Break Me (Phan)

Philip Lester
Monday 26th October (continued...)

It was me who managed to drag our faces away from one another's to pull us back into our home. It all felt too sudden, too fantastical, but I decided to let us dance in this freedom before reality smothered us again. Something was going to go wrong and something had to happen to tangle this perfection we were holding, but for now, it wasn't there, so I wasn't going to let it destroy Dan nor me while we waited for it.

I shut the wooden door behind us, holding my arm around Dan's waist as we entered the living room. Mum turned around, furrowing her eyebrows at our entry. I gave a pitiful smile, shrugging a shoulder as I pulled Dan onto a sofa with me. Mum gave a small hum as she put her book down, turning her attention towards us, "What's brought you two back?"

"I was fired." Dan plainfully said, running his palm over his hair.

"Oh," Mum sighed, "Can I ask why?"

"I was very late. Twice. I was hired two weeks ago." my mum and I were silent as he groaned, "My father couldn't have just left it once I walked out the house, could he? How fucking long will it be for him to stop shitting on my life, even without him being here on a daily basis?!" he began to shout, so I placed a comforting hand on his forearm.

I looked up at him, trying to catch his eye, "It's only been one morning-"

"But it'll be more than that! Eleven years of being fucking tortured doesn't go under the rug...not after a day, not after a week, not after a year. It will never go away. I never had a fucking parent!" he stood up, his arms flailing by his sides as he began to pace, "What am I supposed to do?! Nobody will fucking hire me, I'm not fucking working towards anything. It's all bullshit!" his eyes were staring intensely into mine as his mind scrambled itself in desperation. I stood up, walking towards him, conscious of my mother only a few meters away from us. I pressed both of my hands on his shoulders and looked at him face-on. His lip trembled when he found my gaze, his eyes begging to be found.

I swallowed before being able to speak, my brain trusting my heart to talk, "You've survived eleven years. You're not giving up now, not when I've only just found you. I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't here five years ago. Give yourself time and you'll figure everything out, and I'll be here during every moment..."

"I want to believe you..." his voice cracked and I found water building up around his eyelids, "I really do."

"You don't have to believe me, not yet. Not until you're ready to trust me. For now you have a safe roof over your head and food on the table. So tell me, will that do?" I asked, my voice low and concerned. He gulped, his head beginning to nod before he broke into sobs. I gasped, moving my arms around his waist and pulling him into my embrace.

"Oh, Dan..." my mum spoke kindly, walking up to us and running a hand along his shoulder blades, "Is there anything I can do?" he didn't answer through his cries, instead burying his forehead into my shoulder to hide himself. I found myself sniffing my coconut shampoo in his hair, running my nose slightly along the scent.

He chuckled, pulling away, "Are you sniffing me?" he wiped his fist over his nose, letting out a small grin. My face painted itself red on the tips of my cheeks and he held a look in his eyes I became entranced in. I felt my body relax but my blood pound across me.

"I'm going to go shopping, boys. You used all the milk for pancakes and I was hoping to make toad in the hole tonight." Mum grinned, turning away from us as she walked into the hallway to pick up her bag.

"What shop are you going to?" I called out.

"Just the local one, how come?"

"Do you mind taking me and Dan across town later? I'm taking him shopping."

"I can do that! I don't have work today." she winked in the doorway as I mouthed a thank you towards her, and she left the house.

"You're still up for shopping?" I questioned Dan.

"Of course." he nodded, still lost in my complexion. I saw his gaze and a small groan escaped my lips. He raised his eyebrows before a smirk crept into the corner of his mouth and we pressed our lips against each other. The way our smiles connected and our kiss moved with elegance confirmed to me in my mind that I would never get tired of tasting him. He shot out a short gasp before quickly sliding his arms around my head to pull me closer, his tongue brushing against my upper lip as he breathed.

We held ourselves in the caress for a few more moments before I pulled away to catch my breath. I could hear Dan's broken gasps, convinced he needed the rest as well, although I wasn't sure he would have taken one. I held our noses together as he chuckled.

"What?" I giggled, infatuated by him.

"You're going to think I'm a right idiot," he mused, pulling his neck backwards to drown in my eyes, "I was-" he snickered again, "I was wondering if...people learn to hold their breath for longer...when, you know, like people learn to breathe more effectively for sport."

I chuckled at his insight, talking against the corner of his mouth, "We'll find out." I hummed, kissing the spot I spoke into. He turned us around slightly so he could guide me into the sofa, my arm pressing against the fabric to lower my weight safely. He pulled himself onto my lap, skillfully not removing our lips as he did so. He groaned, running his hands along my chest as he bruised our mouths.

I wrapped my arms around his back, pulling him closer into my body when he winced loudly. I gasped, "Shit! I'm so sorry, I forgot about-"

He chortled, lifting his chin up and smiled like I'd never seen joy before, "Don't worry. I think it was a perfectly good excuse to forget about the burn. Partially my fault, too."

"Exactly, shouldn't be so alluring." I murmured playfully. He winked, scooping his legs over my left side so he was cradled against my body instead of straddling me. His head rested in the crevice of my neck, my fingertips smoothly trifling with his hair. I listened to his lullaby of breathing, whispering aloud, "Dan?"

"Mm?" his head remained relaxed into me.

"I think I love you."

He shuffled away from me and I regretted my words, believing I'd stepped too far too soon. But, when I turned to him to apologise, he was lifting his t-shirt over his head and discarding it onto the floor beneath us. He threw his left leg back over me, sitting forwards on my lap as he grasped my hands and led them to his chest. He guided my fingers over his Marking, his eyes flickering shut as he softened under my touch.

His lips moved gently, "This pigment should give you nothing to 'think' about." he seductively uttered, "I always feared my Marking. I thought it would be a curse and would tie me down and imprison me. But being here, with you, I forget it exists. I don't even realise it's printed against me because I'm more aware of how you make my heart clench than I am about a pretty bruise against me." I took his arms and ran my fingers against the lines of Marking that existed either side. He buckled under the touch, his body sinking into mine as he curled back into me. He was honestly the most beautiful and gentle person I'd ever met, and I don't think I'd meet anyone like him again.

He chuckled, so I dropped his arms to our sides and sent him a puzzled glare, "What?" I nervously giggled.

"You saw me naked." he shrugged, smirking slightly.

"What? I know I did, when I helped you shower earlier!" I whined, "Why are you laughing?!"

"Surely seeing your soulmate naked for the first time should be a bit more romantic than dealing with his abuse." he muttered light-heartedly.

"I didn't look!" I squealed.

"Look at what?" he hummed, biting his lips between his teeth.

I sighed, "Daniel Howell, I didn't look at your dick. Happy now?"

"No." he whined, "You just ruined my fun."

"I'm sorry-!" I playfully mocked, "Guess I'll have to see you naked again if you really want it to be special."

"Smooth, Lester."

I wasn't sure how to respond, so I remained still and nibbling on my lower lip. He sighed frustratedly, "Kiss me."

"Okay." I hastily agreed.

~