we shouldn't

thirty three ? empty cups

Flashback.

"Spencer I know you're in here" Vanessa huffs, walking into the school bathroom. My sobs could be heard from outside the bathroom stall.

"Go away" I sniffle, dragging the blade over my wrist again.
The door swings open, exposing my torn up wrist to Vanessa.

She grabs the blade out of my hand with a snarky grin. "You think you're so trendy hey?" She chuckles, inspecting the bloody piece of metal.

I sit there staring at the floor, unable to form words.
"I swear to god Spencer, no one wants you here. For fucks sake, if you don't kill yourself, I'll kill you" she growls and tosses the blade at me before leaving the bathroom.
-

"You sure you're okay?" Billie asks while tapping my shoulder, causing me to snap out of the memories.

"Yeah. I'm gonna go get a drink you want something?" I smile half-heartedly.

"No thanks bubba" she kisses my forehead quickly before I get up and make my way to the kitchen.

I grab a red solo cup and pour myself a few shots of vodka, then downing it.
I fill the cup halfway with more vodka and add some coke.

"What the hell are you doing here anyway?" I hear Vanessas voice.

I turn around and see her leaning against the counter with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"I'm here with my girlfriend, got a problem with that?"

"Ha, you? Have a girlfriend? We all know that's not going to last."

I simply sip my drink and give her a death stare.

"Don't drink too much sweetie. We all know you're a lightweight" she says in a sarcastic tone, with a wink.

I roll my eyes and walk back to Billie. I have a few sips and start to feel buzzed. She's not lying, I am a lightweight.

"Wanna dance?" Billie asks.

"Sure" I smile, holding onto her hand with a drink in my other.

I don't know how long it's been but I've gotten a couple of refills and I'm stumbling over my own two feet. The thoughts of what I did to myself that night no longer in my head.

"Let's get you home" Billie chuckles after catching me.

Billie POV

"Okay but only if we're fucking" Spencer smirks.

"We'll see baby," I say grabbing the cup out of her hands.

I drag her into the car, holding her up to keep her from falling. Once I've finally buckled her in I start to drive her home.

"I kindawannaa like jump offa roof" Spencer mumbled.

"Baby don't say that" I frowned.

"Nah Nah naaahhh not like that. Justta like see how it feeeels yaaknow?"

"You wouldn't feel anything if the roof is tall"

"Hmm," she hums, now deep in thought. There are a few moments of silence before she speaks up again.

"Would it like be illegal if I justkina like aaaacidently drive over someone and kill them?"

I stay silent. What the fuck is going through her head right now? I get that she's drunk but there's gotta be a reason for her to say these things.

"Would it?" she turns and looks at me seriously.

"Yes baby, it would be illegal"

"Darn"