Break Me (Phan)

Philip Lester
Sunday 25th October (continued...)

I groaned, resting my forehead into my palms as I shuddered over my conversation with Dan. Why? Why did I have to go and pry like that? Especially just after we seemed to be able to create some form of friendship. I'd fucked it up. I couldn't help but wonder, though, what type of life Dan led that got him to use himself before he found his soulmate. I pondered over it, concluding that he either sold himself as he said he was always desperate for money, or he acted out.

When he said he couldn't help but imagine a world without soulmates, my mind couldn't help but begin to think in the same way. If there were no perfect matches in the world, would it mean that people had to keep jumping from partner to partner until they found one they liked enough to settle with? How would they have any clue to settle down with someone they could potentially get along really well with, if after a handshake and a short introduction, they never spoke again? It was a bizare concept however, it also made me realise it wasn't all negatives. There wouldn't be the discrimination against non-Markers, nor would there be the pressure to never miss finding them. Maybe it would be an entire weight lifted off this universe's shoulders. Maybe love would be more genuine because individuals had to make it work, instead of being gifted with it. Would there be pressure around what gender people's partners were? That would be a strange one, but I would understand it if society relied on children. Having children is an issue for equal partners. Of course, there's the handful of kids who need adopting for whatever reason, but there's no where near enough, which of course is a good thing. Maybe surrogates would be much less popular, maybe not even exist at all? I sighed, letting my brain try to comprehend all of my thoughts.

I was then drifted on to thinking about what it would feel like for me to meet my soulmate. Would I meet them by touching them first, or know them before we connected? When would I meet them, would I spend my entire life waiting for them before it actually happened? What if my soulmate was currently a child and I met them that way?! It's happened to people before. Soulmates can be up to thirty years in difference, although the majority of ninety-five percent are within ten years. God, why did Dan get me to think about all this nonsense? He could've kept his mouth shut...but, then again, so could I. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting on the wall of my house becoming twisted in my own brain.

I chuckled to myself, Dan makes me think in a way nobody else has been able to before. It's special, really. He's special. I don't know much about him, but I know I've really only read the blurb of his entire story. He's got his secrets and I won't make him share them, and work through them, until he's ready. I don't know, just, something about him makes me want to wait for him.

I was hearing an argument down the street, but my mind was too full of noise to draw my full attention to it. I was burning up across my face as I thought about Dan's looks, especially his smile. I'd noticed he has a dimple on his right cheek that made his grin evermore adorable. I wondered what it would be like to poke it, would my finger be consumed by the facial detail? I laughed out loud, probably seeming insane to any passer-bys. You know what? I wonder what Dan's skin felt like at all, I was surprised I hadn't accidentally touched him within the last week at somepoint...

I began to hear ringing in my ears and I wasn't sure if it was from the noise not too far away or the blood beating around my veins. I scrunched my eyes, "It couldn't be...Dan wouldn't be...but he does make me...no..." my mind raced before I sighed a chuckle of relief, God, I'm so stupid thinking Dan could be my soulmate.

A loud cry out from the street made me peel myself off of the bricks and rush down the road, looking into the houses as I passed them, hoping I could find the cause for the desperate squeals. The next shout struck me across my lungs as it filled the neighborhood.

That was Dan.

I sprinted even faster, coming across the tattered build, overgrown and miserable, with its door wide open. I dashed in, hearing smashed glass being trod around inside. My entire body screamed with an ache as the surface of my skin tingled, begging me to dart forwards, so I did, throwing myself up the cobbled stairs and darting my figure between Dan and his dad.

"Get off of him!" I screeched as I flung my back into Dan, crushing him against the wall as his dad slashed a broken bottle an arm's reach away from himself. I felt an immediate sting across my neck and chin as the glass tore into my flesh and I toppled Dan over onto the floor. He lied under me, his arms beneath my back, wiggling to wrap around my waist. His dad was yelling incoherent nonsense at a loud volume, but he stepped close enough for me to slam my foot into his shin and send his head against the hallway wall. I heaved Dan upwards, using his hand around my body to anchor his weight and scuttle him away from the house. I perched my own arm under his shoulders once we made it to the garden steps, leading him down them and us onto the street.

"Phil?" he murmured, his own consciousness seemingly failing. I groaned, taking the majority of his body weight into my movements as I guided us up the road eight blocks to my home. I shot my head to face behind us, sighing a breath of relief as I realised nobody was storming up behind our stumbling frames.

I heaved Dan into my hallway, placing his body onto the floor as I shut the front door and collapsed myself beside him, both of us lying on our backs. We remained there for a while, neither of us having the strength to move a muscle, especially not while our heads raced to catch up with the situation.

I let my eyes flutter shut, the sound of Dan's uneven breath comforting me. We were both so at peace after the sudden onslaught events, therefore when his fingers brushed against my arm, I was surprised, "What the hell was that?" he whispered.

"I heard yelling, then I realised it was you...Dan...I couldn't leave you!" I squealed, turning on my side to face him. He gasped, sitting upright as he held his knuckles to my neck, "Oh fuck, Phil..." he began, tearing off of his tee to press against the spot in my skin that was burning, "This by far isn't the cleanest cloth I could be using, but..." I still wasn't fully aware why he was obsessing over my face, therefore I let my eyes divert themselves to his chest where it glowed a magnificent marble colouring. My jaw held itself open as my chest ached.

I gulped, "I thought you said you hadn't found your soulmate?" my eyes shamefully looking away from checking his body out. Dan scrunched his face up, contorting his lips as he applied more pressure to the area of skin I now realised to be leaking blood.

He stammered, shaking his head, "Phil, just relax...I haven't..." he admitted. He must have seen the way my eyes trailed around him, looking downwards at his Marking before losing all of the breath in his lungs, "Jesus Christ!" he yelled, dropping the cloth he was aiding me with and clawing at the pattern. He stabbed his eyes into mine, battling the hem of my shirt as he desperately yanked it away, "TAKE THE DAMN THING OFF AND TURN AROUND!" he commanded. I looked cautiously at him, doing so anyway. I couldn't see my own Marking, only catching the corner that normally stood as blackness, but instead I saw it shimmer. I listened intently to Dan's heavy breathing, falling in admiration for the way his lungs worked. I smiled, but he groaned, "Phil, you absolute ignorant dick. Use that brain of yours and pay a split second of attention to your Marking!"

I did, taking a second before gasping and gazing towards his face. He was grinning.

"Phil..." he spoke, running his hands along my back as he traced the pigment.

"Oh my God, Dan..." I spoke, finally making the connection. How my heart felt when I was near him made more than complete sense now. Because I was staring at the spots of skin where we'd first touched. In the desperation of the moment we hadn't had a chance to be aware of the change, but we were now here: on the floor of my home's hallway, sitting in each other's presence. I chuckled in every emotion from relief to overwhelming amounts of joy, because not only had I found my partner, but it was the miracle that was Dan himself. I gulped, my throat feeling sore from shock as I'd sighed it dry, "You're...Dan...?" I tried testing my speech.

"You're my soulmate..."

~