(A/n: The next book goes up in about an hour. So don't worry, I won't leave you in suspense for long!)
(EDIT: it's up!!!)
The next few weeks are remarkably calm, as everything cools down and Junghoon makes an actual effort to befriend us, his attitude mellowing the more he accepts that we're not out to hurt him. I'm still secretly suspicious of his motives, as there are times when he lies quite massively, which worries me quite a bit, but I'm not going to say anything until it's necessary.
I don't want anyone to start a fight again. I'm just tired of it, now.
He's constantly lying about his studies, saying that he had to go to some sort of class when in reality the class he's referring to doesn't exist. It's often used as an excuse to leave, and mainly timed by a glance at a phone. It's confusing, of course it is, and it's worrying, but like I said, I can't do anything to stop him.
As far as everyone else is concerned, there's nothing wrong. Everything is getting better.
But I'm not so sure, as everything that happens within my family at the end of this few weeks tears apart whatever faith I had in humanity.
My mother gives birth to a healthy baby girl, one that seems completely normal and physically unbothered by whatever they did to her older siblings. Taewa and I go with her to the hospital on that special day, hyper and excited by the thought of a little sister. Taeseok and my father are both at work, but they're a phone call away if anything happens. They're just as excited as we are.
But our joy doesn't last for long.
Taewa is allowed into the room with our mother whilst she's giving birth, whilst I wait outside, nervously playing on my phone and texting my friends, who continuously try to tell me that it'll all be fine. The moment my little sister is fully born, maybe three or four hours later, I'm informed by a nurse, and I rush in to see how both mother and baby are. I heard the familiar sound of a crying baby earlier, so I know she's alive.
My mother is beaming, clearly exhausted but rightfully proud of herself, and the sleeping infant is curled up in her arms, oblivious to the fact that she's finally here. She's finally alive. And she's beautiful.
Cute chubby cheeks, tiny hands, a soft body that's now cleaned of any unpleasant bodily fluids (because labour is messy), the smallest pair of feet I've ever seen. There's an minute wisp on her little head, and her eyes are peacefully closed. Of course, it must be tiring being born.
I don't remember, so I wouldn't know.
We stay in the hospital for a few hours whilst the normal checks are carried out, and everything seems perfectly fine. My father and older brother arrive at the hospital not long after everything calms down, and they're similarly enchanted by the new member of the family, congratulating my mother for her hard work.
Without any warning, however, an official bursts into the room, maybe four hours after my mother has given birth, carrying a clipboard and a pen, and my heart drops.
"Mr and Mrs Kim, I am part of the Government Protection Branch, and I am here to move your new child to a safer location. We believe that your current situation means that your child will not be secure, and so this is a measure we will take to protect her from those who would cause your family harm," he explains, his tone matter of fact and his face completely indifferent.
My mother glances over at me, a clear question in her eyes, and I nod shamefully, the backs of my eyes beginning to warm up with tears. She sighs, looking down at her new daughter. "She's been alive for four hours," she says desperately, "she hasn't had a chance to meet any of her family yet. How is that fair?"
"It's best she doesn't, for her own security," the official responds immediately. "Less of an emotional connection this way."
"Can we name her?" my father asks, and I can tell from the way he's breathing that he's holding in the onslaught of emotional suffering that's attacking him right now.
Taewa chokes on a sob, suddenly turning to me and wrapping her arms around me, searching for some form of comfort with the gesture, and I completely understand it. Of course she's upset. We all are.
This is my little sister, and I don't get to even meet her.
"You have ten minutes to come up with a name and say your goodbyes," the official says firmly, "then I will be taking her away." He exits the room quickly, glancing at his watch, and my whole family crowds together in front of the hospital bed, all of us struggling to hide how much this hurts.
She's four hours old. Who are they to say that this is the best thing for her?
"I love you, little sister," I whisper under my breath, and my mother smiles up at me, a mix of pain and pride swimming within tired eyes, "I hope we meet again one day."
"What should we call her?" Taeseok murmurs, and my parents look at each other, nodding once.
"We were thinking," my father says, "of Kim Taeyeon. What do you guys think of it?"
We all nod in agreement, and Taewa traces her thumb over our sister's forehead, an informal christening of sorts. "Kim Taeyeon," she whispers to herself, "welcome to the world."
The official returns after the allotted time, and the moment Taeyeon's birth certificate is signed and confirmed, he takes her away, seemingly unaffected by the rest of her family's pain. He probably has to do this a lot, but it can't possibly get any easier.
That evening, I excuse myself, deciding to go see a couple that have always managed to keep me positive.
Jin and Namjoon.
When I get to their house, the place smells like freshly baked cookies, and another car is parked outside of their house. They probably have someone else round, but I can't find it within me to care. I'd like to think they care about me, as well as their mysterious visitor.
Hopefully.
When I ring the doorbell, there's a moment of pause before Jin's at the door, opening it eagerly, his face falling at the miserable state I'm in. Tear stained, sullen, quiet, unable to smile or even pretend to be happy at all.
"Taehyung!" he gasps out, rushing forward and enveloping me into a warm hug. At this point, I allow myself to fully break down, and his arms tighten slightly around me as I begin to properly wail in his embrace, the reality of what happened earlier setting in. "Oh, God, Tae, what happened? What happened with the birth? Was it stillborn?"
I shake my head wordlessly, and he pulls me into the house, knowing better than to question me on his doorstep. "Namjoon, Tae's here!"
"I thought he was with his family, something about a-"
"He was," Jin returns, interrupting his boyfriend before the younger can mention my younger sister, in an effort to help me calm down a little.
Namjoon hurries into the room, stopping out of sheer shock when he sees me, nodding in understanding and taking over, gently grabbing my arm and leading me to the living room so I can sit down somewhere comfortable. "Jin hyung will get some cookies," he says quietly, the kindness in his voice somehow managing to calm my wild heart down. I slowly stop crying, and become aware of an awkward presence on the other sofa.
Jeon Junghoon.
We make uncomfortable eye contact, and the younger male stands up, leaving the room without being asked, pulling his phone out as he goes. "What-" I start, baffled.
"He came round to see hyung and I," Namjoon explains quietly, "don't worry too much about it. Can you tell me what happened?"
"Mum had given birth, perfectly happily," I start, shifting slightly closer to him out of some childish instinct, "and my little sister was beautiful. Tiny, but the most adorable thing you've ever seen."
"What went wrong, Tae?" Jin asks gently, offering me a cookie as he returns to the room with a plate of the sweet treats.
"Thanks hyung," I say gratefully, taking it, and continuing, "then when she was only four hours old some official walks in and demands we hand her over to him."
"What?" Jin says, scandalised. "They can't do that, surely!?"
"Apparently they can. We had ten minutes with her, then she was gone," I say quietly, and the couple both sigh in sympathy at the thought.
"How awful," Namjoon murmurs to himself. "Did you get to name her, Tae?" I nod, biting my lip at the thought of my baby sister.
"Kim Taeyeon," I say firmly, and they both smile warmly at me.
"That's a beautiful name," Jin says encouragingly, and I nod in agreement.
"Beautiful name for a beautiful little sister I never got to know," I respond, curling up and allowing them to try and soothe the ache in my heart, caused by the loss of Taeyeon. She's not dead, but I'll never know her, and that to me is almost as heartbreaking.
I leave their house maybe half an hour later, feeling a little better about the situation and knowing that the last bus to my estate leaves soon. If I don't get on that, my family will get extremely worried.
But as I make my way toward the stop, a small group of young men walk towards me, leering unpleasantly and grinning at each other. I shudder, thinking to cross the road, and then my heart skips a beat as they speed up. They're definitely heading for me.
I'm not safe.
I glance around, trying to see if anyone would notice if I was attacked, only to realise that it's too late for anyone to be out. Nobody would be bothered if anything happens.
Then there's a hand on my wrist, constricting the blood flow to my left hand, painful and dangerous, and another on my right wrist a moment later. I'm too shocked to scream, too horrified to realise what's going on.
And then a strange smelling cloth comes up to my nose, and the world goes black.