like honey but poisoned

The room was drenched in candle light, as I had never felt the need to get a bedside lamp, since I found candles so much nicer.
I read "Call Me By Your Name", since everyone had made such a fuss about it. I had been sceptical at first, but now I actually enjoyed it, especially Elio's poetic nature, was something I grew fond of.
All my attention was focused on the book, when I heard the door creak.

I looked up, to see Lissa standing there, in her nightgown and with Hercules in her arms.
"Can-can I sleep in y-your bed?"
I put my book on the bedside table.
"Yes, sure you can."
She almost ran towards the bed and I wondered, what caused her to be so scared.
I pulled the blanket over her and she snuggled up close to me.
"What's wrong?"
She just shook her head.
"You don't want to talk about it?"
She nodded.
"It's okay."
I put an arm around her.
"Do you mind if I still read for a bit?"
She shook her head again and I picked up my book to continue.

I thought she had fallen asleep, just when I heard her say my name.
"Marie?"
"Hm?"
"Do you remember our deal?"
"Yes, sure I do."
"I want something."
"What do you want?"
"I want lots of Sanrio plushies."
I rolled my eyes, but smiled.
"You really want that?"
"Yes."
"Well, a deal is a deal."
When she didn't answer I continued reading again, 'though I could only read 3 sentences until I was interrupted again.
"Marie?"
"What?"
"There's still something else that I want."
I put my book down.
"What do you want?"
"I want to have a nice ball arranged here in the castle, you know, with dancing and nice decoration and all that."
I sighed. I wasn't fond of events and festivities.
"Are you sure you really want that?"
"Yes."
"Okay, well, why not, I bet Vanessa will love this idea."
I continued reading again.
"Marie?"
"I've been trying to read the same sentences now over and over again."
"Sorry."
I sighed again.
"What is it that you want now?"
"A kiss on the forehead."
I looked at her in surprise.
Hesitantly I kissed her forehead.
Being affectionate was still something I needed practice at, I was too used to being rude.

Once again, my sleep wasn't a peaceful one, as I had another nightmare, 'though they had slightly changed since Lissa was here.
This time I dreamt, that I walked into the dark cellar, following the childish giggle only to see Lissa sitting on a chair, holding one of the chopped off heads like a baby.

When I awoke I couldn't breathe and my chest felt heavy.
I tried to reach the asthma spray on my bedside table, but it was too far away and I could barely move. I looked around in a panic and saw that Lissa was lying on top of me, since I couldn't breathe, I tried to shove her off me, but I felt so weak in this moment.
Luckily my attempts to shove her away had woken her up.
"What's going on?" She mumbled, still half asleep.
Then her eyes widened, when she understood the situation and she got up in a hurry. At this point I was close to fainting.
"Oh my God, Marie! What can I do? What do you need?! Say something!"
I pointed to the bedside table and she got the hint.
She gave me the asthma spray and I inhaled deeply.
Lissa kept mumbling "don't you die next to me", while I tried to steady my breathing again.
When I could finally breathe normally again, I said:
"God, that was so embarassing."
Lissa stared at me with disbelief.
"You're almost dying and all you can think of is your image?"
"No, that's not it, I just -"
I paused wondering, whether it was a good idea to tell her my thoughts or not.
"I just didn't want you to see that."
Lissa shook her head.
"But why? It's nothing to be ashamed of. You had an asthma attack, so what?"
I sighed.
"I guess I'm just not used to someone seeing me like that."
"Vulnerable you mean?"
"Yes. And somehow you constantly get to see me in such a state."
"Well, if it makes you feel better about yourself, you looked elegant while almost dying."
"I didn't almost die!" I argued. "Wait you actually thought so?"
Lissa smirked.
"Yes, you looked truly majestic."
I rolled my eyes at her sarcastic remark.
"Oh shut up."

Later that day I went to the saloon to have a talk with Vanessa, it was necessary, but I didn't look forward to it.
"Darling, you wanted to talk ? What is it? Is something on your mind? How's it going with Lissa?"
"That's definitely too many questions at once, Vanessa."
I crossed my arms.
"But mon cœur, it's been a while since we talked and I care about you."
"Do you really?"
Vanessa sighed.
"Fine, just tell me why you wanted to talk then."
What do they say? No answer is an answer nonetheless.
"Lissa wants to have a ball arranged here."
My aunt poured herself some tea, then looked up with excitement.
"Really? Oh how lovely! We haven't had a ball anymore in such a long time." Vanessa folded her hands and smiled.
"Just leave it all to me, I'll talk to the servants and I'll make sure it'll be an unforgettable ball."
"Okay good, that was actually everything."
"Marie, wait! About your question....I do care about you, I just never know how to tell you."
"Yea, sure whatever."

After talking to Vanessa, I went to the garden to meet up with Lissa.
I was surprised to see her sitting on the front porch eating an apple while reading, she hadn't touched a single book all this time.
When I identified the book my eyes grew wide. It was 50 Shades Of Grey.
"Uh, where did you get that?" I knew the library like the back of my hand and 50 Shades of Grey wasn't part of the collection, as I heavily disliked the concept of this twisted story.
"Got it from Vanessa," she said without looking up.
"And, do you like it?"
"Maybe, dunno, haven't read much of it yet."
"Sure you even want to read that?"
"It's entertaining."
I shook my head.
"Look, but it really shows a distorted version of uh desire, I wouldn't even call it love -"
"Yes, okay, mom, I got it."
She handed me the book.
"I-I didn't mean it like that, I mean if you want to read it-"
"No it's fine, I read the sex parts already and skipped the rest."
I stared at her, my mouth agape.
"Close your mouth or I might get ideas, because the book corrupted my naive brain," she said and winked at me, before walking outside.

For a while we simply sat in the grass playing chess. It was the third match we played and Lissa seemed more frustrated by the minute, because she was close to losing again.
"Lissa, I've been thinking and I barely know anything about you, like I don't mean to force you to open up, I'd just like to get to know you."
"Are you trying to distract me from the game?"
"No, I'm just trying to make conversation."
Lissa sighed.
"Okay, well, what do you want to know?"
"I dunno....just something, like.... what's your full name?"
"Lissa Thalia."
She diverted her gaze to the sky.
"That's your full name?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Dunno, I thought Lissa was a nickname."
"Well, it's not."
She seemed slightly impatient.
"When's your birthday?"
"May 27th."
"Favorite color?"
"Pink."
"I don't think I have to ask for your fave book since you don't read much, but fave movie?"
"Easy. The Virgin Suicides. But now I want you to answer these questions too!"
I rolled my eyes.
"Fine. I'm Marie Adèle Rémont, my birthday is January 28th, my fave color is black, my favorite movie is Donnie Darko and my favorite book is Alice In Wonderland."
Lissa started laughing.
"Honest? You read so much and probably already read more than I ever will, but your fave book is Alice in Wonderland ?" She shook her head in amusement.
"Hey, stop it, it's a deep and thoughtful book actually, if one looks more into it!"
"Sure, if you say so."
"Uhm, Lissa, there's still something else, I wanted to talk about."
I started biting on my nails, a nervous habit I had ever since I can remember.
"I just wanted to tell you, that if something bad happened to you and you feel the need to talk about it, just know I'll listen."
"That's really sweet you know, but I don't need it."
"Are you sure, I mean sometimes you seem so scared and when-"
"Oh you know I'm just being a coward who's scared in the dark, let's not talk about it." She laughed awkwardly.
I was about to say something when she said:
"Checkmate."
And I noticed I had lost the game.