groovy - steven hyde

"what the hell is going on here?" fez asked when he walked into the basement.

"well, these guys were supposed to go on a three hour tour, but now they're shipwrecked. and the sexual tension between gilligan and the skipper is reaching a breaking point." randy said.

"this show's stupid. why don't they just kill the fat one for food?" jackie asked.

"i'm not talking about gillian. i'm talking about the new guy sitting in my chair." fez said.

"your chair?" isabella said.

"fez, chairs are first come, first served. we decided that in the great chair negotiation of 78." donna said.

"although, that doesn't apply to me. due to the if you sit in my chair, i'll kick you in the nad's amendment." hyde said.

"here, you can have it. i don't mind." randy said giving fez his chair.

"you'll live another day." fez said.

"fez, why do you pick on randy? based on his hair and his looks, i think he's a really good person." jackie said.

"i just don't like people who aren't from here, that's all." fez said.

"fez, we're not from here." isabella said.

"you know i was thinking we could get out of here anyway. maybe go somewhere, have some fun?" randy said.

"why are you trying to ruin our saturday?" hyde asked him.

"come on, let's go down to fatso burger, and get some burgers and fries. teenagers love burgers and fries!" randy said.

"nah." everyone said.

"what if i said i'm buying?" randy said as the gang got up.

they got their food from fatso burger and they sat outside to eat.

"randy, on behalf of all of us, i would just like to say..." hyde said before burping.

"i can smell the oniony thanks all the way over here." randy said.

"listen, randy, just because i ate three hamburgers, doesn't mean i like you. it just means i have no self control." fez said.

"look at that disgusting clown. it's totally freaking me out." jackie said.

"you're scared of fatso? but he's the friendly neighborhood clown, who gives grade D beef to all the boys and girls." donna said.

"yeah, i'm scared of clowns so i don't like him, either." isabella said.

"look, i just don't like the way his eyes follow me around.  it's the same reason i hate art." jackie said.

"what have i told you kids? what have i told you?" the worker said.

"don't pee on the bathroom key?" hyde said.

"one ketchup bottle per table. one ketchup per table!" the worker said.

"why do you say everything twice?" randy asked him.

"shut up. shut up!" the worker said before taking the ketchup.

"wow, he's really serious about ketchup." isabella said.

"i hate that guy. he acts like he owns the place." fez said.

"well, he does own the place." donna said.

"well, he acts like it." fez said.

"hey, he's just a small businessman trying to make ends meet. let's ruin him." hyde said.

"i've got it! let's throw a bunch of pickles at his window! then, he'll become a prisoner of his own pickle prison." fez said.

"or we could steal fatso the clown." randy said.

"steal fatso the clown, all right, man!" hyde said.

"yay, randy!" donna said.

"i like this idea." isabella said.

"no, boo, randy! yeah, fez! pickle attack, let's do it! where did it go?" fez asked after throwing a pickle.

everyone saw that the pickle had landed on donna's forehead and isabella picked it off for her.

"okay, i have a better idea. let's steal that clown!" fez said.

-

"we're stealing a clown. god, being bad is so exciting! my palms are sweaty. when i was with eric, the only times my palms were sweaty, was when i was holding his sweaty palms." donna said.

"well i don't want anything to do with that red nosed freak." jackie said.

"yeah, i'm with jackie on this one." isabella said.

"why are you so afraid of clowns?" fez asked the two of them.

"it was my seventh birthday party, this clown asked me if i wanted to smell his pretty flower. and when i did, it squirted water all over my face. and then he offered me his handkerchief, when i pulled it out of his pocket, it just kept coming, coming, coming." jackie said.

"and that's why you hate clowns?" fez asked her.

"no, later i walked in on him, making out with my mom. pie throwing bastard!" jackie said before running away.

"what about you, bella? did a clown french your mom?" fez asked her.

"no, i just hate bozo the clown." isabella said before she left along with jackie.

-

jackie and isabella went into the basement to go talk to the gang.

"so you guys-" jackie began but then the two girls saw fatso sitting on the couch.

they both go so scared that they let out a blood hurdling scream and it made everyone jump.

"i think my heart just jumped out of my chest." isabella said.

"what the hell is that doing here?" jackie asked.

"we stole fatso the clown! and now we're gonna... what do we do with a stolen clown?" donna asked.

after donna asked that, the gang got into a circle.

"this is what we do with a stolen clown. actually, this is what we do without a stolen clown. it always comes back to this." hyde said.

"thanks for bringing me here, you guys!" randy said faking a clown voice.

"so, fatso, now that you're free, is there anything we can do for you?" randy asked.

"yeah, find me a really trashy clown hooker with nice, long legs and a pair of double d..." randy said after honking a horn.

"yeah, i found this in the garage." randy said.

"oh, randy, you think you are so funny. that was funny." fez said.

"no, not funny." isabella said terrified.

"look at that freaky ass clown. it's just staring at me, he doesn't even blink." jackie said.

"it's because he likes you. he loves you. he wants to marry you and then kill you!" donna said making jackie scream and she ran away.

"yeah, i'm out of here too, i don't wanna spend another second in here with that killer." isabella said.