If This Is How It Ends [FIN]

#ITIHIEnds07

Hindi ako nagmumura. My past principle told me that cursing is the lowest form of insult and that would not make any arguments valid. And that I would not use them haphazardly to make a point or to solidify a stance. Because when I do, I lost against my emotions, I lost against my better judgement. Sa akin lang yon, prinsipyo ko lang yon. I do not, in any way, coerce this against anyone. But to make my point, I seldom, almost to never, curse.

Not until, of course, today. I heard it perfectly. He said he was jealous over nothing. Why would he say that? And for what? Of course, I wasn't dense. I knew that it was for me because ako lang naman ang kausap niya kanina. But what I don't understand is bakit may pagsabi ng pagseselos? Kanino siya nagseselos? Bakit? Para saan? Napamura tuloy ako kasi kahit ayaw kong isipin, it would definitely make its way sa utak ko.

Parang tanga din naman kasi dahil kahit anong gawin kong pag-iiwas sa kanya, lagi siyang sumusulpot. Tsaka di rin nakakahelp masyado na classmate ko siya and everyday ko siyang nakikita plus magpartner pa kami sa research. Alam mo yung feeling na kailangan na kailangan mong magconcentrate pero yung opposite yung nangyayari? Sumasakit ang ulo ko.

Salong salo ng palad ko ang noo ko dahil di ko maintindihan yung seatwork namin. I can't will myself to focus on the numbers. Super sakit talaga ng ulo ko. I don't think na figuratively speaking na lang yung sakit nito. As in literal na siya. Umiikot na yung numbers sa harapan ko at lumalabo na yung paningin ko. I begged myself to write my answers kahit di na masyadong nafifigure out yung solution, talagang inayos ko yung final answer. Binilugan ko pa para mas sure na makita ng checker yung final answer ko. Yun lang naman yung iniiscore ng professor. Need lang yung solution kapag may icocontest kang sagot or mali yung pagkacheck ng paper mo. But to have a score, dapat may solusyon pa rin para maconsider siyang tama.

Tatayo sana ako para iabot sa table ng prof yung paper ko nang maramdaman ko ang panlalabo ng paningin at matinding pagkahilo. I think matutumba ako in this condition. And true to that, bumagsak nga ako sa sahig.

When I woke up, I found myself lying on one of the beds in the clinic. Agad kong tinignan ang wrist watch ko. It's already 7:30pm. And nagstart na yung last subject namin. Halos pala di ako nakapasok sa mga subjects namin for today. I sighed. Kinapa ko yung noo ko and found out that I'm catching a slight fever.

"You feel okay?" I heard a voice coming from my side. It was Joachin. I didn't know he's here. Akala ko dahil lang may sakit ako kaya uncomfortable ang feeling ko. Yun pala, present din yung uncommon feelings na nafifeel ko when he's around.

I nodded and sighed. I sighed because I cannot afford to be sick. It's something that I don't need to have at this time. But maybe, eto rin yung mga bagay na kusa ka na lang dinadapuan kahit ang healthy ng lifestyle mo.

Nanatili lang kaming tahimik sa loob ng clinic. Kami lang din namang dalawa ang nasa loob. I'm contemplating kung hahabol pa ako sa last subject. It's an accounting subject pa naman. Inalis ko yung kumot na nagtatakip sa lower body ko.

"Don't ever think about of going back to the classroom, Anka. I already talked to our professor. Don't over exert yourself." Joachin pulled my wrist and guide me back to the bed. He also fixed the blanket.

"Thank you." I said in a low voice. I don't know if he can hear that but still, at least, I expressed my gratitude. Also, I could not erase the fact that someone other than my family and myself, who cares for me. Kasi kung di siya nagkecare diba, he would just let me there on the floor? But on the other thought, pwede rin naman dahil inutusan siya ng prof namin. Actually, baka nagulat nga yung prof namin na may nahimatay sa class niya. I sighed again.

"Okay ka lang ba talaga? Para kang nahihirapan huminga." Joachin observed.

"I'm fine. I don't know how to say this but, really, thank you Joachin. It could be no one and I would be left there sick and crying." I honestly said.