The summer everything changed | C.F

    I woke up the next morning from the feeling of Conrad moving away from me. He was keeping me warm and it was hard to fall back asleep after that. I eventually turned around and faced him, I was a little shocked when he was looking right at me. I nearly jumped, but I gave him a soft half smile. I don't know what was wrong with me but  I felt nervous all the sudden. I wondered how long he has been staring at me, I know it was the back of my head but still.

    All I could say was. "Hi." I whispered, I didn't want to wake anyone up.

    "Good morning." He whispered back a little smile tugged at his lips, I couldn't hear him. "You sleep okay?" I nodded, I slept like a baby actually. It went quiet, he didn't say anything he was just looking at me and I was just waiting for him to speak. Staring at his lips.

    He raised his hand slowly, bringing it towards my face. He collected the hair that was rested against my cheek and slowly drug his fingers against my skin. Tucking the hair behind my ear, letting his hand rest against the side of my neck. I swallowed, I hate that he wasn't saying anything.

    "Your eyes make me crazy." I furrowed my eyebrows together confused.

    Stupidly I said. "Why?" His hand was so warm it was almost distracting.

    "Because they're so fucking pretty." I wish I could have heard him say that. Like actually heard him. I just blinked a few times, I know he's said that before. That they were pretty. His facial expression was so indescribable, his features were so relaxed it was hard to tell. What exactly he was thinking.

    Honestly I never knew what he was thinking, he was so extremely hard to read. I was usually amazing at reading people, it was a talent really. But right now this didn't feel real, not even in the slightest. I felt like I was in some sort of confusing dream. Like my brain was trying to trick itself and confuse me further. His eyes suddenly dropped clearly from my eyes to my lips.

    Shit shit shit. No. My face probably went to a straight haze of red. I could feel my heart pounding as his face got clearly closer to mine. I could feel my palms start to sweat and a lump build in my throat. He was so close that his nose touched mine. I closed my eyes and that's when he quickly moved away from me, leaving me a bit confused. When I opened my eyes he was sat up and looking at a lady who pulled up in a golf cart.

    What the?

    I sat up confused and a I had a feeling of awkwardness chilling down my spine. I grabbed my Cochlear implants and put them in to hear. "What's going on here?" Cam shot up from ground and approached the lady, I was assuming it was his mom.

    "Mom, hi I'm sorry. They needed a place to stay because they lost their house." He explained which slightly made my heart physically hurt.

    "Cam." She sort of scolded.

    "We will clean everything up." He promised and she sighed nodding.

    "Good." She responded and I sighed a little I thought we were about to get into a whole lot of trouble.

     The whole time getting everything back to where it belonged all I could think about was what just happened. I almost rather it had been a dream, than real life. I just don't understand why that just happened or almost just happened. I know I kissed him last night on the beach, but that was different. I wasn't exactly kissing him to kiss him. I wasn't kissing him because I really wanted to. But just then I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to kiss him like I had last summer. Which was bad.

    Extremely bad.

    After we cleaned up I rushed to Conrad car and sat in it by myself before the others got over here. I just wanted a moment to collect myself and not be around anyone. I felt like my face was still on fire. Not from the thought of him trying to kiss me. But because I was embarrassed, embarrassed that I almost let myself do that again. I know how it made me feel last time, I know how completely intoxicating he was. I didn't want to fall for it again, not right now and not ever. I hate that I still felt something for him, he didn't know where his heart belonged. But I did and I still do. But I can't change anything that's happened before, I can't alter anything. I hate it.

    He soon appeared along with everyone else and he stopped to talk to Jeremiah for a minute. I just stared. A little flustered still and I couldn't make it go away because it was flooded in my head. The feeling of his warm hand pressed against my neck, it was still there. Feeling the warmth lingering on my neck it made me want to die. He finally opened the door and sat beside me. I turned to look out the window and he didn't say a word to me.

    He was so quiet I wondered if he was thinking about it like I was. He started that. He had to have been thinking about it if he was that quiet. I mean he was quiet a lot but there was a different type of vibe to this silence. It was honestly making me more nervous just how quiet it was between us.

    "Sorry." He almost whispered I think he was hoping I wouldn't hear him.

    But I responded. "For what." I wanted to play dumb, I didn't want to look at him. I was almost afraid of the confrontation, normally I wasn't.

    He drove so steadily, he was a really good driver.

    "Um." I hardly ever hear him lost for words. "You know, I don't know." I blinked a few times before turning a little so I could see him in my side mirror. "I just—don't want to push boundaries." He explained still a little lost for word. Like he was trying to make sure he said the right thing. "I feel like I did." He tells me truthfully.

    "No, no it's okay." I spoke, not looking at him. I wanted to tell him how it felt. Just so he knew what he was messing with. "I just I don't want to kiss you." He looked over at me for a moment.

    A nervous laugh left his mouth and he said. "Ouch."

    "That's not it Conrad. I don't want to kiss you because I want to kiss you. I can't because I don't want to stop." I said bluntly and he was looking at me, all he did was nod.

    "Okay." Okay?