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v - i could never do that

608 20 21
                                    

A few days passed by and Anne didn't really talk to anyone. She wasn't in the depths of despair anymore, but she just felt numb.

Ruby always talked about a boy, but without saying his name, so Anne was still living in thought, that she still liked Gilbert and decided to ignore it, as she didn't want to listen to the same thing all over again.

Ruby was almost writing poems about the boy and was basically saying to the girls not to even think about him, so Anne thought her crush on Gilbert is even stronger than before, though she didn't know when that happened.

That made her think that if the girls saw her with Gilbert, even talking, they would literally murder her. That's why she completely stopped any contact with him, even in class. She didn't even enjoy their rivalry anymore. It was just a matter of their habit.

But she wasn't the only one hurt. The hazel-eyed boy was too. He knew he fancied and adored her. He liked her, and she made it really hard for him. He was struggling. He didn't say anything to John, though he knew he should, as he would give him some really useful advice.

He just couldn't manage to even think about her not talking to him, so talking about her seemed almost impossible.

She avoided him for years, why does it hurt only now? He knew there was affection from his side all along- that's why it seemed even more confusing and frustrating.

Today, Anne felt a little better, so she started talking to the girls again, not to the boy though.

She even raised her hand a few times to answer, but Gilbert didn't, which she didn't understand.

He's been acting odd recently, she thought. But why? I don't remember anything bad happening to him after the dance. But it's true that i haven't been talking to him since the dance. What if it's about his dad?! What if it's serious this time? And i am not there for him. But he said that John was feeling a lot better when they came back and it's not even two weeks...

Or... what if i am the reason why is he so sad and empty-looking?! That's not possible, is it? It's true that he looked so happy when we were friends and suddenly when i stopped that, that was the time when he started to become this... i can't even think of a proper word- when did i become this numb? she sighed and furrowed her eyebrows.

She thought for a second.

Oh my god! I am really hurting him! I am the reason! No! I didn't want that!! I just didn't want the girls to see us being normal friends... I wasn't intending on hurting him! Well, maybe i was going to when i wanted to stop talking to him, but i can't let myself ruin him! But why would he care what i, a homely ugly orphan, do and why would it hurt him so much? No! I... i need to apologize...

She glanced at the boy. He was reading a book but his expression said that he didn't have the slightest idea, what was going on in the story. He was just looking at the pages with empty eyes. God, he looks awfully tired. And quite handsome... but so sad... ohhh what have i done? Again and again and again!!

He was. He was so tired, so hurt, so numb. Someone would say that he overreacted - it was just an orphan girl at the end of the day, but she wasn't to him. He adored and admired her since the first day, she was the extraordinary person that he's been waiting for all his life. He would become an orphan too, sooner or later, and he knew it, though that thought scared him and he couldn't imagine it even a little bit.

She felt terrible and so did he, one way or another.

He fancied her so much and she kept breaking his heart every day all over again. He once even thought he would give up on her because she was slowly destroying him. He didn't know if she did it intentionally and she was so cruel or didn't mean to. He didn't dare to guess.

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