Strings (1 of 2)

Dean watches me intently as I try to gather my thoughts. I planned what to say throughout the day but seeing him jumbled it all up.

"Sorry... it's a little awkward being back in here," I chuckle awkwardly.

I can see in his eyes that he is thinking about it as well. We spent a lot of time in my room here. I would sneak him in when my parents went to bed. It's a big house, so their bedroom is on the other side of the house and they wouldn't hear anything. That I know of, at least.

I clear my throat to get the images out of my head and focus.

"So, the reason I invited you over was to apologize for running out of the party last night." He nods slowly as he listens. "It was all so overwhelming having Matt's face everywhere and I didn't expect to see you."

The memory of our hands intertwined flashes in my head and I instinctively look down at his hands in his lap. I have an urge to feel them on mine again. His gaze follows mine and I quickly look back up as my cheeks flush.

"Did I do something?" Dean looks back into my eyes and I can see the guilt in his eyes. Guilt he doesn't deserve to carry.

Without thinking, I grab his hands and squeeze, pleading with him to understand with my eyes. "No. Dean, you didn't do anything. It was just me being overwhelmed and you know how I get at big parties. I was uncomfortable before you even walked up to me with Ava to say hi."

His eyes widen slightly when I mention Ava. I didn't really plan to bring her up but now that I did...

"She seemed nice." I try to sound as convincing as possible.

I don't mean it, though. She was not friendly and really did not seem genuine or kind enough to be with someone like Dean. Another part of me hates her just for being with him. But I have no right to feel any jealousy towards her, he isn't mine in any way now. Technically, he never has been.

He laughs and my heart swells at the sound. I missed this more than I want to admit to myself.

"You don't have to lie, Emily."

"Well... she wasn't awful." I laugh back. "How long have you been together?" I ask a bit more seriously.

I feel his hands tense under mine and his laughter fades.

"Uh... a few months." 

"Is it serious?" I pry more.

"Not really."

I stare at him for a moment. It would have been much easier if he said yes. But sitting on my bed so close, holding hands, is very confusing. 

Even though it has been years since I ended things, the spark didn't fade like I thought, or hoped, it did. Seeing him again yesterday made me realize that. We had a connection that went deeper than just sex. It was more than I've had with anyone else since. He knew me - all of me. And he was there for me during the worst times. And I for him.

He tugs on my hands softly, pulling me closer to him.

My breath hitches in my throat and my eyes look between his lips and his eyes. He looks so unsure of himself - or me - I can't tell which. The Dean I knew was never hesitant, he always knew what he wanted. I didn't see the vulnerable side of him often.

He leans forward just before my face and my lips part.

"Why did you stop answering me?" he says against my lips and I freeze, blinking at him. "I called. I texted. I came here to look for you but your parents said you moved."