Willow
I stocked the DVD shelves at the store I worked at while listening to my mp3 player, the store was dead anyways so I didn't bother leaving an earbud out. The Cure played through my earbuds, they were my favorite band at the time. A few weeks passed since Holly got to Wammy's and we became close friends pretty quick, and she made Matt really happy. She was his first girlfriend, definitely a lot better than his previous hookups.
They were together almost constantly, so it was just Mello and I hanging out most of the time. We didn't really mind, he was having fun doing his own thing, and so were we. Class was the same boring shit, and surprisingly Lynn never said anything. Not even a snarky remark, just the occasional glare which I gladly returned. I figured she was plotting something fucked, so I kept my guard up just in case.
Nothing too exciting was really going on, honestly I stayed in my room most of the time. I didn't feel like doing anything aside from laying in bed or sleeping, going to class felt like a chore and so did work but I needed the extra cash. Having money gave me some freedom, so I forced myself to go.
The store had all sorts of DVD's, a selection of video games, snacks, you name it. Movie posters were all over the creamy white walls, and a cardboard cutout of Neo from The Matrix was right by the door so it was the first thing you seen when you walked in. The carpet was a deep red, shelves were everywhere and everything was organized by genre and alphabetical order thanks to yours truly. Once I finished up with the shelves I took my break and stepped outside to smoke. It was around 6pm, and almost time to go back home.
Leaning against the brick building, I hit my cigarette and watched the cars pass by. A storm was about to start, and I had hoped my boss would let me leave early so I didn't have to walk in the pouring rain. The sun was setting, and the sky was a pretty pink. Dark clouds started to take over the beauty, and a sigh escaped from my mouth. Flipping my phone out, I checked to see if I had any texts. It was just a shitty Nokia phone, nothing fancy at all. Mello and I were texting back and fourth throughout the day, he was working at the coffee shop down the road, just as bored as I was.
Mello: I get off in a few, wait for me I got something for you.
Willow: I'm outside smoking, not off work yet though. Just come in, it's more dead than Kurt Cobain in here.
Mello: You're awful
I chuckle and put my phone away, finishing up my cigarette and heading back inside. My boss was watching the TV in the corner of the shop, sitting on a shitty stool waiting for someone to come in. This place got most traffic on the weekends, and not much during the week. I'd help people find whatever movies or video games they wanted to rent, they'd buy some candy, leave and enjoy their weekends with their families. So many families came in and a lot of the time, I'd picture myself with my parents doing the same thing. I day dreamed about having a normal life, but normality wasn't in the Jeevas family tradition. Shit sucks, but life goes on.
My bosses name was Ronnie, he was in his 20's and a pretty cool dude. He had shoulder length light brown hair and always wore circular glasses. He was a total nerd, and always burnt dvd's for me to take home. He gave me the job honestly I think out of pity, it started off with me buying the burnt dvd's and escalated to me working for him. He joked a lot with me, and honestly he was a kickass dude to work for.
Plus, he had killer weed.
"You can leave early kid, I know it's about to rain. Here," I walked up to him, and he handed me a few burnt dvd's that were kept in paper sleeves. My eyes lit up and I smiled, excited to go through them. Scary Movie 3 was on the front, which ended up becoming one of my favorite movies.
"Sick, thanks Ronnie."
"There's some good ones in there, treat 'em well. Your boyfriend coming to get you?" He winked, and I rolled my eyes at him. He always joked about that, but half the time I just ignored him.
"He's not my boyfriend," I sigh, and as I said that the bell above the door jingled and Mello walked in. "I'll see you tomorrow, thank you again." I said with a smile, and walked towards Mels.
He had two coffees with him, and a small smile on his face. He handed it to me, and we walked outside together. He was wearing a black jacket with his usual black jeans, and he had a necklace with a crescent moon on it. He was getting more into styling his clothes, usually he'd just ask me for help since I was good at it.
"Figured I'd make you a coffee for a change, there's a lot of caramel in it." His lips curved slightly and I took a sip, it was still hot.
"You're the best, thank you."
We continued to walk, and of course it started raining. It started slow, so Mello and I tried to book it home. Within seconds, the rain came crashing down hard and covered us head to toe, the sky became dark and gray, and the streetlights looked blurred. The cotton candy sky was gone, and darkness took over. Our feet splashed in the puddles, and my wet bangs were clinging to my face like a goddamn leech.
"Pick up the pace," Mello looked back at me as I ran behind him, trying to catch my damn breath. We ran past the long strip of stores, trying desperately to hurry the fuck up and get home. Thunder cracked loudly, which made me jump a little bit. We were still a few minutes away from home, and the rain was only getting worse. The water splashed the cuffs of my jeans, and my shoes were getting squishy. Man, this shit sucks.
"Hey, wait up asshole!" I yelled at Mello, then he stopped under some restaurants carport to wait for me and get a break from the rain. His blonde hair was soaked, and his hood wasn't helping much at all. Cars drove past, their headlights and the streetlights reflected off of the wet asphalt. A car splashed water towards us, and I let out a loud groan as I looked down at myself, completely fucking drenched.
Mello looked down at me and laughed, to which I replied with a glare.
"You're soaked, dude. Your makeup is messy." He smirked, then pressed his hands to my cheeks and wiped the bottoms of my eyes to remove the supposed water proof mascara I put on. Clearly, it wasn't fucking waterproof.
"Gee, I couldn't tell. You're wet too, dummy." I spoke with a hint of sarcasm, and felt my cheeks warm up while his hands were on my face. His blue eyes looked down at me for a minute, and my green eyes looked right back at him. The sound of rain echoed around us, getting heavier, and my stomach felt like it was doing a kick flip. He looked at me softly, something he was doing a lot more at the time.
"There you go," He said and he grabbed my hand. His thumb caressed it as he intertwined his fingers with mine, and he looked down at me with his lips slightly curved. My cheeks felt hot, and the feeling in the pit of my stomach was getting more intense. Now's not the time to panic, idiot.
"Ready to run?"
"No, but you're gonna drag me anyway-"
Mello held onto my hand tightly as he started booking it, leading the way back to Wammy's. I followed behind the best I could, we ran through a puddle and we both laughed, the water splashing us as we passed through.
"I'm starting to hate the rain," I blurted, holding his hand a little tighter as the thunder cracked once more. We ran and laughed a lot, he jumped in a puddle on purpose to piss me off. I called him a jackass and I did it back to him, laughing.
"Quit it, you dick!" He laughed, looking back at me with his hair stuck to his cheeks. Beads of water trickled down both of our faces, and finally we reached the orphanage.
We ran up the narrow path, still hand in hand and jumping into puddles more. We were both smiling like idiots and laughing, not a care in the world. I wasn't focusing on the trauma storms gave me, but the fun I was having with him. He led me to the back door closest to our rooms, and I let out a sigh of relief when we finally walked inside. It was fucking freezing, it seemed like nobody ever turned the goddamn heat up in that place. We were dripping wet, tracking water and mud all over the damn floors. Somehow, our coffees survived the downpour and kept my one hand warm.
"I'm freezing." I shivered, and he let my hand go as we walked back to our rooms. "If we get sick I swear to god I'm gonna lose my mind." I took a sip of the coffee he made me, it warmed me up slightly.
"Relax, crybaby. You'll live."
"I'll parish."
"You're a drama queen, you know that?" He chuckles, looking at me again with the same look he had been giving me for weeks. His eyes just looked softer, and a slight smile was on his face. I thought he just liked picking on me, so I just assumed it was that. But he was a little more touchy, and he was doing more acts of kindness. It made me happy, but I still wasn't used to it. What if he's plotting something? Paranoia tried to take over, as usual.
Maybe it was because we were spending more time together since Matt was up Holly's ass, or maybe he just wanted to be nicer. Maybe Mello felt bad for me, maybe he took pity on the way I had been feeling over the last few weeks. I was fucking clueless, but it was making me feel not so sad or alone. The sadness still lingered, and some days it was unbearable. But he always tried to cheer me up, and he was a pretty damn good at it. A lot of the time, my feelings were gray like the sky and devoid of happiness. But during that moment, even just being silly with him, every second of that made me happy. He was a ray of sunshine to me on that dark, shitty day.
"Nuh-uh," I replied, crossing my arms desperate for warmth. The coffee only did so much. We get to our rooms, and stand outside our doors for a minute.
"If Holly is in there I'm staying in your room, if I have to hear them make out again I will off myself." He stated, not even asking if he could.
"I don't get why they don't just go in her room, she doesn't have a roommate does she?" I whispered, just in case.
"She does now. I'm surprised they didn't put her in your room, honestly."
"Me too, but I'm not complaining I like having my own room. Anyways, I'm going to take a shower I'm cold. Come on in if she's in there, I don't care."
"Yeah me too," He cracked open his door, and immediately rolled his eyes. I heard Holly giggling from inside, and I chuckled. Of course.
"I'll see you in a bit." Was all he said before going into their room, and I went into mine.
After closing the door, I quickly grabbed some comfortable clothes out of my dresser and ran into the bathroom. I turned the water on, threw my wet clothes in my hamper and rushed in to get under the hot water. The hot water warmed me up quickly, and steam filled the room from the scorching temperature I had the water on. I sighed happily, closing my eyes and just letting myself warm up.
I couldn't stop thinking about what happened in the rain, I smiled to myself thinking about how we laughed and how safe he made me feel. He just grabbed my hand to lead me back, but it made me feel okay. He wiped my face when he didn't have to, and we jumped into puddles like little kids and enjoyed it. My heart fluttered a bit, but the feeling was enjoyable.
Mello wasn't really the type to do those things, and that's why it surprised me so much. But I liked it a lot, and I wanted it to continue. My brain convinced me it was just out of pity, or maybe he thought he had to because Matt asked him to look out for me like some helpless idiot. In retrospect, I was helpless. I couldn't do shit on my own, and it seemed like things were never okay when I was alone.
I'm just a burden, a lot cause.
Everything was somehow a fucking trigger into my past, it could've been a song, a phrase, or a goddamn storm. Somehow, it turned into a downward spiral and suddenly, I'm seven years old again and being dragged away by one of my dad's friends. Out of all my bad memories, that one stuck like leeches on an open wound.
But Mello made a trigger safe, the way he touched my face and held my hand made me feel safer than I had ever felt in a long time, and honestly I didn't want to let go.
After getting out of the shower, I threw on my black sweat pants and my oversized Type O Negative shirt. Sprayed myself with perfume, put on lotion, brushed my hair and washed my face. Smelling good made me feel good, so I tried to put in a little more effort towards some extra self care. My perfume was just a cheap strawberry scent, with lotion to match.
I wonder if he's in my room or still in his. I hope he came back.
Exiting my bathroom, I peered around my bedroom and there was no sign of Mello, which honestly..made me a little sad.
I left my room and walked next door to theirs, knocking before walking in. Mello was on the bed writing, and Matt was playing games. I plopped down on the floor next to my brother, taking the controller out of his hands to attempt to beat the damn level on Crash Bandicoot he had been stuck on.
"Where's Holly?" I asked, hitting x on the controller to jump over the dumbass turtle.
"She went to see L," Matt replied nonchalantly, and immediately I paused the game and looked at him.
"Why? And when the hell did he get back?" I curiously asked, excited to see L again. We grew pretty close, and I enjoyed seeing him a lot. Other kids were jealous of the relationship we had with him, but we just ignored their jealousy.
"He wanted to talk to her, not sure why though. I guess he got back last night, I only just seen him earlier for like two seconds."
"Where'd they go? I wanna go say hi." I pouted, jealous that he wanted to see Holly instead of us. Nobody was sure why he wanted to talk to her, they never even met before that night. It was really odd, and definitely out of character for him. Maybe Holly was some child prodigy that would beat all of us and succeed him, so he was curious about her. Not a fucking clue, she was a mystery.
L was honestly a shut in for awhile, he never really wondered around Wammy's, unless it was late and nobody else was out. He had his own area of the orphanage to himself when he was back, nobody was allowed near there though.
The kids would bombard him when he came out, gathering around to ask him all sorts of questions. Almost like a goddamn paparazzi, and he hated every single second of it. Of course he was nice about it, but you could tell he wanted nothing more than to disappear. He liked his select few people, and I was happy to be one of them. At least, I think so. He grew close with Mello, Near and Matt because they were runners up, but I wasn't up there at all. Yet for some reason, he took a chance on me and we became close.
"I don't know, said they'd be back at some point though."
"Meh, we'll see." Was all I replied before unpausing the game and continuing on. One thing about me, I will always be better at Crash Bandicoot than Matt. He denied it, but I was the one who beat the level for him.
Matt ended up packing a bowl to smoke, and the three of us gathered around the cracked window to blaze a little while we waited for Holly, and possibly L if he decided to say hi. Mello put his pen and notebook down and joined us on the bed by the window, I sat against the wall and waited for Matt.
Having a girl friend really was a blast, we bonded a lot and honestly were alike in a lot of ways, but still different. I seen why Matt liked her so much, and a lot of the other boys at Wammy's hit on her too. Those two made it official pretty quick, and they were going strong. Only downside was we seen less of Matt, but he was happier than I had ever seen him before.
I tried to not rely on him as much, when I was having a hard time I'd just try to deal with it alone. I just wanted him to be happy without having to worry about me, so I just lied and said everything was fine. Fake a smile, laugh a little, and everyone thinks you're right as rain. Break down in private, do shit I'd soon regret, drink, smoke and try to forget whatever the fuck was wrong with me that day. Then repeat.
Therapy did help, but I couldn't exactly be fully honest with Del unless I wanted to end up in a fucking padded room, fed sedatives and forced to attend group therapies with a bunch of mentally disturbed folks. A psych ward is the last place I wanted to end up, from what my old friend told me it's fucking awful. I missed him.
Matt lit the bowl and inhaled deeply, then blew the smoke out of the slightly cracked window. I hit it next, and then Mello. The rain was still coming down, lightning shined through the window and the sound of rain hitting the glass was somewhat soothing for once. Slowly feeling more intoxicated with each hit, I leaned back against the wall while talking with the boys.
"Holly's staying in here tonight," Matt started, lighting a cigarette. We kept a towel under the crack of the door to keep the smell in, surprisingly worked well. Incense and candles did the trick too, never once failed us. "Do you care?"
"I mean she's always spending the night in here. I don't really wanna hear you two going at it all night." Mello grew annoyed, and for a valid reason.
"Gross." I added, shaking my head in disgust.
"It's not gross, we're in love."
"I'm happy for you, but still..gross. At least wait until you're alone, not with poor Mels in the room."
"Church," Mello added, raising the bowl up to hit it again. "I'd like to sleep peacefully without falling asleep to the sound of you two shoving your tongues down each others' throats." The thought of that made me want to exorcist puke all over them.
"I'm going to vomit." I fake gagged, exaggerating my disgust. Matt rolled his eyes and ashed his cigarette in a soda can, and then hit it again.
They bickered back and forth about it, I could tell Mello was honestly annoyed with her being in there constantly. One thing I picked up on with Mello was he never went out of his way to talk to Holly, he never said he didn't like her but that was the vibe I was getting from it. I asked him about it, and he just said "Something is weird with her, I don't know what it is." 'Course he never told Matt, that'd crush him. Me personally, the only thing weird with her was deciding to date my brother.
"Dude, no. Go literally anywhere else. Sleep outside, I don't give a shit." Mello exclaimed at Matt, the two of them still arguing over Holly staying in their room. He crossed his arms and furrowed an eyebrow, getting more pissed the longer the conversation continued.
"If you two could stop your bitching that'd be fuckin-" I gritted through my teeth, getting extremely irritated with the two of them fighting. Thankfully, they were interrupted with a knock on the door, followed by someone clearing their throat outside. Like clock work, we all immediately started fanning the smoke out of the room, and I lit a candle and an incense just to cover the smell of weed.
Even if it was Holly, better to be safe than sorry. Matt kicked the towel out from under the door, and Mello and I assumed the we're doing nothing illegal position: I'm sitting in front of the bed on the floor playing video games, and Mello is laying on his stomach on the bed watching me play.
I unpaused the game, continuing on like I wasn't stoned out of my mind. Focusing on a game when you're high makes you feel like you're hyper aware, so I was cookin'.
Matt opened the door, and I peered over to see who it was & my spidey senses were right, it was L. He stood in the doorway with no shoes, hunched over slightly, messy hair, and bags under his eyes that made him look like a damn panda. White long sleeved shirt and baggy blue jeans covered his body, and he kept his hands in his pockets.
Immediately a smile formed on my face, and he walked in and looked at us with a shit eating grin. He looked like he was about to laugh, but he bit his bottom lip before he started to speak.
"You guys really need to cover the smell up better," L started, monotone as usual. "Incense and candles..couldn't have made it anymore obvious huh?" He smirked slightly, and the blood rushed from all of our faces. We all gave each other wide, glossy red eyes in a yeah, we're fucked way.
"Awww, welcome back we missed you too!" My body jumped up ignoring the slight panic, and I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. He smelled like sage, and it was comforting.
"I don't think I'll ever get used to that." He said softly & hugged me back, patting my head. We all sat down to talk, he mentioned a case he was working on. Nothing huge, it was quite small compared to other cases he had worked on in the past. He was curious about what we were up to, how school was going and such.
We rambled just about damn near everything, told him about Lynn being a bitch, how much we hated school, and new movies we were watching. He always made it a point to seem interested in our lives, and always asked us questions. He never snitched about the weed, and in his words "I am many things, but a snitch isn't one of them." And that made me trust him much more than I already did. He told us to be careful and don't be idiots, but it was too late for that.
"What'd you want with Holly, by the way?" Matt asked L.
"Oh, it's nothing. Just wanted to introduce myself." What he was saying wasn't adding up, because he didn't just introduce himself to anyone. A confused look popped up on our faces, and we all looked at each other knowing he was full of shit. If he was lying, it was for a good reason so we didn't pry more, and ended up dropping it.
Holly never came back that night, she told us she just ended up going to bed because she was exhausted. The four of us talked for a few hours, L just letting us ramble and him taking in everything we were saying. We laughed, talked about memories and some crazy stories L shared with us. Mello and I kept making eye contact, he spaced out at one point and just looked at me for awhile. Ignoring it, I kept talking and smiling with them.
Once midnight hit, we all decided to call it a night. Mello and I were tired from working all day and L was jet lagged. The day started off pretty shitty honestly, a boring day at work. But it got better, and ended on an even greater note. Part of me really wanted to tell Mello that what he did helped me a lot and made me happy, but I was too scared.
Instead, I kept that feeling to myself and I fell asleep thinking about it again. Something so small had such an impact on me, and I'd hold onto that feeling for as long as I could.