heartbroken: a compilation

Before 

Before you I used to wonder what it was like

staring at the moonlight

what life would be like

to have someone good

After you

I realize that gentle caresses and rough play

are not determined by being good or bad

Before you I wondered what 

real conversations were

After you

I felt the change

and maybe I am not the one meant for real conversations

Before you

I thought my abusive toxic  lover was the poison

After you

I realize that I was the poison too

Hook Ups and Tinder

I held my end of the bargain

I told myself I would move on

That I would hate myself less

I would distract myself

with alcohol and sex

with fake companionship 

and fake love

But then you came along

and you felt safe

I never had someone like you before

maybe I said that before

but this was different

I tried to hold onto it

but I knew from the start

that this wasn't a date

this wasn't going anywhere

But yet I started falling

and I forgot to catch myself

I can't tell you

for fear that you'll get scared 

and you will leave

now I hate myself more

because no amount of sex or alcohol 

will make me forget you

After

After you

there was an emptiness

a void inside me

wondering where love would come from

or if love even existed