When All Lights Go Out I (TFP)

Exhaustion. Anger. Hurt. Frustration. Those were just some of the things that Azura was feeling right now. She had managed to cry herself to sleep after a few hours. However, she didn't sleep well. Her dreams were plagued with fears of people mocking her for having Optimus as her father, that Optimus would abandon her, that she would lose control of her abilities and so on. Azura was a complete and utter mess.

She didn't even want to get out of bed. The only reason she did was to use the bathroom. She didn't want to eat or see anyone. There was only a small part of her wishing to be picked up and held, while the rest of her just wanted to be left alone. Azura needed the time and space to think, and to even recover from the lack of sleep she now had because of it.

She did not know if her reaction earlier that morning was an overreaction, but it didn't matter. She was already seeking comfort because of her pain and frustration, and overhearing the autobots admit that Optimus is her father only made it worse. She knew a part of her should be happy, but she was not. Not right now.

Azura was not angry anymore about how she was found. She was likely found after the pod had opened, and she was just lucky that she was found when she was. She knew that she was sent to Earth for protection. But that still did not stop thoughts of what ifs to fill her mind. And she didn't even know why she could eat human food and even look like a human with most human functions. She knew that would be explained eventually.

At least this all explained why I haven't had a normal puberty. Especially if I am considered an infant by Cybertronian years.

Azura now understood why she sometimes felt younger than she should be. It was because she was Cybertronian, not human. But she's lived for fourteen years on this planet believing she was human. It was only normal for her to wish she was human. Even though when Optimus told the story about the origin of the Cybertronian crystal and she had hoped that they could have been father and child, she did hope they weren't. It would be less complicated if they weren't and she would gladly help him find his real sparkling.

She wished Primus told her too. She actually would have found it easier to wait until Optimus told her if she knew. She would not have been frustrated and angry if she had known beforehand. But he believed it wasn't his place to tell, and maybe he was right, she just felt like she's been cheated out knowing who her father is.

Azura was hugging her pillow right now after she had forced herself to feed and check her fish. She almost was tempted to just sit and stare at the fish, mostly because she was a little envious of them. While the fish were confined to a small space, they did not have to worry about where they came from. They only had to worry about eating, helping to eat algae in the tank, swim and chase each other and that was it. There wasn't much else they had to worry about.

They're lucky they have a far simpler life than I do.

Azura jumped and covered her face when she heard a knock. She wanted to shoot at whoever it was to go away, but kept quiet for the moment. "It's just me, Azura." It was Cliff. "I just want to check in on ya." She did not move a muscle as she laid in her bed. "I know ya hurt and upset, but it's past noon..." It was that late already?! "And you have not come out for food. So Arcee made up some tomato soup...or whatever this is, and she figured you would prefer that to anything solid."

Azura knew that Cliff was here to talk to her too. As much as she wanted to ignore him, he stomach growled at her. The soup sounded good. She forced herself to get up from the bed and stumbled over to the door controls to unlock and open it. She looked up as she saw Cliff standing with the bowl in his hand.

Cliff was mess with a sad sight. Azura's beautiful, golden hair is a complete mess. Her eyes were red and puffy while her cheeks were clearly stained with tears. She seemed paler and it was obvious she has not gotten much sleep at all. He was glad she opened the door though as he stepped into the room and closed it behind him, while also locking the door.