s t r e a m {SAPNAP}

BEE POV

***

SEPTEMBER 7TH

"What was that?" I whispered, my hands curling into fists on my knees. He sat across from me, and I was unable to tell what he was feeling.

"Well, if you must know, a kiss is when two people--"

I snorted, covering my mouth with my hand.

"Obviously, dumbass," I chortled, swallowing down the rest of my laughter. "Do you know how many people just saw that?"

"Yeah, about seventeen thousand,"

"Probably more than that, but I wasn't paying attention," I admitted. "But that's not the point. Christ--you...you just did that. Live. In front of all those people. For millions of other people to clip and post all over the internet."

"I'm sorry...I just--you said--"

"You didn't have to take me seriously," I moaned, holding my head in my hands. "But you have no idea how glad I am that you were my first kiss."

"I'm your first kiss?"

I couldn't bring myself to look at him. God, I wanted to, I wanted to feel the same feelings I'd had when he pulled away from me. I wanted to remember everything we'd done together over the last week, I wanted to remember every little conversation and call we'd ever had.

"Yeah. The first one that mattered."

"There was a different one?"

"This guy I used to date." I slowly began to spin my chair around, picking my feet off the ground. "I didn't want to do anything. But he got tired of me being a prude. So he just...well. You understand. He always got what he wanted, I guess."

Silence again.

"I wouldn't do that to you. Anything--anything you didn't like. Or anything you were uncomfortable with. I'd stop."

"I'm comfortable with you." I mumbled. "Ever since you've been here--every minute, every little moment, every time I look at you. I love being around you. You've been here for me, even when no one else has. And every time you say something stupid or do something dumb, I can't be mad at you for long. What you did during that stream a while back--it embarrassed me, sure, but was I mad at you? I wanted to be,"

"I wanted to be so mad at you that I could never speak to you again, but then you were on my mind for the rest of the night. It's like no matter how hard I try to be mad and upset, there's something stopping me. And I can't even be mad over anything you do."

I stared at the ceiling, and then moved my gaze back to Nick.

"I care about you," He said slowly. "I've always cared about you. I don't know a lot about your life, what you've been through, where you've been or where you're going. I don't know if I'm in your future or not. When you decide to open up to me more--if you ever do, I'll listen. But right now, I don't care about the future. I'm focused on the now. If, by tomorrow, everything has changed and I never see you again, then I'll be glad to have spent today with you."

"My friends--our friends--get annoyed by how much I talk about you. And for the longest time, they saw something that I didn't see. They saw the way I talked about you, they saw the way I light up when I hear your name. You're...so important to me. So if everything goes downhill tomorrow, know that you can call me whenever you want...even if you don't have a reason to. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you."

"You said once that you thought you might be falling in love with me," I whispered. I could barely hear myself speak. "And I thought, for a moment, you were joking."

"Why would I be joking?" I heard him say. "You matter to me."

"The unfinished conversations we used to have still speak to me," I quoted, from some show I'd long forgotten. "You are the best thing about this place."

We sat in my bedroom for a while, doused in our own sappy monologue.

"Are you actually going to North Dakota?" Nick's face was pinched was sadness.

"I have to be with family," But I didn't sound so sure.

"I can't think straight with you." I watched as he fidgeted with his hands. "Am I too late?"

I finally stood from my chair and walked to the bed, sitting next to him silently. I took his hand in mine. I remembered how it felt the first time I held his. I liked the way my fingers laid against his.

"Sometimes," He admits, "I hear you on the phone when yo think you've hung up, or when you think I can't hear you. And...I think there is something there that you're not allowing yourself to understand,"

"I understand," I mumbled, "I understand the way I feel. And the first time I saw you I knew I was in love with you."

"What do you feel when you see me now?"

"It's mostly a mix of wanting to kiss you and wanting to yell at you for being an insufferable asshole," I laughed, flopping backwards onto the bed.

I was tired. I wanted to sleep. I closed my eyes.

"Would you still love me if I was a thousand miles away?" I said, fighting to stay awake.

"I would love you if you were on the other side of the planet, and I would love you if were inches away from me, and I would love you if you were anywhere in between,"

"Loser," I muttered, a smile playing at my lips.

"Your loser,"

"My loser."

I slept.