The Guide To Moving On

Natasha's POV

I walked off into my bedroom after bidding Cap goodnight. I grabbed the phone that I had placed on the dresser when we first arrived and used it to text Fury and let him know that Rogers is on board.

He replied with a thumbs up and let me know that he was already gathering the rest of the team. I put my phone down and decided to head for a shower in my ensuite. The cool water running down my back felt good and I allowed myself to get carried away in my thoughts.

Tonight had been an absolute whirlwind. He had been quite upset which I had already predicted, but I still managed to talk him around it. Even if it meant sharing a little more than what I intended to with him.

Oh well, whatever it takes to complete a mission right?

I turned the tap off and got dressed and ready for bed. I wasn't overly tired, but a few hours of sleep would be nice before we got back on the road at least.

I tucked myself into the bed and turned to get my handcuffs out of my bag. I rummaged around and realized they weren't where they should be. I dug around a little more looking for them when it dawned on me.

I had left them at home on my bedside table! Oh no! Now I wouldn't be getting any sleep at all. I needed those handcuffs. Ever since the Red Room chained us to our bed every night when I was younger, I soon became reliant on them. They were the only way that I could get to sleep now. Trust me, I have tried numerous times, with no avail to sleep without them.

I guess I won't be getting any sleep then. I rolled back over and sighed, it was going to be a long night.

I laid there for several hours waiting for sleep to consume me. I could hear Steve's quiet snoring from next door and tried to use that as a way of getting to sleep. Slowly but surely, my eyes started to close and I drifted into a restless sleep.

In her dream...

"You are made of marble Natalia. Marble doesn't crack remember?" Madame B's voice echoed through the room that I was seemingly stuck in. The scene changed and this time she was standing right beside me, whipping my legs with every word.

"Do not show your emotions, they are a sign of weakness. Don't you remember what we have taught you?" She asked, smiling maliciously at me.

"Showing your weaknesses will only make you vulnerable, they will only use it against you." 15 year old me whimpered out. She smiled at me again and the scene changed once again.

This time I was in the living room of the motel that we were currently staying in. Steve was beside me and he was holding a knife.

"Do you think that you had it that hard? You are just a tiny breakable child. You are vulnerable, weak, useless. And you know what happens to weak girls?" He asked smirking at me whilst drawing the knife higher up and then using all of his force to bring it down towards me.

I woke up sweating and breathing heavily. I realized that I was back in the bedroom I fell asleep in. I looked up and checked the time. I had been asleep for half an hour! I sighed deeply and tried to get my emotions back in check.

After a few minutes of deep breathing, I was almost physically back to normal; however, my mind was a mess with emotions. This nightmare hadn't been as bad as the usual ones, I don't think I screamed this time, however it was still enough to knock me around.

I sat up in bed, deciding that a glass of water would be nice right about now. I walked out to the kitchenette quietly as to not wake up Steve.

What was I thinking? Opening up to Steve like that? Madame B and the Red Room was right, showing emotions is a sign of weakness. I have witnessed it first hand and never ends well. Something about Steve just makes me want to drop the guard that I have spent years building.

But I can't allow myself to. It is foolish and I will only get hurt because of it. I don't know how much more hurt I can handle. I cannot continue down the path I was yesterday when we were talking on the couch.

The Black Widow remains strictly professional at all times. She is cunning, smart, strong, and the very material of many people's nightmares. I have to put that near unbreakable wall up, the fewer emotions I allow to show, the better. And that starts now.

Right then, I felt the cold blade of a knife pressed against my neck. I had been so consumed in my thoughts I hadn't even noticed that someone had snuck up behind me. See, this is what happens when I let my guard down for even a second.

"Why hello," I said cooly, whilst punching his hand away and reaching up, grabbing their head, using it as a vault to flip myself around away from the knife. I then got into a fighting stance, quickly scanning the individual to find weaknesses that I could use to my advantage.

It was a man, barely 30, quite tall with jet black hair. Simple target. He had a knife in his hand that was against my neck moments ago and a pistol in his belt. I quickly decided to disarm him and then take him down.

I launched at him and landed on his shoulders. I repeatedly shoved my elbow into his head, shocking him enough to drop the knife at my sudden attack. I then flipped off him, landing directly behind him.

He started reaching for his gun so I grabbed his arm and swiftly dislocated it, causing him to howl in pain. With one last punch to the temple, I had him passed out on the floor of the motel.

"Agent Romanoff!!! What on EARTH is going on here!?" Steve called running out of his room, clearly still half asleep. I'm fairly sure that the noise of me defeating the intruder was enough to wake him.

"It is no big deal. This guy was an amateur. Shame really, I'm sure he had a life ahead of him and now he will only ever see the inside of a jail cell." I said calmly. I was not about to let Steve know the details, such as I was so distracted he held a knife to my neck without me realizing beforehand. Not a chance.

"No big deal! Agent Romanoff, it is 2 am and I get woken up to you battling some guy in our motel room!" Rogers said exasperatedly.

"The world has changed Rogers, stuff like this happens all the time. It is only luck that this guy chose me to mess with instead of anyone else that couldn't defend themselves or the outcome would have been much worse. That's why we need people like the Avengers to protect us. Speaking of which, I think it is time that we head off back to New York." I said calmly. I knew I wasn't getting any more sleep anyway and neither was Steve so we may as well leave.

I walked away without waiting for a reply from Cap, already dialing the police to let them know what had happened.

10 minutes later we were both ready to go. By now Steve had woken up properly and was alert. I have a feeling he has never really encountered an event like that before. It's not exactly what they teach you in the 1940s army.

"You ready to go soldier?" I asked as I walked to the door, not even waiting for a reply. It was time we got back and got onto the real business.