The summer everything changed | C.F

    "I'm sorry." He spoke finally after I cried into my hand. He wrapped is arms around me and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how he felt about Belly, but I wanted to know now. I gently pushed him away from me. "What's wrong?"

    "I-I don't know if I can do this right now." He looked at me his eyes showing confusion and hurt. His chest was moving up and down rougher than normal. He was shaky and confused I didn't know how to feel about him. I needed to know because all this time he has spent with me, did it not matter to him? "Did you want to kiss her?" My emotions have never been so strong in my life. I always tried to keep myself pretty calm and collected. But right now I was the opposite. I am a mess.

    "She kissed me Bee." I could tell he was telling the truth.

    "That's not what I asked Conrad." I spoke softly, his eyes holding mine till then. He took my hand as some sort of reassurance, like he wanted me to relax. But looking at him now I felt different and I wasn't sure why. "Do you want to be with Belly?" He was quiet, too quiet. I pressed my lips to a fine line as I thought for a moment, time froze and the world around me had ruptured. "Do you want to be with me?" I asked my heart shattering with every look, every breath, every fraction of his face shattering me.

    After an eternity he finally spoke. "I do, b-but I don't know." I shook my head confused.

    "I don't understand."

    "I want to be with you, but I don't know if I want to be with Belly." I bit my tongue trying to cause some sort of pain to distract me from the fact that I wanted to sob and scream. "I don't want to hurt you" I nodded with a hysterical laugh.

    "Sure Conrad."

    "I think we should try this another time, when crazy shit isn't happening around us. I don't want to cause more drama than I have." I didn't believe any of that, for the first time all summer I realized where everyone was coming from. I felt the coldness of his heart. I finally understood.

    The lights in to room lashed telling me someone was at my door. Since last summer I have been wearing my implants way less. Mom, Steven, and I have been learning sigh language. Belly and I hadn't talked anyway so she hadn't made an effort to learn. It didn't matter to me if she wanted to talk to me she just would. Mom had a doorbell type of system put in to alert me when someone was at my door. I appreciated it even at school my teachers were trying. That was one of my ways I changed from last summer. I also started more unhealthy habits smoking cigarettes and weed. I knew it was bad but at this point in my life I didn't care.

    "Come in." I spoke and the door opened, it was Steven. "What's up?" I signed he responded.

    "You coming? To the party?" I looked up for a moment avoiding his eyes. Steven was really trying to keep me involved, he was upset about what happened with me, Belly, and the boys. But he was mostly trying to get Belly and I to get alone again.

    "I don't think so." I responded in words. "It's just a party and with everything that's happening?" I questioned.

    "I think it would be good for you." He signed slowly as we were all still just learning. "Please?"

    I sighed. "Fine." I responded and he smiled jumping up. I smiled back slightly as he left and then shook my head. I hate party's.

    "Hey sweet girl." The tone in Susannah's voice told me she knew. She probably knew everything from everyone. I'm sure she's talked to everybody else before me. I was laid on my bed with my stuffed cow in my arms.

"Am I a horrible person?" She looked at me with hurt in her eyes.

"Honey no." She sat beside me running her hand through my hair. "Everyone is just worked up right now. Maybe a little confused and lost."

"I told Belly I hated her."

"Hey everyone gets in fights, even me and your mom." She soothed me and I wanted to believe her. Shes never lead me down the wrong path before. "No matter what happens with you kids, you are family and you always have been. It will resolve I have no doubt, you guys need each other."

I put my implants on for the party, not everyone knew how to sign or talk slow enough. It was unbelievably loud and I actually found myself sitting alone with a cup filled with only god knows what. It was okay, I liked being alone now. But I saw a familiar face approach me, but I hardly believed it for a moment. I thought I was hallucinating or that I was drunk and imagining things.

    He had an unforgettable smile. "Ollie, I thought that was you." Aiden, from cousins. What is he doing here? "You okay?" I blinked a few times and laughed a little.

"Uh yeah. I just didn't expect to see you, what are you doing here?" He sat beside me on the grass, his hair was different combed back out of his face wet like it had gel in it.

"Well I moved back in with my mom and she moved here, I heard about Steven's graduation party and here I am." He explained briefly.

"Oh well what a coincidence, why did you move in with your grandma in the first place?" I questioned him and he looked up nervous.

"Well it's a long story." He hesitated, I wanted someone to distract me. Take me away.

"I like long stories, if you don't mind." He nodded setting his hands down in the grass behind him.

"I came out as Bisexual to my parents at the end of the school year, last year. My mom didn't care she just wanted me to be happy, but my dad was the complete opposite. He wanted to kick me out because he wanted nothing to do with me. My mom didn't like that at all, so she sent me to live with my grandma for the summer. She thought maybe she could knock some sense into him. But nothing worked." I felt bad for him really bad because really why does it matter who he has feelings for? "So my mom left my dad, moved out got a house of her own and figured it was safe enough for me to move home with her. Which I'm glad because I missed her so much." I smiled softly but genuinely for the first time in forever.

"Well I'm sorry about your dad, but I'm glad you still get to be with your mom."

"Yeah me too." He smile at me, he's so kind. I wish I would have asked him to be my deb escort. But so much was happening at the time. "So what's been going on with you, you look different."

"Good different?" I questioned him and he immediately nodded like he felt like he had said something wrong.

"Yes, yes of course. I mean you're still very beautiful. But I can tell you've changed."