Content Warning: This chapter is R-18 and may not be suitable for some readers. Please read with care.
Kasalukuyan akong nakasabak sa umaatikabong bakbakan salungat sa nag-iisang hari ng aking puso, isipan at buong pagkatao. Mula pa kanina, siya'y walang tigil sa pag-angkin hindi lang sa aking mga labi kundi pati na rin sa kabuuan ng aking bibig. Batid na batid ko ang nag-uumapaw niyang pananabik at pagnanasa dala ng kay tagal na paghihintay. At ang lahat ng ito'y dulot ng aking kapusukan — Wala akong nagawa kundi harapin ang bunga nito.
Sipsip. Higop. Supsop — Tanging ang mga tunog nito ang maririnig. At sa bawat paghigop ng aking kasintahan, ako'y tila ba'y mauubusan ng hininga. Hindi ko mawari kung pa'no niya nagagawang magpatuloy nang hindi man lang humahangos. Isang patunay lang na isa siyang bihasa sa larangan ng pakikipaghalikan.
"M-Miah... Can you take it slow? I'm running out of breath..." Hingal na hingal kong pakiusap nang marahan kong naitulak palayo ang lalaking kanina pa umaangkin sa aking mga labi.
"Just breathe through your nose." Malalim din ang kanyang paghinga dulot ng maaksiyong kaganapan sa pagitan naming dalawa.
Walang-wala sa katinuan, napatango na lang ako sa kanyang tinuran. Hindi naman siya nag-aksaya ng kahit isang segundo at muli na namang siniil ang aking mga labi ng isang nag-aalab na halik.
Ang buong akala ko'y sukdulan na 'yung kanina — May mas ilalala pa pala. Mas lalo siyang naging agresibo ngayon na tila ba'y wala nang kinabukasan. Batid kong may gusto siyang subukang iba sa pagkakataong ito. Unti-unti kong nararamdaman ang isang banyagang bagay ang nagtatangkang pumasok sa aking bibig. Dala ng takot, hindi ko naiwasang itikom ang aking mga labi.
Kaya naman, napatigil siya at bahagyang umatras upang tumingin sa aking mga mata. "Mielie... Open your mouth — Let me in."
"S-Sorry... I got scared." Nahihiya kong paumanhin.
"Don't be. It's a new experience for you — So it's okay to be scared... But don't you worry, I got you. Alright?" Taliwas sa marubrob niyang kilos kanina, ngumiti siya nang ubod ng tamis. At gaya ng dati, ito lang ang kinailangan upang ang aking kalooban ay muling napanatag.
"Okay... Thank you, Miah." Sinuklian ko naman siya ng isang napakagiliw na pagngiti.
"You're welcome... May I?"
"Ye—" Hindi na niya ako pinatapos pa at muling sinunggaban ang aking mga labi. Ano pa bang aasahan ko? Ako naman ang nagbigay ng pahintulot sa kanya in the first place. Hayyyyy. Now, I wasn't sure if I made the right decision. But who knows? Siguro naninibago lang ako ngayon.
And as he told me, I left my mouth open this time. Because of that, he was free to continue what he wanted to do earlier. Naramdaman ko na lang ang unti-unting pagpasok ng kanyang dila sa aking bibig. Tinamaan na naman ako ng kaunting kaba kaya pinilit kong kumalma.
Then, I felt his tongue tracing my lips. He was taking his time as if he wanted me to feel the sensation on every nerve of my lips — to which I did. It was intoxicating. I was slowly losing my mind again. He followed through the insides. He pressed his body hard to mine as he was exploring more of my mouth. Likewise, he went slowly, that it seemed like he was memorizing every bit of it through his tongue.
Ito lang ang masasabi ko — Napakahusay ni Miah... Hindi ko mawari kung saan niya natutunan ang lahat ng ito. Pero ang galing talaga eh. Wala akong masabing masama sa performance niya, kahit na ba wala akong pagkukumparahan. Kasi naman! Para akong mauulol sa ginagawa niya ngayon. And take note, wala 'di ba akong experience at all. Kaya windang kung windang. OMG. Bukod sa pagiging panget, ano pa bang hindi kayang gawin ng lalaking 'to? Napaka-unfair kasi eh! Aggggghhhhhhh!
Sunod naman niyang pinuntirya ang aking dila. Pinaikutan niya ito gamit ang kanyang dila na paminsan-minsa'y sinasabayan niya ng paghigop. Animo'y mayroong alimpuyong pumapalibot dito. Mas lalo tuloy akong nawawala sa ulirat buhat ng walang tigil niyang paggalugad sa kaloob-looban ng aking bibig mula pa kanina. Marahil ito ang dahilan kung bakit bigla na lang akong nagkaroon ng lakas na loob na lumaban. Dahan-dahan kong iginilaw ang aking dila at sinabayan ang kasalukuyan niyang ginagawa. Batid ko namang bahagya niya itong ikinagulat dahil saglit siyang natigilan. Matapos nun, namalayan ko na lang ang paglahok ko sa isang makamundong laro, dila laban sa dila... Marahan. Bibilis. Muling dadahan. At muli ring bibilis — Animo'y may sinusunod kaming ritmo na kaming dalawa lang ang nakakaalam. Wala akong ideya kung pa'no ko siya nagagawang sabayan. Ang alam ko lang, gusto ko ring iparanas at ipatikim sa kanya ang kakaibang sensasyong kanina ko pa nalalasap dahil sa kanya.
"You're getting good at this, Mielie — I'm impressed." Catching his breath, he complimented me as he gently let go of what we were doing. But wait! I did well? OMG AHHHHHH! Thank goodness! I was worried I wasn't satisfying him...
"Y-You're a good teacher..." I shyly told him as I didn't expect such praise from him.
"Well, you're a quick learner... Let's see if you can keep up."
Binigyan niya ako ng mapaghamong ngisi. Ngunit bago pa man ako kabahan, muli na naman niyang inangkin ang aking mga labi. Mapusok — perpektong salita upang ilarawan ang kanyang kinikilos. Siguro ito'y dahil nagagawa ko na siyang sabayan kahit papa'no. Hindi ko na ito ikinigulat pa, bilang alam na alam kong ayaw niyang nagpapatalo sa kahit anumang pagkakataon.
Now I understood what he meant when he said he loves surprises — He'd always have something up his sleeves. Totally out of my mind, I was taken aback when I unexpectedly felt him softly biting my tongue. So, I inherently pulled away to my surprise.
"Awww!" Daing ko nang bumangga ang aking likod sa pader dulot ng biglaan kong pag-atras. Muli ko tuloy naalalang may mga pasa nga pala ako.
"Are you okay?" Buong pag-aalalang tanong nung lalaking dahilan din ng aking pagkabigla.
"Y-Yes, I'm okay. Ikaw kasi eh, ginulat mo na naman ako."
"S-Sorry... Come here you." aniya at minsan pang binuhat ako nang walang kahirap-hirap.
He walked back to the living area and settled on one of the chair sofas. Because of that, I had no room but to sit on his lap. Yes, on top of him! Unsurprisingly, I felt super conscious of our current 'situation'.
"M-Miah, is this okay?" Puno ng pagkailang kong tanong sa kanya.
"Yeah, this is perfect. Much easier for us to make out. Why?" Kaswal naman siyang sumagot ni walang bahid ng kahit anong pagkabalisa.
"I-I feel a bit uneasy..."
"Oh, sorry. Just wanted to get close to you — Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Let's settle somewhere else." Aktong tatayo na sana siya ngunit agad ko siyang pinigilan. I slightly felt bad knowing na siya lagi 'yung nag-aadjust para sa akin. And I found it a bit unfair.
"No need. We can stay here. I'll get used to this after a while..."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, don't worry about it." I gave him a reassuring smile.
"Alright. Thank you, Mielie..."
And before we knew it, we were at each other's gaze yet again. Although this time, our eyes were overflowing with passion and desire. Even without words, we deeply connected through our yearning hearts.
Mindlessly, I went to him first. I gave in to one of my innermost desires, and that would be to have him all to myself. I'd been repressing it for the longest time because I was convinced that I do not deserve him. For once, I wanted to bury that afterthought. And like someone who's been deprived of eros for so long; I indulged myself with my boyfriend's sensuous rosy lips as I once again claimed them as my own. Started off with some soft kisses, then slowly intensified to deeper and more passionate ones. I wanted him to somehow experience those gratifying pleasure and sensations I had earlier. I think he knew what I wanted to do, so he let me be. Well, at least for a while. Because eventually, I felt his hands all over my waist as he pulled me hard closer to him. As expected, he didn't let me "win". Next thing I remembered, I was totally devoured by his burning passion and desire. And here I thought what I had earlier was already his "best" — only to find out I was totally mistaken.
I was fully consumed by immense pleasure as we were dancing tongue to tongue. Nang bigla akong natigilan because I felt something hard poking in between my butt cheeks — agad ko rin namang napagtanto kung ano 'yun. Nakakailang lang kasi saktong-sakto siya kung saan siya nararapat AY BASTOS! OMG! I mean sakto siya dun sa area na 'yon. Amp*ta! Paanong kakalma? First time ko kayang makaramdam nang ganon dun!
"M-Miah, wait..." I was gasping for air after I gently pushed him away.
"Mielie, told you to breathe through your nose." Halata sa kanya ang pagkabitin dala ng biglaan kong pagtigil sa aming ginagawa habang siya'y humahangos.
"It's not that... It's just... I'm not ready to have s*x with you yet..." Mahiya-hiya kong paliwanag sa kanya, kaya napaiwas din ako ng tingin.
"I'm not trying to. I just want to eat out your mouth right now."
"B-But... T-There's something poking my ass."
"Oh that. Sorry. You woke my buddy up because you were so great."
Natigilan ako saglit dahil sa sinabi niya. "I-Is it okay though, for us to continue? I mean—"
"Yes, don't worry. Nothing I can do about that. It'll calm down, eventually."
Sa huli, nagpatuloy kami sa intense makeout session namin. At kahit kanina pa kami lulong sa kamunduhang ginagawa namin, wala pa ring kupas ang kanyang performance. Ang ending ako pa ngayon 'yung parang gusto nang sumuko. Like what is he? Make out god or something? Hindi ba siya napapagod sa ginagawa niya? O sadyang sanay na sanay lang siya kaya hindi na niya kailangang huminga at tumigil kahit panandalian lang. Like seriously, he was like a voracious animal starving for my lips. But I couldn't stop him because I was drowned by indulgence. If that wasn't enough, I could feel 'his buddy' poking me harder and harder from behind as we went along.
We were both wearing home clothes. Kaya naman damang-dama kong mas lalong nagigising ang nasa pagitan ng kanyang mga hita. Sa hindi malamang dahilan, ito'y nagbigay sa akin ng panibagong pakiramdam kaya tuluyan akong nadala sa matinding pagnanasa. Nabalot ang buo kong katawan ng kakaibang init at namalayan ko na lang nilamon na ako ng kalibugan. Juskopo! Mali 'to — Kailangan ko nang tumigil.
"M-Miah... We need to stop now." Pakiusap ko, nangangapos man ang hininga.
"Why? What's wrong?" Gaya ng inaasahan, bakas sa mukha niya ang labis na pagtataka.
"Before I lose control... I-I..." Dahil sa sobrang hiya, hindi ko nagawang sabihin sa kanya kung bakit.
"Is it because..." Batid kong pag-aalinlangan niya nang lumunok siya bago muling nagsalita. "I-Is it because you got hard?"
Utterly embarrassed, I buried my face in his neck — It felt like I was gonna die of shame. Inexpect ko nang naramdaman niya bilang magkadikit lang ang katawan namin. I just hoped that wasn't the case because he didn't react.
"Mielie, look at me..." He got hold of my shoulders and carefully lifted me up from his body. Same as always, he gave me an endearing smile when we locked eyes. "It's okay, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm actually relieved. For a while, was getting worried I wasn't doing a great job — That's why you're not getting into it."
"B-But I told you I wasn't ready to have—"
"I know I know... That's why we're taking things slow. I also don't want to overwhelm you. Alright?" As if he could read my mind, he knew exactly what to say to reassure me. Not ready to talk yet, I gave him a nod to my response.
"Good boy..." He gently patted my head. "Now, why don't I help you release?"
"W-What? I-I thought we're not gonna do it?" I asked because I was a bit confused.
"Yes, we're not. There are more ways we can try other than that... I just want to take responsibility because it's my fault you got hard."
"I-I'm a bit scared... I've never done anything like this before."
"There there — I got you. You're safe with me." He kissed me on my forehead before looking into my eyes fondly. "Do you trust me?"
"I-I trust you..."
"Thank you, Mielie. Just leave it to me."
After that, everything was a blur. I dunno if it's because I was nervous of the unfamiliar experience, or because Miah was just so good with everything he's doing to pleasure me — or maybe even both.
"Miahhh..." ungol ko sa pangalan niya dahil lulong na lulong na ako sa kakaibang sarap at kaligayahang tinatamasa. Miski ako'y naninibago sa aking naging reaksyon bilang kanina lang ay todo pa ako sa pagpipigil. Hindi kasi siya nakuntento sa aking mga labi, kasalukuyan niya ngayong pinapapak ang palibot ng aking leeg mas higit kung pa'no niya trinato kanina ang kabuuan ng aking bibig. Idagdag mo pa ang kanyang marahang indayog sa aking ilalim dahilan para mas lalong dumiin ang matigas na bagay na kanina pa sumusundot sa pagitan ng aking mga pigi. Hindi ko mawari kung sinasadya niya ba itong gawin o nadadala lang siya — Basta ang alam ko lang nagustuhan ko ang pakiramdam nito, sa puntong hindi ko napigilang mapaliyad. Marahil ang lahat ng ito ang dahilan kaya tuluyan na nga akong nawala sa sarili. Ilang saglit pa, narating ko rin ang ikapitong langit sa tulong ng aking kasintahan.
Once again, I buried my face in Miah's neck as I was breathing heavily. Then, post-nut clarity hit. Actually, it hit the hardest this time. I got super stressed out that I ended up crying.
"Mielie, are you crying? What's wrong?" Iaangat niya sana ako pero pinigilan ko siya. I just turned my head to the right so he could hear me talk.
"Let me stay for a bit. I'm too ashamed to look at you."
"Okay, take your time... But can you tell me why?"
"Just disgusted with myself... Told you I wasn't ready to do it with you. And yet, I was the first one to get off like that. So hypocritical..."
"Mielie... I think you're being too harsh on yourself." Naramdaman kong ang banayad niyang paghagod sa aking likuran.
"Am I? It's true though. I immediately stopped you without knowing your intentions earlier, acting all self-righteous."
"Can I see you now?"
May alinlangan man, marahan kong inangat ang sarili mula sa kanya para pagbigyan ang kanyang pakiusap. At tulad ng nakagawian, siya'y ngumiti nang ubod ng giliw nang magtama ang aming mga paningin.
"I don't think you're being self-righteous about it. You were just afraid. And it's understandable since everything is a new experience for you... That's why, I really wanted to take things slow for us. We won't do it until you're ready — You have my word, Mielie."
"S-Sorry for being like this, Miah. I'm really sorry." Feeling guilty, I got teary-eyed once again.
Yet again, he softly got hold of my cheeks and wiped my tears off. "Don't be. Got nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong. Just got one request though, can you hear me out?"
"O-Of course, tell me."
"I figured that there are many things that cause both of us regrets, may it be the past, present or in the future... But as much as possible, I don't want us, the two of us together, to be part of that... What I'm really trying to say is, let's try to avoid feeling sorry for one another. Because, what we have is something I'm truly thankful for. You, I'm grateful to have you in my life. So, instead of being sorry, let's thank each other more often. Can we do that from now on, please?" He raised his eyebrows as he was warmly smiling at me, waiting for my answer. This man. Is he even real? I find it hard to believe that he's my boyfriend. Feels like I hit the lotto or something.
"Yes, you can count on me. So thank you, Miah — For being understanding of me and always putting me first. I really appreciate it." I gave him the most endearing smile I could give.
"Good boy. And you're most welcome, Mielie. It's always a pleasure." Then he planted a kiss on my forehead. "Just have another request though..."
"Hmmmm?"
"Can we get up now? Need to take care of my bud already. Starting to hurt." He smiled awkwardly.
Right. He's still hard. So insensitive of me! Dahil dun, maingat akong tumayo mula sa kandungan niya. Medyo hindi ko inexpect 'yung mabilisan niyang pagkuha ng throw pillow para takpan 'yung harapan niya. I guess hindi lang pala ako ang nahihiya sa aming dalawa.
"M-Maybe we can wash up first? Separately, of course. See you in a bit?" I could sense uneasiness from him.
"How about yours? Can I help you too?"
"No need! I can take care of it myself!" Mabilisan niyang pagtutol na bahagya kong ikinagulat.
"But I wanna return the favor."
"Mielie... Everything I do — I do it out of love. So you don't need to give back anything..." OMG. Akala ko hindi na ko kakabahan 'pag nagsabi siya ng "love" pero iba pa rin ang dating sa akin. Kalma!!!
Lumapit ako sa kanya at humalik ako sa kanyang mga labi. "Thank you, Miah... Then I'd like to help you too. Not as a favor — Just for you. Please?"
Saglit siyang natigilan sa sinserong pakiusap ko. Bumuntong hininga muna siya bago sumagot. "A-Alright, I think I know what you can do to help."
I found myself on the floor, kneeling, just in front where my boyfriend was currently sitting. I was holding his right hand. I realized how big it was compared to mine — he could even get a hold of my whole face using only one hand. Whoah. Then I focused on his index finger to fulfill his today's 'special' request which would be, to suck it like I meant it. It's quite long, it was actually longer than over half my face, vertically. Holy sh*t! I got distracted. I looked at him before I started — I couldn't tell what he was feeling right now. Probably because I hadn't seen that expression before. But it was like he's anticipating what was about to happen. So, I needed to do a great job.
Huminga muna ako nang malalim. This is it, the moment of truth! At sinimulan kong dilaan ang kanyang kanang hintuturo. Balak ko kasi munang tuluyang basain ito ng laway para mas madali kong masipsip mamaya. Pinasadahan ko ng aking dila ang bawat sulok at parte nito at siniguradong basang-basa ito ng laway. Medyo natagalan lang ako dahil may kahabaan nga siya. Then done! Saglit kong inalala 'yung mga teknik na natutunan ko sa momol session namin kanina. OMG! First momol pala namin 'yun tapos intense kagad. Grabe kasi 'tong si Miah! Hindi marunong magpigil...
Anyway, back to the mission. Ganap ko nang naisubo ang kanyang daliri sa aking bibig. Sipsip. Higop. Supsop. Sa muling pagkakataon, tanging ang mga tunong nito ang maririnig. Ginaya ko lahat ng ginawa niya sa aking mga labi. Banayad. Masidhi. Mabagal. Mabilis. At sinigurong hindi sasayad ang aking mga ngipin, baka kasi masugatan ko siya. Hindi ko rin pinalagpas na paglaruan ito gamit ang aking dila habang nakasubo sa aking bibig. Pinaikutan ko ito gaya ng pag-ikot ng aming mga dila kanina. Iniluwa ko ito saglit at inipit nang pahalang sa pagitan ng aking mga labi. Gamit ang aking dila, pinasadahan ko ito ng laway nang pabalik-balik mula sa kanan papuntang kaliwa. Nang magsawa, tinuon ko naman ang atensiyon sa dulo ng kanyang hintuturo. Ipinahid ko ito sa bawat sulok ng aking mga labi na animo'y nag-aapply ako ng lipstick. Then a thought came to mind. Kaya ko kayang isubo nang buong-buo 'yung daliri niya? Hmmmm. Guess there's one way to find out. So, once again, I put his right index finger into my mouth again. Then slowly I attempted to put its entire length inside. Slowly. But when it was about to pass the base of my tongue, agaran akong pinahinto ni Miah at marahang binawi ang kanyang daliri. Napabalik ako sa katinuan nang wala sa oras.
"Mielie, you can stop now. You did great, my dearest boy. Thank you... See you in a bit.", aniya bago humalik sa aking mga labi. Matapos nito, kumaripas siya nang lakad papunta sa spare room na naging kwarto na niya. Sinigurado niya ring hindi ko nakita ang kanyang harapan nang siya'y tumayo.
Dumbfounded, I stayed there for a bit, utterly clueless of what just happened.