Jess' POV
It's Monday, and usually, people hate this day for obvious reasons, but since I don't have work or anything today, I'm in a good mood, although a bit bored.
'Niaaalllll!!!! Where are you? What are you doing?' I try texting him.
He doesn't reply straight away so I look for a movie to watch. Halfway through the film I picked, he finally answered.
'Jesss!!!! I was working. But done for the day! I'm guessing you're bored? Get ready I'm taking you out. I'll be there in 20.'
As soon as I finish getting ready, Niall texts me that he's here. I take one last look, making sure I'm not forgetting anything, wallet, phone, keys. I lock the door behind me and go find Niall.
'Hello there!' He says.
'Hi, Niall! How are you today?'
'Exhausted! And we're barely not even halfway through the day!'
'Then why am I in your car and driving to who knows where? Go home and rest!'
'I don't need rest when I need is my daily dose of Jess, and I want to take you somewhere a little familiar.'
'Let me guess, you're not gonna tell me where until we get there?'
'Exactly!'
A short drive later barely got through 3 songs on the radio, he finds a parking spot for the car and then we walk our way back to wherever he's taking me. It does look familiar. I've been here before, with him. Wait...
'Hyde Park? Again? Really? I mean you do realise there are other parks in London, right?'
'Yeah, but this one is my favourite!'
'So what are we going to do this time? Same as last time?'
'No, I don't feel like looking at anybody else but you today.'
I look at him suspiciously.
'What?' He chuckles.
'Nothing, you're different.'
'Is that a problem?'
'No, of course not. It's just a little confusing.'
He doesn't say anything. He holds my hand and leads me to the pond like last time. I think he has that path memorised by now. He can walk from the entrance to the pond blindfolded if it wasn't for all the random people that are there.
We don't sit on the same bench as last time, instead, we circle the pond until we reach a spot with the least amount of people possible.
We sit on a bench near the trees where we're mostly alone, except for the very few people passing through behind us.
'Isn't it beautiful here? It's so peaceful.' He gushes.
I don't even know what to say. On one hand, I don't want to insist too much and force him to discuss something he's not ready to talk about. On the other hand, I have to know what's going on in that crazy mind of his!
But I decided to let him talk at his own pace. So I just sit here, listen to the sound of wind in the trees and the ducks and swans in the pond, watching them play around in the water.
I turn to look at Niall when he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled himself close to me. I can feel my heart beating faster and my mind getting more and more anxious about all the unanswered questions.
'Look, Jess,' he starts, looking into my eyes as I turn in my seat to face him, 'I know we're like best friends, but we both know it was never about that. I think we both know how we feel about each other. But we, or at least me, spent most of my time either denying it or being scared of it. But I don't want to be scared anymore. Now I might not be able to take the leap because it still looks to me like throwing myself off a cliff. But I know that I can't deny how much I love you and I don't intend to hide it anymore. Of course, if that's okay with you. Maybe after getting used to being open about our feelings for each other on a regular basis, I'd feel safer when it comes to taking the next step? I don't know... I'm really trying here Jess.'
'Thank you for being honest. I know this is hard for you. I know about your past and how much you've lost because of your job. I guess I get why it's so difficult for you to take that step. And I really don't want to rush you. As long as I get to hang out with you and openly love you as much as I do. I'm okay. I don't need titles or statuses. All I need is you by my side as much as I get to.'
'Thank you for being this understanding!'
He put his hand on my cheek, lean in slowly and then softly kiss the other cheek. Then his hand moves to the back of my neck, gently guiding my head to his shoulder as he wraps his arm tightly around my waist as I do the same. We stay like this for a short while. But with one last kiss on the top of my head, he pulls away, holding my hand again, standing up and leading me someplace else.
Niall's POV
We're walking around aimlessly throughout the big park, I can't help but think about the rush of feelings. Because it's not like anything I've felt before. But it's not just the positive mind-blowing love-related emotions. It's also the dark, mind crippling fear-related emotions. I don't understand why I'm reacting this negatively to something so amazing and that can be so fulfilling. Like sure, I understand that I'm afraid I'll lose her for being away for too long, scared of disappointing her when I can't make it for important events in her life because of my own job. Terrified of breaking a promise because of factors I can't really control.
I love my job, and I'll always be writing music and touring for as long as I get to do it. But it's not fair for her, to drag her along with me, to force her to be away from each other for way too long.
I wonder if there's anything that scares her as much as this does. I can't believe this topic never came up.
'Hey, Jess?'
'Yeah?'
'Is there anything that scares you? Like do you have any fears or phobias?'
'Hmm... I used to be scared of the dark. And up until I was 18 I still slept with a night light on. But then my migraines started to get worse, so I had to get used to sleeping in the dark. But there are nights where I just can't help it. I get scared again, and I don't feel safe, even when I'm in my own bedroom, in my own bed. Sometimes, I just get scared again and can't feel safe.'
'And how do you fix that? On those nights, how do you stop being scared and feel safe enough to fall asleep?' I ask her.
'Well, before I used to try repeating to myself that I'm okay, I'm safe. There's nothing in the dark, no need to be scared. Cuddling with my teddy helped too.'
She stops in her sentence and looks straight ahead, wide-eyed.
'I wasn't supposed to know about your teddy now, was I?' I chuckle.
She blushes and turns away. I tighten softly my grip on her hand.
'It's okay! It's cute! No need to be embarrassed. But hey tell me this. You said you did those things before, as in you don't do them anymore. What do you do now then?'
'You'll think I'm weird.'
'Aren't we all? Being weird is awesome! Tell me, please.'
'More recently... I imagine cuddling with the man I love and he'd be telling me that I'm okay and I'm safe instead of me telling myself. It's more convincing that way.'
'Hmm, Interesting!' I tease her a bit, 'And who is he? Is he an actual person or just an imagination?'
She laughs slightly, gently pushing me with her shoulder.
'Okay! Okay! No teasing. But I want to know who. If you want to tell me.'
'It's you. Of course, it's you! Who else would it be!'
'Ashton?'
'No! Of course not! That's... over...'
'Yeah... I'm sorry about that.'
'It's okay, it wasn't meant to be I guess.'
'If it makes you feel better, as long as I'm with you, you'll never be scared of the dark again. Because when you are, I'll be there to hold you and to tell you that you're safe. You won't need to imagine it anymore.'
'Yeah, I guess I don't.'
I let go of her hand, only to put my arm around her shoulder and pull her closer to me. I kiss her on her temple, and then start walking back to the car.
'Back home?' She asks me.
'Unless you have something else in mind?'
'No, home is fine.'