Dear Bad Boy || Ransom Drysdale

Standing on the platform at the subway station I lose myself in the sound of the underground city, I used to hate it here but now the constant noise and pollution calms me, it settles me. It reminds me of Syria.

Boston is too quiet. Especially on the estate. The silence that surrounded it was almost like being held within a dome of seclusion. There's nothing there for me now.

My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD, whatever that means. I think that's made up shit that people use to blame their problems on, but she assures me that it's a very real problem.
Whatever, I'll take the meds because Harlan asked me to.
My mind continues to wander, I allow myself to be transported back there. Hearing the screams of women and children, the deep anguished groans of men I see them clearly. I feel it all deeply.
Two trains cross quickly my heart stops. Bringing me back into the moment.
Looking down at my wrist I check the time, it's 6:34pm. I just want to get home to sleep, then wake up and do all of this all over again.
My life has no purpose now, I work, eat, sleep and repeat.
I sleep for 4 hours every night my mind won't allow me any more than that.
The doctor assures me that I will sleep eventually, and these pills once they settle will stop me feeling numb.
And my life will have purpose again.

My train pulls into the station and I find myself a seat, leaning my head against the cool window shutting my eyes for just a minute, allowing them to rest.
The train shudders, a mechanical chomping sound comes from underneath the carriage.
Fucking fantastic, this is all I need.
Passengers begin to look to one another panicked voices surmising about faults, everyone just waiting for information.
The train conductor rushes down the aisle towards the front of the train.
"Excuse me sir?"
My head snaps up at the familiar voice, my heart dancing around in my chest.
The conductor stops dead in his tracks, roles his eyes and turns to her. Eva stands up bashfully.
"I just wondered, well I think we all are...what's going on?" She fiddles with her hands nervously.
He sighs giving into her sweetness, "there's been a mechanical fault, I'm going to speak to the driver now. He'll make an announcement."
Eva's breathing hitches she grabs his forearm, "please, roughly how long?" Her little panicked breaths catching everyone's attention.
He tilts his head softly, "it happened last week on my other run, won't be more than and hour two tops. Don't panic ma'am."
He turns on his heel and heads back down the train.
Eva rubs her hands over her face, I can't decide whether to make myself known or not. It's been a month since I last seen or heard from her. We almost had something outside her building, but the fireman interrupted us before we could go any further.
The way he looked at her, he loves her.
And I can't do anything about it, because even though she is my Eva...she isn't mine any more.
Almost dead set on slumping down and hiding from her the decision is taken away from me as she looks up from her hands clocking me immediately.
"Hello you." She grabs her bag from the seat and works her way down to where I am sat.
"As I live and breathe, Hugh Ransom Drysdale on a train...the subway no less." She giggles tucking lose hair behind her ear as she sits in the seat across from me.
I shrug my shoulders, "sometimes it's just quicker."
"Ain't that the truth." She bobs her head.
"I never thought I'd see you on a train not after..." I stop myself, not wanting to dredge up past emotions for her. The statement actually sort of slipped out.
I think I'm nervous.
"Well I had to get over it eventually." She sighs, releasing a sad little smile.
"No you didn't, but I'm proud of you." I watch as she pulls out her cell phone.
"One second." She mouths putting the phone to her ear.
"Hey honey, listen I'm not gonna make it tonight...the train broke down and...yeah I know...two fucking hours...I promise I'll make it up to you. Love you too." She shoves the cell back into her bag.
Hearing her talk like that to him was like a dagger in my heart. She loves him.
Those were words reserved only for me.
Now she has someone else to say them to.
I don't blame her, doesn't mean I'm not jealous though.
I miss her.
The urge to choke out those words to her is overwhelming, but she looks happy and content. So why would I want to ruin that for her?
Why would I take another thing away from her?
She begins raking through her bag pulling out two little individually wrapped mints, she holds her hand out offering me one. As I go to take the blue one I absentmindedly brush my fingertips along her palm. The flicker of a smile hides contently in the corner of her mouth.
"How's your new job?" I ask trying to break the tension.
Through the crunch of the mint she nods her head, "really good. It's everything I thought it would be and more."
I shuffle my legs accidentally grazing her shin with my foot, "sorry." I apologise pushing myself back into the seat.
She waves her hand dismissing it.
"How are things with you Ransom?" God I love the way she says my name.
"Good, everything's good. I'm in therapy." Fuck! Why did I tell her that? Now she is going to think I'm some sort of fucking basket case.
"Me too." She whispers back.
Everything about her settles me. Brings me back down to a rooted plain. How could I ever have hurt her the way I did?
I'm such an idiot.
But I refuse to go back to the way it was. I will not be my parents.
"Are you going back to Boston for your birthday?" I remember that she is turning thirty in 2 weeks.
She shakes her head, "I have plans here, then I'm going after my birthday, Harlan and I have a lunch planned. You should come?"
I love the relationship she has with Harlan.
That's all I can say on the matter, I love it.
"I'll see what my work schedule is like." My cell phone rings interrupting our conversation.
"Sorry, I have to take this."
"Yes? Right...okay. Yup...that's fine I can do that tomorrow...I know...I will take a day off next week I promise...alright pal...see you in the office tomorrow. Coffees on you this week. Bye." I look up from my cell, catching Eva's wide smile beaming at me.
"What?" I furrow my brows at her.
Shaking her head, she twists her mouth coyly.
"Nothing, you're different."
I wanted to tell her that up until I saw her face on the train I was borderline catatonic.
That it was her that made me feel different.
It was this brief encounter with Eva that pulled me out of my vortex of numbness and reminded me that I had emotions.
Jealousy being one of them.
But this little moment between us ignited something inside me.
I feel alive again.
Because of her.

The train shudders once more and begins to move. Sighs of relief echo down the carriages.
"This is my stop." She leans across smoothing my hair into a side shed, "maybe I'll see you at lunch. If not...take care Ransom."
"Eva?" I reach into my pocket.
"Mhmm?"
"Never mind."
She stands next to the doors waiting for the train to stop, the doors slide open and she walks off without so much as a glance back.

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A/N:
Thank you so much for reading and sticking with the story.
I am devastated that it's coming to an end shortly.
As always leave a little vote and some feedback, I genuinely take everything you say on board and it motivates me.