s t r e a m {SAPNAP}

BEE POV

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FEBRUARY 26TH

Winter break came and went. Christmas went by in a flash, and then the new year, and then suddenly it was the end of February and I was well into my second semester.

I was doing better. I'd reduced my streams to once on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday, and at work I forced them to cut my hours. It would mean less money but I'd rather have less money than dying because of the stress.

I even got a boyfriend that Kayla approved of.

His name was Ethan, and he was in my new linguistics course. I actually really liked him. He was a nice break to my busy life, although now I had to find time to schedule him in too.

He was a nice guy. We met on Christmas Eve at a dinner party and hit it off right away. He was a bit taller than me, with shaggy brown hair and blue eyes. I couldn't really describe his personality—he was very upfront, very authoritative. I liked it, I guess.

I had decided to post another TikTok about my channel. It blew up again and I was overwhelmed with the amount of people that began following me. I had gone from almost 3 thousand followers to well over 20k, averaging at least a thousand fews per stream. My donations and subs were increasing, and for the first time, I didn't feel particularly worried about paying rent and tuition.

My new goal was to reach 50,000 followers. Finally, I was getting somewhere. Finally I was going to be something big. There were even a few small fan pages for me, which I wasn't expecting so early on.

I was ecstatic. And every day, my follower count increased, and every day, I swallowed down any negative feels I had.

"Okay, chat," I said into my mic, a smile on my face. I'd finally a bought a new mic; it was pink and hung down to my mouth, and I loved it. "Today I'm in a brand new fresh survival world. I want to start some new series, so I'll stream the survival world on Monday's, Bedwars and/or speed running on Wednesday's, and then of course I'll do my weekly mini games with all of you on Saturday."

I began to build my house, talking to my chat and reading some donations off my screen. For once I felt like I didn't have to force a smile to stream, and I think my viewers started to notice it too.

"Hey Bee, we're really glad that you're doing better but please remember you don't have to stream all the time if you're not up to it!! Love you!!"

I smiled. "Thanks, Janie, for the dono! And yes, it's true I was struggling a bit but I'm doing much better now. Thank you guys so much."

I played for a few hours, thanking everyone for their donations and all their support. One donation in particular caught my eye; it was small, but someone had asked if I watched someone named Dream.

"Oh! Yeah, I mean I've watched a few videos, and I think he raided one of my earlier streams a while ago. I heard he's been blowing up in popularity a lot more!" I chuckled. I did remember him, of course, he donated me that 100$ that paid for my rent for the month.

"Do you think you'll ever beat his speedrun time?" I read. "Ummm, I guess it's a possibility! I'm definitely trying to get sub 20, but I don't know what his time is. Maybe I'll try to beat it on Wednesday." I joked, returning back to my survival world. I wasn't trying to rush this world; I wanted to actually take my time and get as many achievements as I could.

Finally, I decided to end the stream. I said goodnight and decided to raid a smaller streamer that barely had 30 viewers before I turned in for the night.

I sent out a tweet.

-BEE (@ LIBBEE)
Thank you guys for the wonderful stream tonight! See you Wednesday for another speedrun! Let's try and beat Dream's time!

I was, of course, joking. I didn't want to start some stupid rivalry, although I'm sure Dream wouldn't even notice.

Ethan texted me goodnight and I felt my heart light up. He made me happy. I'd even reduced my medication because of him. Everything was going to be okay.

I wish that were true. Deep down, I knew the things he does behind my back, the texts he sends, the pictures he liked.

I read a book. Months ago, I wondered if my mom would be proud of me. Now here I am, kickstarting my career, halfway through college, supporting myself, and feeling mentally stable.

I fell asleep with War and Peace open on my lap.

***

FEBRUARY 27TH

When I woke up the next morning, I noticed that I'd gotten a reply to my tweet, amongst the hundreds of likes and comments. I opened it up and stared at Dream's name.

-DREAM (@ DREAMWASTAKEN)
Trying to beat 19.47?
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-BEE (@LIBBEE)
Just trying to get sub 20, I'm not worried about your time:)
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-DREAM (@DREAMWASTAKEN)
Sounds like you areeee
-DREAM (@DREAMWASTAKEN)
I'll be watching 😳💪

I smiled and put my phone away, starting to get ready for the day. I had my linguistics class at 10, then work at 12, and then I'd be able to whatever I wanted for the rest of the day. I showered and got changed into something that I actually wanted to wear. I was done with letting myself think I wasn't thin enough or pretty enough to wear what I wanted.

Ethan picked me up promptly at 9:30, eyeing my tennis skirt and top. I suddenly felt insecure. It wasn't the first time he'd commented on my body.

"Are you sure you want to wear that?" He said slowly, looking me up and down.

"Why? What's wrong with it?" I inspect the lining of my skirt. "I don't see anything wrong with it."

"It's not that there's anything wrong per se, I just don't want my girlfriend to walk around looking like--"

My eyes widened.

"Like what, Ethan? Like. What."

"Like a whore," He spoke honestly. Offended, I slammed the car door and began to walk away from him. I would just drive myself to class. He called after me.

"C'mon, babe, you know I didn't mean it like that."

"Yes, you did!" I felt rage build up inside of me. We'd been dating for a little over two months, and while I definitely enjoyed his company, there were certain things he did that just...pushed me over the edge. I'd seen the way he looks at other girls—the suspicious amount of female clothing in his apartment that didn't seem to match anything I wore or anything his mom would wear. "You don't know a goddamn thing about me, do you?" I shouted over my shoulder.

"Babe, please, all you need to do is change."

"I'm not gonna change for you! This is what I want to wear."

He called to me as I walked towards my car.

"Fucking bitch!"

I turned and stared at him coldly, rage bubbling in my chest.

"Don't think I don't know about the bitches you're fucking, Ethan."

I unlocked my car and slid in, crossing my arms like a child. It wasn't the first time he'd said things like this. It was also partially the reason I didn't tell him about twitch. I knew he'd say something stupid or mean about it, and I wasn't ready for that.

I drove to class and ignored his texts.