Lissa's POV
After shutting the door, it felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I held my hand in front of my mouth and cried instantly, stabilising myself with the other hand on the wall. What had I done? Had I done the right thing after all? And who's to say what's right or wrong? I didn't know if I had done the right thing and I didn't know how to behave. I never felt so lonely in my entire life before. I had felt lonely in other ways, internally mostly. But now the lonely feeling wasn't just internal, it was external too. And the one person I truly would've needed, was behaving like an ice cube.
"Get yourself together," I mumbled to myself and wiped away my tears, using the fabric of my dress to do so.
Filled with dreadful numbness, I made my way downstairs to the dungeons.
Already from a distance, I could see Malice trying to flirt with the guard, that was supposed to watch over her. A laugh escaped my lips.
"This won't ever work, Malice, but it's funny to see you try," I stated with a grin.
She glared at me and I knew she had no clue what I meant, she'd probably only try harder to convince herself otherwise. 'Though she would never succeed as Howard was gay, but I wouldn't tell her that.
"Did you miss me already?" Malice asked with a twisted expression on her face.
"No I didn't," I gulped and stared directly into her stone grey eyes. "But Marie does."
Her lips twitched upwards slightly, forming a sinister smile.
"Really?" She questioned, her eyes lighting up instantly.
"Yes, really." I took a step closer to the prison bars, closer to Malice, who took in the news, like a child one night before Christmas.
"Look, Malice, I'll only say that to you once." With one hand I started to lightly carress her tangled brown hair and she eyed me suspiciously. Then I started to pull on it in a painfully rough manner and continued: "I swear to God, if you harm her in any way, I'll make you regret that every single day for the rest of your miserable life!"
She whimpered from the pain, but still managed to laugh disturbingly.
"You're becoming more and more like your mother," she said and laughed again and I let go of her hair, thinking about her words.
"Ew, but don't try to hit on me now. You're way too old, that'd be so gross."
I think she expected me to be hurt, which didn't happen so she only looked at me dumbfounded.
"Come on now, Marie wants to see you." With that I opened the door and dragged her with me, Howard accompanying us.
Before we reached the room, I turned to Howard.
"Please make sure that nothing's gonna happen to her," I pleaded.
"I'll do whatever is necessary," he replied and gave me a warm smile.
"Thanks, Howard."
With one last murderous look, aimed at Malice, I left the castle.
I got me a horse and made my way to Crimson.
As I reached the kingdom, the place that had been my home all these years, without being an actual home, I felt a deep dark sadness weighing down on my heart.
The civilians I saw, all looked devastated, exhausted and broken, like mere shadows of themselves.
Next to the roadway I noticed an unconscious boy, probably about 11 years old. He was bleeding badly and the sight of him left me in sheer terror.
I climbed off my horse and kneeled down next to him. Feeling helpless and responsible at the same time, I cupped his face and looked for a pulse. Thank God, he really was just unconscious, but the state he was in, was severe nonetheless. Suddenly I remembered something and even 'though it might've been insane, I thought it was worth a try. So I took the knife out of my garter and cut deep into my hand, then I pressed it onto the wound on his chest and waited.
A bit breathless, he awoke again and his wounds started to heal.
"Hey, can you hear me?"
He looked at me wide eyed and nodded.
"How are you feeling?" I asked him concerned.
"I think I'm okay," he mumbled, while inspecting himself.
"What happened to you?"
He frowned thoughtfully.
"Uhm, I was fighting in the battle."
I stared at him in bewilderment.
"What? You? You were fighting in the battle? But you're like what - 11 years old? Oh my God!"
"I'm 12 already," he stated and pouted.
"Oh, uhm sorry," I mumbled, not wanting to hurt his pride. "Shall I get you home?" I offered.
"Thanks, that'd be nice."
I helped him get onto the horse and he guided me to his home.
"I've never done this before," he mumbled.
"What?"
"Riding a horse, I mean. I always wanted to learn that, but mom says, it's too expensive."
"Really? Well, I can teach you, if you want me to." I had always loved children, because they weren't as complicated as adults most of the time, I loved how direct they were and how lively. And seeing children happy was just a heavenly blessing.
"Woah, really?" He asked in excitement.
"Yes sure. What's your name by the way?"
"I'm Nicholas, but everyone calls me Nick."
"Nice to meet you, Nick. I'm Lissa."
When we reached his home, I could see a woman with a basket of fresh laundry, about to hang it out to dry. She looked worn out and tired. Once she spotted us, she let the basket fall and the fresh white laundry landed in the dirt, but she didn't seem to care. She only had eyes for the boy, who sat next to me, which filled my heart with joy.
"Nicholas! You're alive!" She exclaimed, running towards us.
I helped him get off the horse and she embraced him tightly, kissing his hair, while mumbling: "Thank God!" And he scrunched up his nose, trying to escape her hug halfheartedly. After an intimate moment shared between mother and son, she turned to me and her eyes grew wide.
"Oh, it's you, princess! Thank you so much!" She hugged me too, which made me feel a bit flustered.
"It's okay, it's the least I could do. This battle caused way too much unnecessary destruction."
I was about to get back on my horse, when Nick asked: "What are you gonna do now?" Eyes full of curiousity.
"Well, save a few people, take over the kingdom again and get back to my girlfriend," I replied and he stared at me in awe.
"Woah! You already have a girlfriend?"
I grinned at his cute amazement.
"Yes," I answered proudly. "Though come to think of it, she's actually my fiancée," I corrected myself.
"Wow, that's so cool!" He exclaimed. "You sound like some kind of superhero!"
I laughed at that.
"Oh no, I'm just a 16 year old girl, who's in love, but let me tell you something."
I leaned in closer to him in a seemingly secretive way and added:"That's so much more dangerous."
He stared at me with wide eyes and I tried not to giggle.
Then I got onto my horse and waved them goodbye, yelling "I won't forget my promise!" To which he smiled joyfully.
As I entered the castle some of the guards greeted me with a nod.
I was glad to find my maid Louise, who had taken care of me ever since I could remember.
"Louise!" I called after her, as she walked down the hallway and she turned around facing me with a heartfelt smile.
"Princess!" She yelled and ran towards me to embrace me.
It felt nice to see a familiar face of someone I loved after feeling so lonely earlier.
"You need to help me, Louise," I mumbled after we had simply held each other for a while.
"Anything, my princess."
"You see, some of my friends are here somewhere, they've been captured during the battle."
"Then they're probably in the dungeons," she replied.
"Yes, I figured that too."
"Alright, let's go, I have the keys."
Therese and Vanessa were more than relieved to see me.
"Thank God!" Vanessa exclaimed. "We already thought you wouldn't come back for us anymore!"
To which Therese replied: "No, don't listen to her, we knew you'd come back, right, Ness?"
Vanessa frowned. "But you know how unpredictable hormonal teenagers can be," she muttered. And I noticed, that even 'though it wasn't that long ago since I had last seen them, I had already started to miss Vanessa's tactlessness.
"Ness, don't say that," Therese responded and gave me an apologetic look.
"No, it's fine really, I'm just glad you're okay," I said and we all did a group hug.
We stayed like this, until Therese said:"Please, can we stop now, you're starting to crush me." And we parted again.
Vanessa broke the short silence again by saying: "Guys, I'm so hungry right now! I'm starving, like literally starving! I mean I've done several diets in my life, but this is a whole other level!"
"You're not really starving, Ness," Therese stated bluntly.
"Oh you don't believe me? Fine, feel my belly then, it's practically nonexistent by now!" Vanessa replied theatrically.
"No, I don't wanna feel your belly now!"
"Oh really, I remember a time where you said that my belly actually turns you on," Vanessa teased.
"Oh just shut up."
I couldn't help, but grin at their interaction.
"Okay guys, just calm down. How about we have dinner here and then head back to Indigo?" I offered.
"Brilliant!" Vanessa responded.
And Therese gave me a thankful look and I knew exactly what she meant, because whenever Vanessa was hungry she actually did turn into the monster of Loch Ness to some extent.
But there was also a personal reason as to why I thought, that staying here for a bit was a good idea, there were still some things in the back of my head, that needed attention, some things I needed to take care of.
Before we made it to the dining room, I tugged on Louise's sleeve and she turned to me.
"Louise, please tell me, that my uh...my mother...." I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence.
"Your mother's body isn't there anymore. We put it into a coffin, in case you'd like to bury it." She made a pause and sighed. "But I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want that."
I thought for a moment.
"No, actually, I think, I'd like to bury her."
Louise gave me a surprised look and I added: "You know, I once heard the saying that for a child a mother is like God and I think I understand it a bit more now. She was a terrible person, but a part of me has always loved her and loves her still."
She didn't say a word after that and I was glad about the distraction that Vanessa offered by discussing the choice of décor in the castle with me.
We ate in silence, except for Vanessa mentioning how good the asparagus tasted, and I was thankful for that short break of interaction. I only ate some vanilla pudding, as that was the only thing I felt like eating at the moment.
Louise entered the room with an apologetic look on her face. "Uhm princess, I am sorry to interrupt you, it's just that, now that you're already here, uhm, I thought I'd let you know that, uh, you know since the Queen has fallen and you're the only one left, you'll have to take her place."
I placed my pudding back on the table.
"Uhm, no it's alright. You're right. And when?"
"Well as soon as possible."
I took a deep breath. This day felt like several lives I had lived and not just like one day.
"Okay good, how about now then?"
"Good, very good, I'll get the crown then."
"Louise, wait!" I called after her. "How exactly does this work?"
"Well, you'll give a speech in front of Crimson's civilians and then you'll be crowned, just the usual."
I waved her off and slowly sat down. Frantically I played with a strand of my hair, trying hard to resist the urge to rip it out in an instant.
"You don't look good dear, are you alright?" Vanessa asked concerned.
"No," I muttered, while burrying my head in my hands. "I can't do this! I'm scared of people, how should I give a speech now in front of so many?"
"Oh darling," Vanessa leaned over to lightly touch my head in an effort to comfort me. "Just imagine them all naked."
"What?" I looked up at her.
"Yes, do it, it helps, I do it all the time, when I'm nervous," she added to which she owned herself a questioning look from Therese.
"Oh no, not like that Tessie, get your dirty mind away from me!"
Vanessa turned to me again.
"Lissa, the best you can do, is to just be yourself," she tried to reassure me, but it didn't help.
"But I'm a wreck at the moment, I don't think being myself comes in handy right now."
"Oh uhm," she looked thoughtful. "Maybe then it's better to pretend you're someone else," she stated.
About half an hour later the ceremony was arranged and all of me wanted to just run away, but I couldn't, so I poured myself a scotch and downed the glass, before stepping out on the huge balcony.
Therese and Vanessa were sitting to my right, Louise to my left.
And in front of me was an unbelievably big crowd, that was eager to hear what I had to say as the new Queen of Crimson.
I took a deep breath and stood right in front of the microphone.
"Uhm, alright, I greet you, civilians of Crimson, uhm, no actually forget what I said, that sounds awkward, or maybe don't forget what I said, because I do mean to greet you, oh God I'm so lost." I made a break and noticed that Louise was about to get up and help me, but I wanted to manage this on my own, so I took another breath to compose myself.
"Okay, look, you might be wondering about how I - this 16 year old girl here, could possibly be a well functioning Queen, it's very likely that you do and I don't blame you, because honestly I got no clue either. Half of the time I feel scared and overwhelmed, but that doesn't matter, because if there's something I have learned over the past weeks, it's that we grow with our experiences and I am very willing to continue this growth. I am also aware that you had a lot to endure, because of this battle and I am sorry for that. I'll try my best to reign this kingdom with love instead of violence, because that's the only thing that truly matters in life. Love. With that being said I am your new Queen now and I'll try my best. But even 'though I'm your Queen now, I'm still human like the rest of you, only another body made of flesh and blood. I am not perfect and I'll make mistakes, but what I can promise you is that I'll try my best to act in your favour and according to your wishes."
To me it felt like I had only spoken rubbish, but the crowd applauded enthusiastically and I felt a weight lift off of my chest.
Louise then crowned me and Vanessa patted my shoulder.
"That was quite good actually!" She praised. "Did you imagine them naked?"
"No, to be honest, I was so nervous, that I forgot about it," I admitted.
"Well, it doesn't matter, you did a great job."
After the ceremony had ended, the three of us agreed that we only wanted to get home due to our tiredness and exhaustion.
Before we left I wanted to have another word with Louise 'though, so while Vanessa and Therese weren't paying attention I said: "About the funeral of my mother, can we do that tomorrow?"
"Sure, whenever you're ready."
"That's the thing - I just want to get it over and done with."
She just nodded.
Once we were back in Indigo, I almost felt like collapsing and it was hard for me to keep my eyes open. So I just went into my room, brushed my teeth and changed into my nightgown. But I was startled by a knock on the door. Reluctantly I opened it to see one of the servants stand in front of me - a small elderly woman with grey hair.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but the princess keeps on saying your name in her sleep, she seems to miss you."
This information however did manage to wake me up a bit.
"Really?" I asked, but more to myself, while already walking past her.
"But be careful," the woman spoke. "Keep your distance, she's having a fever."
As I heard the word 'fever', I quickened my pace until I had reached her room.
Slowly I went inside. Marie still didn't own a bedside lamp, so there was a lantern on her bedside table instead.
A nurse carefully layed a wet washcloth on her forehead, before leaving the room.
"Marie?" I whispered, but she didn't respond.
She seemed to be dreaming and from the way she behaved, I could tell it wasn't anything nice.
So I ignored the elderly woman's warning and got into bed right next to her.
"Lissa," she mumbled, causing me to wrap my arms around her.
"It's okay, Marie, I'm here."