Two broken souls

I DON'T OWN PICTURE

Tamara hear Quinjet to leave. She sigh and walk to kitchen. She find some Thor's Pop Tarts and put two of them in toaster. She find some orange juice and pour herself a glass. When Tarts are ready she move to kitchen island to eat. She take little bites and force herself to swallow them. She hasn't eaten over two weeks. HYDRA didn't give her anything to eat when they tried to break her and after that she move out before eating. She don't feel hunger anymore. After eating about half of first Tart she has to stop for a moment. She stop herself by force from vomiting. After feeling passed she continue. It took almost an hour to eat both Pop Tarts and glass of juice. She breath heavily because of nausea. She sit there her face in her hands for ten minutes before nausea start to calm down. 

Tamara clean after herself and move to couch. She open TV and watch it without listening. There is storm inside her head. Her torture play over and over again in her mind, it always end her cutting Loki's skin and her break down then it start all over again. She whimper and curl on couch. She hold her head. "Please stop, no more." She whimper on her spot. "Miss Tamara?" JARVIS ask her. "Yes JARVIS?" Tamara rise and answer to him. "Do you need me to call others?" "No, I'm fine. No need to worry them." Tamara answer. "If you are sure miss." "Yes I'm sure JARVIS, thank you." Tamara say lastly. 

Tamara turn the TV off and go to their suite. After she close the door behind her she move to couch and collapse top of it face first. She press her face hard on pillow. "Please stop, please stop, please stop." She plead in air. When images start to mix with her past in HYDRA and images of rape, killing other kids etc come she move to sit on her knees and scream. She scream in agony, holding her head. She couldn't take it anymore. Tamara know where Loki hold some of his daggers and move to bedroom. She see in floor her HYDRA uniform. Every visible daggers are taken but she quickly grab one hidden one. She rush to bathroom. Tamara roll up her left sleeve, move her arm over sink and cut her wrist. When pain rush in her nerves images in head stop rolling. Tamara sigh in relief. When they start to come back she cut again. She continue that cycle for hour. She start to feel lightheaded. She clean her arm, wounds have already stopped bleeding, older ones were already fully healed. Then she clean her dagger and hide it behind sink cabinet.

Tamara drink one cup of water before leaving bathroom. She feel so tired. She force herself to move in bed. She grab blanket on couch while passing it. When she collapse on bed she put blanket over herself and fall asleep. Completely exhaust. 

She is back in there. They have chained her middle of dark room, her hands are over her head. She only have her pants on, her upper body is expose. "You really should just give in already little kitty. Your family abandoned you. HYDRA is only family you have, only family you need." Some scientist taunt her. Tamara growl to him. She still have her collar on, they have but some strange drug on her so even shackles cause so much pain, collar feel like it strangle her. "You will submit soon kitty. I guarantee that." Man tell her sickening sweetly. He wave his hand and first lash hit her back. Tamara scream in pain. She got three lashes more before it stop. Tamara's throat feel raw and she breath heavily. She felt how blood run down her back. Then Pierce come in her view. "Now, are you ready to do as we command, kitty?" He ask with pleasant voice. Tamara spit to his face and growl. Pierce wipe her spit on his tissue and look sadly to her. "You really should use your head more, dear. They abandoned you, HYDRA won't ever do that." He mock her. Tamara growl again, ignoring her sore throat. "As you wish." Pierce say and nod toward man behind her. This time he lash her with whip that has metal hooks on. Tamara feel how pieces of her flesh separate from her back. She scream in agony.

Tamara jump to sitting position screaming. She hug herself tightly and try to calm her breathing. Just a nightmare, you are out from there. Just a nightmare. She try to convince herself. It took 10 minutes to calm herself even a little down. Tamara slowly turn toward clock, others have been gone almost  6 hours. She sigh tired and sad. Tamara slowly rise on her feet and turn to look at darkening sky. She feel so numb, that nightmare has suck all her strength out of her. Tamara slowly walk to living room and move to open balcony door. She walk to lean on handrail. 

Tamara look New York's evening life to wake up. How never sleeping city hum under her. She feel how cold winter wind caress her face. She slowly pull herself top of handrail and move her legs over it. She sit down, swaying her legs over long drop. Tamara didn't feel scared at all. She know she will survive if she fall. It would hurt like hell, but she will survive. Like anything else she has tried in past. She stare in nothingness and let winter's coldness numb her slowly, hoping it will numb away her pain too.

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Avengers come back after 11 hours. They land on Avengers Tower some after midnight. They are all tired and dirty. They have managed to capture most of HYDRA's members and rest are dead. There were five other prisoners, SHIELD have taken them in custody. Everyone go to kitchen grab something to eat before going to shower and then bed. Even Loki grab some sandwiches before going to Tamara, he believed that she is in bed, sleeping. Thor wave to Loki when he has ate before he turn to walk toward their room. He is too tired to use his magic. Loki has seen inside Pierce's and some scientists head and saw some images what they have done to Tamara. They didn't got it easy. Only reason Loki didn't kill them, even if his every instinct yell to him make them suffer every way possible and kill them, was that Fury has made him promise they will survive for further interrogations. There might be more places like that. Loki has promised reluctantly, he knew Tamara would want that so he even kept his promise. 

When Loki enter their room he first feel some strange airflow in there, when he look around he realize that balcony door is open. Loki feel how his blood freeze. He rush toward open door, making as little noise as he could. At the doorway Loki see Tamara sitting on handrail, her legs top of fall. He swallow down lump from his throat. "Tamara?" He ask gently. Tamara snap out of her head and slowly turn her head to look at Loki. Loki feel even more horrified when he see that Tamara's lips are blue, her face angry red, she even have ice in her eyelashes. "Loki?" She croak, her throat is so dry and she hasn't moved for several hours. 

Loki slowly walk toward her. "Darling, you are freezing." He say gently, terror could be hear under his voice. Tamara slowly rise her hand to her eye level. "Oh..." She mumble when she see that tip of her fingers are white. She just shrug and turn to look at sky again. When Loki stand behind her he grab her around waist and haul her inside. He slam the door behind them shut. With wave of his hand woods in fire place got fire on them. Tamara didn't try to fight against him. She let Loki do as he wishes, it didn't matter to her. Loki put her to sit on couch and throw blanket around her. Tamara see that Loki's mind is in panic. Tamara grab Loki's arm gently when he try to move further from her. Loki whip his face toward her. "Loki" She croak, then she clear her throat. "Calm down, I soon warm up. I'm okay." She tell him calmly, emotionless voice. 

Loki didn't know what scare him most, she so cold or her emotionless voice. "Tamara you are freezing. How long have you been sitting in there?" He ask, trying to mask his voice to be calm. Tamara tilt her head and look toward clock. "Something like... five hours." She eventually answer. Loki feel even more horrified. "I'm sorry love. I shouldn't have leave you alone. I should have stayed here." Tamara turn to look at him again. "Did you get them?..... Did you get them all?" Tamara ask. Loki nod slowly. "We got them all." He whisper. Tamara nod. "Good, then you have done the right thing. I'm here, I'm safe. You did as I asked." Tamara say, let her hand drop to her lap and turn to look toward dancing fire. Loki sigh sadly. Soon kettle of tea and two cups appear on coffee table in green mist. Loki pour tea to one and give it to Tamara. Tamara grab it and take little sip. "I really need to shower love. Finish that before I come back, please." Loki say, kiss Tamara's forehead and after Tamara nod and take second sip Loki move to bathroom. He look worried at Tamara one last time before closing the door, leaving little opening so he would hear if Tamara do something.