we shouldn't

thirty nine ? broken promises

"No, I'll drive but thank you. See you tomorrow" I say quickly, giving her a peck before walking out to my car. The Tesla to be exact. Damn, I'm gonna have to give it back...

Once I'm safely in the car I drive to the nearest gas station and buy a pack of smokes. It's been months but I'm desperate. This vape just isn't hitting me where I need it too.

My shaky hands open up the pack and rummage through my bag until I find a lighter. I light it up, lock my car doors, and lean my chair back as I inhale at an unhealthy speed.

Soon enough the cigarette is out and I light up another. Shit. This isn't doing anything. My phone buzzes and my unsteady hands pick it up slowly.

iMessage
my everything❤️

Baby, did I do something? Are you okay? Please talk to me. I love you so much.

You won't love me for long...

I think I know who's sending me these anonymous texts but I had hoped things had changed. Some people change, other people never do.

As I read over Billies text, tears start pouring out of my eyes. I slam my head against the steering wheel and sobs fly out of my mouth.
My phone buzzes again.

iMessage
Anonymous

I will delete the pictures if you do a couple of things for me.

What's that?

Three things.

Three simple things, Spencer.

I'm not agreeing until I know what they are.

The first one is easy. I need your Instagram password.

Just then Billies smiling face covers my screen in a call. I quickly decline and walk back into the gas station to find something sharp.
I walk up to the counter and spot some pocket knives. I quickly pay for it and walk back to my car.

Without a care in the world, I run the sharp new blade over my flesh and watch the blood fall down my arm. I slice and slice and slice until I realize there's blood coating my clothes.

Then the dread and guilt sets in. My stomach starts turning and before I can think I open up my door and hurl all over the parking lot. What the fuck is happening to me?

Why can't I feel anything but also feel everything all at once? This doesn't make sense. My legs and arms start to feel like jello as my breathing becomes erratic.

In the past, a smoke or a blade would take this feeling away; but it's just not working. I quickly grab a few napkins out of the centre console and wipe the blood as best as I can. I sit there with dried tears on my cheeks as I try to catch my breath.
My vision goes blurry when I try to pick up my phone.

Who the fuck do I even call?

I have... no one.

In a blink of an eye, my life went from two families to zero.

iMessage
Anonymous

Or you can do one of the following instead.

1. Send me Billies phone number.

2. Let me eat you out... while I film it.

What the fuck is this chick on right now?
I hover my finger over the call button and tap it, holding my phone to my ear.

One ring...

Two rings.....

Three rings...

"Hello?"

"Vanessa?" I blurt out in anger.

"Yes?" she asks innocently.

"Wh-why are you doing this?" I stutter out.

"I think you know why Miller"

"No, I don't" I shout into the phone.

"Well, why don't you come over and see?"

"You're fuckin kidding me"

"My address is Rosenwald street, 202," she says plainly.

"That's forty-five minutes away"

"See you in forty-five minutes," she says before ending the call.

I look at the time and see it's 1:30 am. I've been sitting here for four hours. I start my engine and slowly make my way to Vanessa's place.

She's moved since the last time I've been to her place.
When I pull up I see it's a tall modern apartment building. I text Vanessa that I'm here and she buzzes me in. Slowly I make my way up to her apartment on the 10th floor, looking for the apartment number she gave me.

I knock three times and she opens the door with a shit-eating grin, pulling me inside and locking the door.

"You're still cutting?" She laughs, "we aren't in high school anymore, get over yourself Spencer"

"I-

"Let's get you cleaned up"

I have no energy, no power, no words, no movements. I can't even lift a finger, I'm worn out and done. This is my last fucking straw.

I drift into a daze of nothingness as Vanessa changes me into a fresh pair of clothes and hands me some water to drink. I chug the glass and without thinking I finally drift off into a peaceful sleep. And I never want to wake up.