August 1998
Stevie was now eight months pregnant and completely exhausted. Lindsey had barely been around the past month, except for a couple of doctor appointments. He would drop by when he could, but it wasn't for long periods of time. She hated to admit it, but she could have used the help. Getting around was hard enough, but having to put together a nursery with only Karen helping her wasn't easy.
She probably could have called her family or friends for extra help, but she was extremely worried that they would be livid with Lindsey for not being around more. She didn't need that kind of stress right now.
She just hoped they had put the crib together correctly, because the last thing she wanted was for it to fall apart when she put her son in it.
She went to lie down for her afternoon nap, and when she awoke the sun was setting. She looked around for a moment, trying to figure out what had pulled her out of her deep sleep. She heard the sound of loud snoring coming from right next to her, and she already knew who it was before she even rolled over.
As Stevie expected, Lindsey was sound asleep on top of the covers right next to her. Normally she would have kicked him out, but he looked exhausted. She got up quietly and went downstairs to make dinner. She sang to Max while she was flitting around the kitchen and he was kicking up a storm.
She jumps a little when she turns around and sees Lindsey standing in the doorway, "oh my god, Buckingham. You scared me to death."
He laughs a little and walks into the kitchen, "sorry. I heard you singing and I didn't want to interrupt."
"Come here," she says, waving him over. When he walks over to her, she takes his hands and rests them on her stomach.
"Is he dancing in there?" Lindsey asks as a smile spreads across his face.
Stevie laughs, "either that or he's trying to get out."
"He loves the sound of your voice," he says, and Stevie can't help but notice the hint of sadness on his face. She knew he was having a hard time not being able to be around as much as he wanted to.
She moves away from him to set the table. She knows he's watching her, but she tries not to focus on it too much. She was in a strange place emotionally, which was nothing new, but she wasn't sure how she felt about the realization that maybe she needed Lindsey's help more than she let on.
"You're staying for dinner," she says, not giving him any room to argue.
"I won't say no to that." He takes a seat at the table and makes her a plate before serving himself.
Stevie sits down to eat and she glances at him, "how are you?"
"I'm fine, I guess," he pauses and keeps his eyes focused on his plate, "that's a lie. I'm not fine. I am exhausted. I feel like I'm missing out on everything with Max. I didn't even get to help with the nursery."
"Hey, it's alright. Karen helped. She painted it and we put the crib together. I have a changing table that needs to be put together if you want to do that."
Lindsey looks up at her and nods, "I'd actually like that a lot. How are you?"
"I'm okay. I'm just trying to get everything in order before Max gets here. Thankfully my parents will be here in a few weeks," she says as she's shoveling her dinner into her mouth.
"Steph, I am so sorry I haven't been around to help."
She waves him off, "please don't apologize. You have a baby at home."
"In a month I'm going to have one here. I want to make sure I'm helping you," he says.
"It's really okay. We're getting by just fine."
"You're eight months pregnant, angel," he nods towards her stomach.
"I am fully aware and also, don't call me that." She doesn't mean to come off sounding harsh, she just needed to draw lines with him. It was the best thing for everyone involved.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I know you don't need me, but I would still like to help." Lindsey stood and started cleaning up from dinner for her. It was very domestic and she closed her eyes for a moment and let her mind wander back to the brief time they were living together in her condo before this disastrous situation.
She remembers how it felt like they were married; like it did when they were in their twenties and trying to make it before they joined the band. Only this time around they weren't dirt poor and struggling. They actually had their shit together and she really thought that they would spend the rest of their lives together. She realizes now how foolish it was for her to expect that. Their relationship was like beating a dead horse and she didn't know why they kept continuously coming back to it for so many years.
When Stevie opened her eyes, she realized she had been crying and quickly wiped her tears while Lindsey had his back turned towards her. Suddenly she felt her chest constrict and she needed to be away from him. She stood abruptly and went into the living room where she sat down on the couch. She closed her eyes and rested her hands on her stomach, trying to remind herself that even with the heartache of the break up, it was all worth it for Max. He would be her constant reminder of the good that came out of their time together.
"Steph?" She heard Lindsey call out for her.
"In here," she called back to him, waiting for him to find her.
He came and sat down on the couch with her. He rested his head on her stomach to talk to their baby. She let him, but she kept her hands at her sides while he laid against her.
She took a deep breath, "we do need you."
Lindsey sat up to look at her, "you do?"
She nodded a little, wiping more tears from her eyes. God, why was she crying in front of him? She felt like an idiot.
"Hey, why are you crying?" He reached over and wiped her tears away with his thumbs, taking her face gently into his hands so she would look at him.
"I thought that I could do this alone. I thought that I wouldn't need any help. It's just harder than I thought. I feel very alone and I do need you to help me out with our son. I feel so selfish saying that. I know you have a son at home that you need to be taking care of and I don't want to take you away from him." She was full on sobbing now and Lindsey let her rest her head in the crook of his neck as he rubbed her back gently.
"It's okay. It's okay if you need help, Steph. Having a baby with help isn't easy. No one expects you to do it alone. I need to be here more for you and Max and I'm going to be."
She nodded against his neck and exhaustion overtook her. She vaguely remembers falling asleep and then Lindsey waking her to go upstairs.
When she wakes up the next morning, the changing table and the rest of the furniture that was still in boxes had been put together and Max's nursery was complete. She smiled to herself before heading downstairs to call Lindsey and thank him.
