heartbroken: a compilation

Part 4: Healing is a lifetime

not to put you in jail

just for a protection order

and of course

I was rejected

I asked for help

by two police officers 

and they said

I was the issue

that I was a threat to myself

but the threat was you

when I asked for help

after an ambulance ride

after losing what was inside me

because of you

the hospital ride, ended with an overnight stay

because I could hurt myself

but I was bleeding because of you

as time passed

I became afraid to reach out for help

I was scared

that my trauma would be rejected

that as a survivor, no one had believed me before

so that wouldn't change

moving towns

find new friendships

and strong relationships

I reached out once again

and the fear, lying ;

to make sure I wouldn't be taken again

made me shut down

it took a while

but now I got help

and I don't have to be afraid

and I don't have to lie about my self-harm

I get the full help I need

which to me

is still strange

Loving myself

i sat in front of that chair

and she asked me

if I was a victim, a survivor

i couldn't look her in the eye 

as I said no

she asked why

and I replied

I don't see myself that way

I didn't survive anything,

I was raped,

I was abused

but that wasn't surviving.

she asked why

i didn't view myself as a victim

and I said,

because I didn't stop them,