I'm Not Leaving

Part 6/

"Epiphany just left to go back to the hospital," Sonny said softly, as he walked out onto the deck where Alexis was leaning against the railing, staring out at the sunset.

"I suppose that's a good sign," she replied as she felt his arms wrap around her waist, his head resting on her shoulder. She sighed, relaxing into the comfort of his body.

"I love you," Alexis whispered.

Sonny smiled against her cheek, placing a kiss there.

"Still?"

"Still."

She turned in his embrace, facing him. Sonny pulled her head down on his shoulder holding her close to him.

"You're safe with me. You know that don't you?"

"Mmm hmm." He felt her breath on his chest.

"Are you cold?" He asked her as the sun continued to go down.

"Not like this." Sonny kissed the top of her head. He felt more of her weight settle into him and knew that she would need to sit soon. "Epiphany left a prescription for some stronger pain meds, the new nausea medicine, and instructions for you to try to eat a little something when you can. I can make soup if you want or toast. I sent one of my men to the pharmacy."

Sonny felt Alexis pull away slightly. She stood looking him in the eyes, searching.

"I don't want to talk about this."

"I'm sorry." He said, unsure of what he had said wrong. She pulled away from him.

"Don't be sorry, Sonny. I just -" He watched as she stumbled slightly and resisted the urge to reach for her. "I don't want to have to be taken care of ... I mean I'm thankful ... I just -"
"You just what, Lex?" He asked, sitting down on the lounge chair next to him.

"I just don't want to be here with you talking about being sick. I don't want you to open your heart to me - to tell me you're in love with me and have to care for me, like - like I'm an invalid." She saw him as he began to speak, but he gave her what she needed - words.

"I hate feeling so damn helpless. Helpless for months not knowing how to help Kristina through all the pain that Keifer caused. Helpless in helping her see her father as the beautiful man that I have had the privilege of knowing more intimately than most ... explaining to her how gentle you were with me .. are - when so many people were trying to get her to focus on your flaws during the trial after Claudia died. Helpless in keeping her safe from Warren Bauer. Helpless to keep this illness from coming back and taking over my body. The normalcy we were all starting to get back. My heart. My spirit wants to be doing so much. And my body ... my body won't - well it just won't ... I don't want to begin this relationship, she said cautiously as she sat on the end of the chair he was sitting on. "I don't want to move to a new level in our relationship and not welcome it with something more sensual than talking about pain medicine, toast, and when you might have to hold the trash bin under my mouth so that I don't vomit all over the bed. I don't want you to see me like this ... I don't want to lose my breasts." He watched as she wiped at the wetness welling in her eyes as she held one hand up toward him. She hadn't expected that last part to slip out, and he knew she was placing a boundary there. He wouldn't push her. They wouldn't talk about the mastectomy - not yet.

He leaned in, kissing her hand and gently pulling her down onto the chaise with him. Her head on his chest.

"Don't you want to go home and have a shower? Eat without feeling guilty? Get some real sleep? You have to be exhausted."