If This Is How It Ends [FIN]

#ITIHIEnds00

Huminga muna ako ng malalim bago ako lumabas sa kotse ko. Mga ilang minuto din akong nanatili sa loob; to think, to breathe, to compose myself. I selfishly took my time. Alas quatro ang napagusapan naming oras ng pagkikita. Dumating naman ako ng limang minuto prior pero umabot na ako ng 4:30 sa loob ng sasakyan. This isn't what I've expecting. I've planned for this meeting for a thousand times. I calculated everything and played too many different scenarios in my head, just to make sure na I am ready for this. This is just to make sure na I won't let him see that I'm a wreck without him. Truth be told na kahit ilang beses ko pang planuhin to, I would still get nervous if it involves him. He destructs my equilibrium — this is the result of my overall assessment with him. He's an outlier na I don't want to get myself into, but I did, anyway.

I reached for my red lipstick in my bag and shakily applied it on my lips. Fortunately, kahit nanginginig na ng sobra ang mga kamay ko, I still applied it okay. Maybe I'll add that to my list of talents when this meeting is over.

When I'm satisfied with my appearance saka lang ako bumaba sa kotse. Automatically, I put on my facade — the face of a prideful, independent, selfish, arrogant and strong woman.

Pinagbuksan ako ng pinto ng guard at dahil kokonti lang naman ang mga tao na nandito, agad ko din siyang nakita. Nakaupo siya sa dulong bahagi ng coffee shop. Maraming bakanteng table ang nakapaligid sa pwesto na yon and it feels private.

Naramdaman niya sigurong may papalapit sa kanya kaya ibinaling niya ang tingin sa akin. Nakipagtitigan din ako sa kanya hanggat sa makarating at makaupo ako sa bakanteng upuan na nasa harap niya. Sinadya ko talagang hindi alisin ang tingin ko sa kanya kahit sa gustong gusto ko itong iiwas.

His stares were different now. Eto ang una kong napansin mula sa kanya. Walang masyadong nagbago sa physical appearance niya, Lumaki lang ng bahagya ang kanyang katawan pero sakto lang naman ito. He probably goes to the gym frequently to maintain a toned body inside his perfectly tailored suit. His hair was cut clean. And he looked tanner now. Gwapo pa rin naman siya but he seemed cold and distant now. His eyes that were once warm and inviting turned out to be cold and spiteful.

"I don't have the time for staring contest." Panimula ko. I tried to sound uninterested as much as possible. I begged myself to sound unaffected. Yun lang, yung lang sana ay magawa ko ng tama because all of this is too much for me.

Umangat ang gilid ng labi niya. But I knew that wasn't a smile because there's no sweetness in it. More likely, it was a smile na parang nangiinsulto.

"50 million for your company Anka." Naglabas siya ng isang folder at niluwal non ang kontratang ilang linggo ng nagpapasikip ng dibdib ko.

He wanted to buy my company but I was in no way would approve to that. That's the fruit of all the hard work I did and my loved ones before me. This company is the only thing that makes me alive. It is a reminder that I still have a hold on my life, na hawak ko pa ang buhay ko, ang nagiisang reminder na nasunod ko yung mga plano ko. I don't want anyone to take this away from me.

"No. We can still recover from the loss, Joachin. You should never underestimate me." Nakipagsukatan ako ng tingin sa kanya. Kailangan kong tatagan. Di ko hahayaang makuha niya pa ito sakin.

"For fuck's sake, Anka Bernadette. Why can't you just admit to yourself that this is a lost case?!" Tumaas na ang boses niya. Niluwagan niya ang tie ng suit niya. He was mad. He's breathing heavily, halatang pinipigilan ang inis.

"This isn't, Joachin! You know that this company is important to me and yet what, you will buy it, for what?! Tell me now, Joachin Ruelle! You want to buy it to shove it in my face that you win, again. You want to buy it cause you want revenge! For what reason?! Ah yes, it's because I inflicted pain on Therese, whom, by the way, was the girl you cheated on me with!" Ibinagsak ko ang kamay ko sa lamesa so sobrang frustration ko. Mabilis na rin ang paghinga ko sa sobra sobrang emotion na nafifeel ng puso ko. Parang gusto niya ng sumabog. But I won't let that happen in front of this man. I will never show him that he destroyed me.

He sighed and instead of rebutting, he collected the papers and put them again on the folder. Tumayo siya at tumalikod na sa akin. Ngunit bago pa siya tuluyang umalis, "You still won't listen again, Anka. You still let your pride get into you. That's why you always lose. And you'll lose again, Anka. I'll make sure of that." He said with finality saka tuluyang lumabas.

Nanatili lamang ako sa upuan ko, No bastard, I cannot lose to you again. I cannot destroy myself again for you. Because if that happens, nothing will be left for me.