The classic 'hurt people, hurt people.' Fuck that, I was hurt and I didn't hurt anyone. I could feel resentment that I had buried deep down coming to the surface.
"Before you start - I know how it sounds. This is going to sound ridiculous but this is what I believed" he paused, before clearing his throat.
I had never felt less sleepy in my entire life.
"I thought you were self obsessed and an egomaniac. I thought you knew how stunning you ar- were, that you dismissed everyone around you. I only said those things to you at prom because I thought you knew deep down how much shit I was talking. I thought you knew that you were beautiful."
I didn't know whether to laugh or scream. The fact Ben had just called me beautiful and stunning didn't seem to sink in. Instead, I sat up quickly from my laid position seconds before. Feeling the blood pumping through my veins as I tried to catch my breath.
"Let me get this straight. Your years of torment were actually just reverse psychology to put me down off the pedestal you thought - I thought, I was on? That's sooooo wrong i don't even know where to begin" I paused.
Ben looked at me, shrugging his shoulders lightly. "I realise that now, but-"
No. Ben needed to know how wrong he was. It was my turn to talk.
"I'm genuinely baffled by how you thought for a second I was some self obsessed, vain narcissist? I've always accepted how I look. I came to terms with it pretty young actually. I knew I was no Cinderella, more like one of her stepsisters... I'm just so confused." I admitted honestly, baffled by how wrong someone could be.
Ben grimaced. "You never replied. So I felt embarrassed and tired to make you feel as shitty as I did."
What was he talking about? "Replied to what?"
Ben looked down at the ground before shaking his head slightly. "You know what, but it doesn't matter. There's still no excuse for what I did."
I had no idea what the hell he was talking about.
My voice came out louder than expected. "What are you talking about Ben? I have no clue what I never replied to." I asked hoping he would tell me what he was referring to.
Ben looked back up to me, his mouth tight. "The letter."
Letter. Did he send me a letter? Maybe an apology? I doubted it. In any case, I never read or received any letter, so that's exactly what I told him.
"You never gave me 'any letter'" I confirmed, feeling annoyed - by what, i wasn't too sure.
Ben's eyes widened slightly. " It was pink paper" he said, his brow furrowed in concentration. "It was in a sealed blue envelope. I left it in your locker in the morning. You really don't remember anything?"
What was he talking about?
"I have no idea what you're talking about Ben. I never got any letter from you." I responded, unsure about his weird reaction. What was so important about this stupid letter anyway?
"all this time, and you never even knew about it? Jesus." He ran a hand through his hair, a wave of regret seemingly washing over him.
I kept my expression the same as it had been since this revelation. Confused and not really sure how to react.
"Remember at Bev's?" He asked, his voice quiet.
I nodded. Not sure if I could ever actually forget that night, even if I tried.
"- I told you both I'd been rejected." He stated factually and I nodded, remembering him taking a sip of rum when Bev asked the question.
Ben took a breath before speaking. "It was you."