Ruins of Darkness

I hastily made it back to the training room, opening and closing the door with the force. I was starting to freak out again. Lia's words earlier were encouraging, but now I had to deal with the weight of what I had to do. Was I being dramatic? I hated to think that other people saw me as a weak, scared little girl, but I wasn't going to sugarcoat this. Not this time. 

Because I was petrified. And rightfully so.

I ran a nervous hand through my hair, taking in a deep and somewhat shaky breath. Echos of what had been said earlier raced through my mind, creating chaos in its wake. My mind was in a frenzy, and I felt myself begin to spiral.

Fulfill the prophecy, and don't hold back. I heard Lia's voice repeat throughout my mind. You need to convince him, y/n. This has to work. You must not fail. Rey spoke, her voice was strong & confident. I even thought back to Hersh. You're our only hope, y/n. We can't win this war without your help.

Together you will be a force of the light and destroy the darkness forever.

I raked a hand through my hair as Hersh's words repeated endlessly in my mind.

"Fuck!" I yelled, not even realizing that I had said it aloud until I heard my own voice echo throughout the atrium.

I had to do this. I needed to do this, and this needed to work. I let out a quiet groan in defeat as I thought about what this would mean. I hadn't tried to avoid it. I hadn't processed it. But now I understood. 

Even if he does for some miracle say yes, everything would be different. New thoughts chewed away at my brain. My hands ran through my hair so rapidly it was becoming tangled.

What about Leo and Red? I couldn't take them with me, right? Could I save Lia? I hesitated in my steps as I thought about her. She had been nothing but good to me. I owed her this freedom, this new life, this better life. 

I bit my lip hard, almost drawing blood in a state of utter & torturous panic.

And what if Kylo refused? My heart almost stopped as I thought about what that would mean. He wouldn't do that, right? He loves me, as I love him. I reassured myself nervously, trying to shake away the thought. But he is Kylo now. I could never be completely sure that Ben was still in his heart somewhere, in his mind even.

This is his new life. 

I began to think about what Luke had told me so long ago. The story of Padme and Anakin. Anakin would've died for her, but was too blinded by his newfound power to realize he was actually killing her. Kylo was making this deal for more power. What would happen to me, after all, Anakin was Kylo's grandfather. 

I stopped dead in my tracks, starting to think that this wasn't going to end how I thought it was. 

What if he chose power over me? Too blinded to see. Too hopeless. Too lost. Getting lost in the force is a dangerous game, and he was so deep in it I wasn't even sure he would recognize the feeling of light flowing through his dirtied veins. 

Luke, please, Master. I need you. I begged into the force, hoping for him to respond. I needed any help that I could get. Tears were now streaming down my face as I slumped against the window, my fingertips tracing the glass of the window.

Y/n, what's wrong. . . I heard smoothly through the force. Everything. I have to tell Kylo, tonight, when he gets back. I exclaimed, running another hand through my hair. Why now? He spoke. If it's not now, it's never. But I-I don't think I can do it. Remember what you said about Padme and Anakin? How he chose power over her? What if Kylo does the same? I spoke, more upset & hurt than ever. Even though I had only been on the New Supremacy for a few months, I could tell that Ben had changed.