly, pretending to be mad, and he panics slightly.
"Tae, I didn't mean to-"

"I know, you mug, I'm just messing with you." He pouts at me, genuinely pouts, and the expression is too cute for me to process for a moment. It's so unlike him, that it strikes some part of me that never seems to be affected by this sort of thing.

"That was an asshole move, Tae, what kinda-"
"Sorry, but I couldn't help it," I admit. "I love you really, you know that, right?" He nods, pressing our lips together again for a moment before pulling away again.

"And we're the disgustingly cute individuals? Yeah right," Hoseok says, almost sarcastically, the sass coming from him a surprise, until I see the humour hiding in his eyes. "You two are like.....honeymoon phase multiplied by a million, so.."

"Hobi, that's an underestimate, I think," Yoongi comments, looking amused, just to watch the two of us get flustered, and both of us give him a dark look. "Damn, the lovebirds have the anger, better not tease them too much."

"Yoongs, you can't talk, you literally proposed-" Jungkook starts, and the trio raise an eyebrow at us.
"Yeah, he did, and when are you going to, Kook?" Jimin questions, smirking a little.

Jungkook's eyes widen, and he steps back, blush growing further. "I-I can't answer that," he says simply, glancing over at me for a moment before shaking his head quickly and trying to hide behind me, away from their knowing eyes.

"That means you will, right?" Hoseok adds in, and for a moment I think my boyfriend is going to explode. He can't say anything, because I will know if it's true or not, and the information could really mess with our relationship as a whole. I think the others must have forgotten that, which makes sense. It's been a while, after all. So I don't mind. And his avoidance of an answer makes sense too, because he doesn't know for certain.

Or maybe he does. But I have no right to his mind, other than what he wants to share with me.

Then he looks up, something changing in his expression. "You would be the last to know, hyung," he responds suddenly, his tone playful, eyes flashing with some sort of humour that I'm not privy to. For a moment I think that this means that he's annoyed, but I should know better than that. Jungkook doesn't get angry that easily.

Not anymore. He doesn't have to act like somebody he's not. That's the important thing.

The trio look confused, almost offended, for a moment, until Jungkook breaks into a now-familiar smile, one that speaks of dark humour and dry sarcasm, the start of a genuine laugh fading in his throat as soon as it begins, out of shame or awkwardness, I don't really know. Then there's a relieved sigh that seems to come from the air itself, and the conversation moves on, when Namjoon brings up something he's done recently.

For a while, I'm happy to fade into the background, lean on Jungkook's shoulder, feel his arm creep round my waist as if he's scared I'll stop him from doing so. Sometimes it's just nice to think, good to consider what's here and what's behind us. Sometimes it's nice to experience a moment of peace in lives that have been more than a little chaotic.

These are my best friends, some of the most important people in my life. I've grown up with them, most of them, fallen in love with one of them. So sitting here, in a house which is clearly owned by Jin and Namjoon, or at least rented, it makes me think that life can move on. We can be adults, fully functioning people. Sure, we've dealt with some real shit over the years, but we can move on.

And I think I finally understand what it is to grow up. It's not about letting go of an inner child, or destroying dreams of future holidays and fancy outings. It's about taking responsibility for your own future, your own healing, your own heart. If you want to move on, if you want to carry on living, if you're really strong enough, it won't happen on its own. You can't sit by and watch yourself be picked back off the floor.

Sometimes, we have to pull ourselves out of a black hole before someone sees that we need help. And that's okay. Hard work doesn't solve everything, doesn't change the memories, the last look in 21's eyes when she threw herself in front of me, the haunting image of the knife in Green Arrow's back.

But they didn't die for nothing. I will never be able to forget it, never be able to forget the look on my older sister's face when we saw each other again in that little cafe, the pained look on her face when she talked about our family and how everything has slowly begun to break apart. Those thoughts will be locked in my head, now and forever.

But that's okay. Because I can make new memories now. If I never allow myself to feel anything other than the trauma, other than that paralysing fear, other than the pain, I won't have a life. I'll be less than human, a husk of a person who can't truly live a proper life. We got out of hell, and now we've got to make our own version of heaven on earth.

Ain't nobody gonna do it for us.