"It's complicated" Levi x Badass reader

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I sleepily went back to the HQ on Luke's exhausted horse. I could barely keep my eyes open as I arrived outside the stone building.

I barely looked at it, I felt like I should be more excited to be home but with every passing moment I still hadn't seen Levi or my friends, as far as I knew, I was still alone. The horse trotted through the vibrant gardens and onto the field, where some cadets were training in the distance.

It was now the afternoon and there were cadets everywhere, turning their focus to me getting off the horse and putting it in the stables.
Cadets murmured and gazed at my depressed state and my dirty and bloody appearance. I didn't have the energy to move, to talk, to breathe. I was confused at what I felt. It was the loneliest feeling ever.

I rubbed my eyes and walked through the hallways. My heart sunk as I still saw no one I knew. There were a few people looking a little concerned or worried which I silently appreciated.

I needed a shower, urgently. I wandered over to the showers when something down the hall caught my sleepy attention.

I silently turned  to . . . Levi and Petra talking. Petra was another cadet who was on his squad, I had never really talked to her, she seemed a bit too perky for my liking. It was quite surreal seeing Levi so calm, even thought to him, I was still missing . . . or dead.

I gazed at the pair as she giggled at something he said and playfully put her hand on his shoulder. His back was turned so I couldn't see his face but they seemed to be having a good time.

"Oh my goodness, Levi you're so funny!" She said smiling.

They're on a first name basis?

She tucked some hair behind her ear and looked up at him.

"You know, I could really use some help with my cleaning duties, would you be a sweetheart?" She said cheekily.

Please say no.

"Of course." He said.

Why was he helping her? He never helped anyone, especially when it came to something like cleaning duties.

It felt like a hole had been punched through my chest as I looked at the closeness of the two. My eyes widened and my breath quickened.

My assumptions were right . . . he wasn't looking for me.

He must've not even bat an eyelid at my disappearance.

He obviously had better things going on.

It was made clear to me that I wasn't worth the time, the effort to find me, to worry about me. My feelings crumbled as I looked at them. Her beautiful smiling face gazing up at him. She was way prettier than I was, I didn't even compare. A wave of harsh insecurity came over me as I felt so stupid. So stupid for even believing for a fucking second that I was a priority, that I was  . . . anything.

All this time, all the things he said, every action, every kiss, every heart-melting thing he ever said to me . . . meant nothing? My thoughts and blood boiled into an angry and heartbroken mess. Did he just lead me on? For his entertainment?

I held back the waterfall of tears that were building up in my throat as I ran back to the showers, turning the corner as they still hadn't seen me.

-

I ran into the empty girls' showers and quickly got into the shower as I began to silently cry.

The water washed down the endless stream of tears that fell from my sore eyes.

I started hyperventilating as I felt utterly invisible.

When I had reached the gate, do you know what I was thinking?