Finding Myself Again (Adopted by Markiplier)

~Five~

I was binge-watching season sixteen of Grey's Anatomy when a knock erupted at my door. 

"Come in!" I paused the episode I was on. 

"Why are you watching porn?" Mark had a bewildered look on his face and I sat there confused for a second.

"I don't watch porn Mark, oh my god this is Greys Anatomy." I started laughing, "Really? That name sounds like porn." I unpaused to show him, and the next scene shifted from Link and Amelia having sex to Andrew in surgery. Mark made an "ohhh" face. 

"Well anyways, I made dinner if you want some. It's basically some chicken and vegetables." damn, how long was I watching Netflix? 

"Sure! I have to study with my friend at like 7, though." I grabbed my phone and saw that it was 6:15. "Ah, it won't take that long." We headed into the kitchen and ate. We talked about random stuff. 

10 minutes into eating, my phone started ringing with a FaceTime from Maddie. Mark gave me a look that signaled me that I could answer it. "Hey girl!" Her face popped up on the screen, she was on her bed and her glasses were on. "Hey! Where are you, that isn't your kitchen." Maddie leaned closer to her phone as if that would let her peer into the room. I rotated my phone to show Mark, who gave a wave. "Hi Karli's friend, I'm Mark!" He tried saying but his mouth was full. "Holy mother fucking shit, is that the guy Em reads porn about? Oh, wait, smut? Lemon? Whatever, you know what I mean." I burst out laughing. 

"She does what now?" Mark interrupted wide-eyed. "I mean, I know people write about me but damn aren't yall like 16?" Okay, this conversation is getting weird. "Okay enough," I started giggling, "Maddie and I have to study for our history final on Monday. Do you need help cleaning up in here, Mark?" He shook his head, not being able to answer because he was laughing so hard. I quickly rinsed my plate off and put it in the dishwasher and went upstairs.

"Okay, why the fuck are you at Markiplier's house? Emily is gonna lose her shit!" Maddie's voice came from my phone as soon as I shut the door. "He's taking care of me while my parents are at the hospital. It might turn into a permanent thing, which is weird to think about but at the same time I'm super grateful." I began telling her the entire story, and after a few minutes of joking around, we began to study. 

After a while, we hung up, it's around 9 pm now. I was about to work out to stay in shape for next season when I got a notification from Luke on Snapchat. I put my makeshift dumbells down and opened it up to see a below-average sized dick on my screen. I cringed and quickly clicked off the picture. Size doesn't matter to me, but like it looks like a pig in a blanket. You know, the food with half a hotdog wrapped in a sheet of dough? I left him on open. 

A few minutes later he texted again with a pretty rude text. 

Luke: yo wtf you leave me on read for?

I sighed. Clearly men don't take hints. 

Me: I'm sorry, now it isn't a good time

 I'm gonna be honest, I wasn't all that attracted towards him, but sometimes he made up for it in a way. 

Luke: oh right ur crying over your parents. go cry a pity party lmfao 

Okay, ouch. That's low even for him. 

He sent a voice message, I was hesitant to listen to it, but I did anyway. 

"Hey, Karli! I'm at the end of sophomore year party, sad you weren't invited, we could really use your curvy ass over here." It was clear he was drunk, he was slurring, but that didn't change how much it hurt. 

*TW ANXIETY ATTACK

It's like all at once, everything came crashing down. Reality finally hit and it was not fun. I felt my breath start to go 100 mph and my heart was pounding. I looked around for my Prozac, I forgot to take it this morning. Somehow, through my teary blurry vision, I found the orange bottle. it was empty. I threw it onto the floor, and it clanged away, rolling away from me. I started punching my thigh until it was beet red, it's going to leave a bruise, but honestly, I don't care right now. I didn't want to bother Mark about it, I couldn't. He's done so much for me already, he doesn't need to deal with an anxiety-ridden teenager. 

I slowly stood up, I managed even though I was trembling like a chihuahua that was in a room colder than 75 degrees. I made my way to my bathroom and climbed into the tub, the cold feeling of the tile helps calm me down. Remembering what my therapist told me, I took 10 slow breaths in and out, focusing on nothing but my breathing. 

After I successfully calmed down, I dried my tears and did my skincare routine. I feel numb. So fucking numb, but somehow I feel everything. After changing into a long teeshirt and flowy shorts, I downed some melatonin and fell asleep. I don't want to be awake right now, not with the knowledge that I could lose the only people that matter the most right now. It hurts too bad.